Lost Hope and Finding Love
by KazeHayate
Summary: What if everyone abandoned Harry after the events of OotP? How would Harry cope? Rated M for guts and blood, possibly lemon later on if people want it. Eventually H/Hr Formerly Alone and Resolve
1. End of a Year

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, even if I sometimes wish the author horrible and painful.... Whoops!**

**I got the idea from .Motion and his/her story Alone; that can be found here /s/4687362/1/Alone**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 1

Standing under the rain outside the building that led to Platform 9 ¾' for my seventh year, I let the pain and suffering relapse for a moment as the welcome chill seeps into my bones. It has been over a year since that fateful day in the Department of Mysteries, the day that I realized everything, and subsequently lost everything as well...

-------------------

"_Well done Ha-"_

_But the Death Eater Hermione had just struck dumb made a sudden slashing movement with his wand; what looked like purple flames passed right across Hermione's chest. She made a tiny "Oh!" as though of surprised and crumpled to the floor, where she lay motionless._

"_HERMIONE!"_

I still remember the thoughts going through my head in that moment...

'_Don't let her be dead, don't let her be dead, it's my fault if she's dead...'_

I couldn't think at that moment, not even when Dolohov disabled Neville by kicking him in the face. I remember crashing to the floor besides Hermione, fear gripping me that I had lost her. Only when Neville's howl of pain broke me from my trance...

"_PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!"_

Not even looking at Dolohov as he fell, I turned my attention back to Hermione...

"_Hermione," I said at once shaking her, "Hermione wake up..."_

"_Whadidd he do to her?" said Neville as blood poured from his swelling nose._

"_I dunno..."_

At that moment, I felt so lost... I didn't know what to do...

_Neville groped for Hermione's wrist._

"_Dat's a pulse, Harry, I'd be sure id is."_

_Such a powerful wave of relief swept through me that for a moment I felt light-headed._

-------------------

It wasn't until the end of my 6th year that I realized, I loved Hermione Jane Granger. Not like the crush I had on Cho Chang. Not like the friendly feelings I had for Luna Lovegood. I truly loved Hermione Jean Granger. And I lost her. Looking back at that moment, I realized what my subconscious knew that my waking mind didn't, that Hermione was everything to me.

That of all the madness in my life, of losing my parents at the age of one, being hounded by Dudley and his gang as long as I could remember, constantly being called a "freak" by my aunt and uncle, finding out that I was a wizard, and that there was a world that could accept me, of making friends, being attacked by a crazed maniac known as Voldemort. Fighting Quirrel and saving the Philosopher's Stone, killing a Basilisk and rescuing Ginny, finding my godfather and a link to my father, my name coming out of the Goblet of Fire, of losing Ron as a friend due to his jealousy, of fighting a dragon, watching Cedric murdered, being surrounded by Death Eaters and duelling Voldemort, of the nightmares in the Department of Mysteries, seeing Sirius falling through the veil and never coming back, of watching Hermione get hit by a jet of purple light, of knowing that in that moment; my world collapsed until Neville's words brought me back.

Of finding love.

In the madness I call a life, the one constant in my life, the one thing that kept me on my feet and walking forward; Hermione. She was always by my side willing to face the danger with me, guiding my hand with her presence. But I could never let her know my feelings in fear of ruining our friendship, in fear her not reciprocating them.

Not that I ever got the chance of letting her know.

When everyone was recovering in the hospital wing, I found myself constantly sitting by Hermione's bed as she recovered from the curse. I don't think she ever knew I was there because of the constant supply of sleeping potions that she kept taking for the recovery. I sat at her side, every chance I got, even when everyone else was asleep and the moon shone bright and heavy through the windows. I sat by her side, in thought, or whispering words into her ear. Memories of our second year came as I sat, of how I watched her constantly while she was petrified by that cursed Basilisk. Usually my words were a jumble from all the feelings mixing together, sometimes whispers of sorry flowed out, whispers of how I wasn't strong enough to protect her, whispers of how I shouldn't have let her come and get hurt. In my heart, three words were constantly on my tongue but I could never let them come out, my fear of what it meant kept me from saying it, no matter how much pain it did to my heart. Deep in mind, I thought over my feelings of Hermione and what they meant.

In truth it terrified me and at the same time exhilarated me to no ends. I always thought that love was a concept beyond me. Oh sure I knew it, I saw it, but I never believed I could actually _feel_ it. Even my time with the Weasley's as their "8th" child didn't give me these feelings. Looking at the feelings now, I never knew when they came, just that, they were always there. Was it when I realized that I could have lost her in the Department of Mysteries? When arrived in the Great Hall for the Yule Ball, at which she took my breath away? When she lay petrified trying to discover the secrets of the Chamber of Secrets? When she would sit in the library while going over notes, or planning ahead for her next class? Maybe it was the first time I say her on the train, when she opened the door and asked about a toad...

I don't know, and I probably don't really care either. Just knowing that I loved her was enough.

But it was not meant to be...

When Ron recovered from his mishap with the brains, he changed. Not outright, but the feelings between us had changed, I could see it in his eyes, they were full of an emotion I had seen often, hate. But... why did it come back? Could it be because I almost got us killed at the Department of Mysteries? Maybe because that time was the last straw for him? Could he have realized my feelings for Hermione? Could he have maybe finally tired of the charade of being my friend? Maybe the brains did something to him? I don't know, but he became more and more distant around me. Cutting loose you could say. It wasn't an outright slap in the face like in our 4th year when he accused me of putting my name in the Goblet of fire. But every so often when he didn't realize it, I would catch him at the corner of my eyes staring at me and when I looked at him he would immediately look away. But not quick enough that I saw the look in his eyes, a look at that time I didn't want to recognize, but now I realize, it was always there, hidden beneath a mask.

Hate. Fear. Jealousy. A cascade of emotions whirling around. Emotions like a hurricane that wouldn't let down.

-----------------------

Soon after Hermione recovered from the curse from Dolohov, it was time for us to journey home. Well what most of us would consider home. For me it was returning to a life time prison, but at least I had the chance that I would be leaving early to the Burrow, right? Right???

On the day of the train ride "home", I found myself alone in the hallways as people gave me a wide berth to walk though much to my confusion. Everywhere I turned; students would quickly hide behind a magazine or turn around rather than catch my eyes. Feeling like 2nd year was happening all over again, I quickly walked to the nearest carriage where Luna, Neville, Hermione and Ron joined me soon after. The flash of emotion crossed Ron's face again as he entered the carriage, unknown to him my eyes caught that bit before it was quickly masked by a smile that didn't meet his eyes, or cheek for that matter.

It actually looked like he was either smirking/sneering or looked like he was in a major need of going to the loo. Questioning him only made him go scarlet that was redder then a quaffle and a stammered negative response. When we entered the train and settled ourselves in the compartment, Ron got up saying something about Prefect duties much to the bewilderment of everyone before leaving the compartment. Hermione got up after a moment saying that she was going to check up on Ron and ask him what was wrong. At this a pain shot through my body as I watched her leave looking for Ron. Ignoring the pain for the moment, I focused my attention of what the summer was going to be like.

Before everything decided to run over me. Being in the middle of a simultaneously 100 pronged attack from _Reducto's_ would not have done the same amount of damage as what I realized what summer would be like. I had lost Sirius, my god father and another person's death I had caused. Until then I had been doing what I did best with my emotions, bottling them up. Like a tidal wave after a breached dam, I was overwhelmed to the point that my chest was heaving in sorrow.

Muttering something about the loo, I quickly fled to the nearest one and sealed it with silencing charms and locking charms before I let out the screams of agony of what I had done. I had killed my god father. I had killed my father's best friend. I killed him with my stupidity. Oh sure, I wasn't that one that fired the spell at him that led to him falling through the veil, but I'm the one who led everyone into the Department of Mysteries and eventually force the Order to come and save us. And because of that Sirius came to help. He came because he cared. He came because he was trying to save me. And what did I do? I watched as he was killed and did nothing. Yes I sought vengeance against Bellatrix. But she still got away and I was powerless when I fought against Voldemort. So powerless that he ended up taking over my body. So powerless that I couldn't stop the one witch, that meant more than the world to me, get hurt.

Tears rolled down my cheek and onto my shirt as pent up emotions took effect and exploded out of me. Unknown to me, hundreds of kilometres away, Voldemort was withering in agony in his chambers as my emotions poured into his body more painful than a Cruciatus curse could ever be. My emotions washed past Voldemort's defences like water in an ant hill as I let all the pent up emotions out. Through the link, I felt his scream of agony, pure and unadulteredated and through that link, I felt his pain as well.

Darkness overtook me as I blacked out from the assault of emotions and pain. When I awoke I found myself lying down in one of the compartments with my head on someone's lap. Letting out a small groan as I opened my eyes, I found my gaze locked with a pair of brown eyes surrounded by locks of lighter brown hair. My breath caught in my throat as time slowed down to the millisecond as I continue to stare into the brown orbs above me. In those eyes I saw concern and another emotion that I could not describe. In what seemed like eons my mind soul and body was focused on the pair of brown eyes above me, wishing that it would never end.

"Harry?" Even her voice sounded angelic to my ears.

Trying to recover, I stammered a reply. "Wh... Wha.... What happened?"

"We were hoping you could tell us that mate. One second everything is nice and dandy and the next the whole train is being rocked by waves like a Cleansweep one in a hurricane match!"A voice to my right said.

"We found you in the loo unconscious after the train stopped shaking. Can you tell us what happened?" Hermione said; her voice heavy with concern.

Swallowing thickly, "I'm not entirely sure, I don't remember what happened, I just remember going to the loo and then I wake up in your lap." Blood rushing to my cheeks as the words left my mouth.

A surprised "Oh!" quickly followed my words as our eyes broke contact and a flush went up Hermione's face, I noticed as my gaze watched her neck pinked from my limited view. Although from my vantage point, I had a close and personal view with two very shapely bumps before realizing where I was and cursing my teenage hormones. Lifting myself off Hermione's lap I stammered an apology before focusing my eyes on everywhere but at Hermione, willing my swelling to go down before too much blood drained from my brain. In my hurried movements I caught Ron's eyes and flickers of anger passed through them before I was able to focus on what was going on outside... although that task was hindered as I was sitting next to the compartment door and Hermione was beside the window.

"Are you sure your fine Harry?" Cursing inwardly on my new found emotions, I quickly nod.

The rest of the train ride passed quickly enough without much hassle as Luna, Neville and Ginny joined us and our conversations drifted from everything. At the same time I felt three pairs of eyes watching me closely, two of which showed the same emotion while the 3rd flashed flickers of hate ever so often.

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A/N - So how was it? This is my first fanfiction and I'm hoping that constructive reviews would allow me to become a better writer! XD

A/N – My working title for this was Alone and Found, but I changed it to Alone and Resolve because it sounded better :P

A/N – I'm probably gonna release a chapter once a week so keep an eye open!

A/N - Thanks to Natalya for being my beta!

A/N 2.0 - Fixed a little bit of continuity here since I got half a dozen complaints about it. Now let me clarify something. DoM was at the END of Harry's 5th year. Everyone got that? Good, now that means in 3 or so months, it will be Harry's 6th year. If Harry is at the train station for his 7th year, it HAS been over a year for Harry since his 5th year. Now all you are wondering, why would he be in 7th year when in the next set of chapters he's in his 6th year? It is because Harry is reminiscing of his 6th year and I didn't want to get full blown into it, so my initial idea was make Harry's 6th year short... ish... and have it go into 7th year, which was the original idea I had... Gonna complain? Bite me.


	2. Loss

Disclaimer I own Nothing!

Chapter 2 - Loss

**The rest of the train ride passed quickly enough without much hassle as Luna, Neville and Ginny joined us and our conversations drifted from everything. At the same time I felt three pairs of eyes watching me closely, two of which showed the same emotion while the 3rd flashed flickers of hate ever so often.**

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Dark clouds rolled across Little Whinging as streaks of thunder clashed across the sky like drum beats of godly powers. Winds whipped and spun itself around objects like a spurned lover, the barest of touch left a person shuddering in cold and anxiety, making them draw their jackets tighter around their body's. Those denizens brave enough to venture out in the ungodly weather did so hurriedly and with their heads down, as if the merest glance at another person would cause them untold pain. Rain danced across the pavement in a lullaby of nature as droplets of water cascaded down from rooftops and shingles.

I sat looking outside with my forehead pressed against my bedroom window. My distant eyes showing nothing and everything at the same time. If a person passing by were to glance, for a moment at my eyes, I knew that they would have told tales of sorrow and despair. Of anger and death. Of loss and failure. It had been two weeks since his return to Privet Drive, and only sparingly did I hear from his friends. Usually this wouldn't have bothered me much had it not been for the brief and sparing details of words I received. From Ron, it was a mutter of nothing barely a sentence long. From Hermione, it was short note of being at the Weasley's and nothing else. My thoughts tumbled against each other at what I was missing. Of what happened between us. While Ron was becoming ever more distant since the ordeal at the Department of Mysteries, Hermione was still close when we parted at Platform 9 ¾'s.

So why was she acting so distant? Didn't her letters usually run endlessly of what she was doing, what she thought and her concerns? What had changed? Why do I feel so empty all of a sudden when I received that message, yet moments before the thought of her was filling me with energy? What was this feeling inside of me? More importantly did something happen to Hermione? Did something at the Weasley's make her change? Nah it couldn't have. She was the brightest witch of the century for a reason. She wouldn't have gotten in trouble could she? She was at the Weasley's after all! Even in Ron's short letter, it mentioned that Hermione was over. And the Weasley's wouldn't do something to her... would they?

Shaking my head of the trouble thoughts, I couldn't escape the feeling of emptiness within.

"BOY!" A voice echoed from the kitchen, the volume shaking the house as if it shuddered from the weight of the words.

Getting up slowly, I opened the door and trudged down the stairs to see my uncle's pudgy face. Had it not been for the time I spent at school, I could have sworn that he was larger than he was last time I saw him. If that was possible... but one look around him dispelled any thoughts that someone could out pig my uncle as Dudley not only filled the door frame as he pitifully tried peeking around his father, his fat actually came down in, not one or two rolls, but _four_ rolls of fat visible beneath his disgustingly tight shirt. Closing my eyes quickly and doing my best to rid myself of the image short of bashing my head into the nearest object- wait scratch that, my uncle was the nearest object and my head would probably be lost within his blubber, only for the rest of my body to follow as I suspected that the fat in his body had finally gained sentience and had to actively eat else it would wail a pitiful cry of hunger that would match Celine Dion's singing!

Trying my best to not flee, turn green, OR vomit what my pitiful lunch was, I breathed deep and quickly else Vernon uncorked the infamous _Dursely Anger_, I stammered, "Yes Uncle Vernon?"

"The _family_ is going out for dinner to celebrate Dudley's win at his last boxing competition. I don't want any funny business with you _freaks_. No touching the telly, and your dinner is in the sink. Do I make myself clear _boy?_"

"Yes Uncle Vernon." Came my automatic reply.

"Good not get out of my sight before I reconsider what you have for dinner."

Without any hesitation I returned quickly to my room, to find an annoying ticking sound coming from the windows. Just barely discernible through the sheet of rain, I spied the flutter of a familiar scoop owl. Hurrying over, I quickly opened the window for the poor owl only for it to immediately drop his charge on the floor before skyrocketing out the window. Bewildered at Pig's action, or rather lack of, I edge near the letter as Moody`s _Constant Vigilance_ sprang in my head. Cautiously I pick up the letter from the ground and tear it open to find a short piece of parchment fluttering down to the ground. Eyeing it suspiciously, I hesitantly pick it up by the edge.

_Harry,_

_To be blunt mate, we don't want you as a friend. You`re no longer welcome at the Burrow and we don't want you near us. Your too dangerous to hang around and we feel that it`s safer for everyone if you were to just stay clear of us._

_From _

_Ron and Hermione._

Numbness filled me as the letter fluttered to the ground, my knees buckled beneath me as roaring filled my ears drowning out everything else. The ground rose rapidly to my face as darkness clouded my vision. And then, nothing.

-----------------

A/N - Yea i know, i could probably made the Dursely's more demonic, but this isn't a Dursely bashing story.... yet...

A/N - Thanks to everyone for their reviews on chapter 1!

A/N - I had the wierdest time writing this chapter as i tried to incorporate Dursely hate _and_ loss but decided in the end to cut the Dursely part short and let the loss ram Harry in the face.

A/N - I'm also looking for a couple more beta's, not saying my current one is doing a shoddy job but the more imput before i release a chapter is always helpful! :)


	3. Alone

Disclaimer: I own Nothing.... ah well....

Christmas/New Years Double posting! Part 1!

Chapter 3 - Alone

**_Harry,_**

**_To be blunt mate, we don't want you as a friend. You`re no longer welcome at the Burrow and we don't want you near us. Your too dangerous to hang around and we feel that it`s safer for everyone if you were to just stay clear of us._**

**_From_**

**_Ron and Hermione._**

_**Numbness filled me as the letter fluttered to the ground, my knees buckled beneath me as roaring filled my ears drowning out everything else. The ground rose rapidly to my face as darkness clouded my vision. And then, nothing.**_

----------------------

Over a year passed since that day, the day when I lost everyone. My mind was like a comatose state in the months that followed with bits and pieces floating in my conscious mind. But that day was clear... that day is still so painstakingly clear that it hurts the second I think of it...

----------------------

The rest of the summer flew by agonizingly long, my aunt and uncle felt a disturbance whenever I came into a room so they often ordered me to stay in my room or else, which initially bode fine with me until the weeks past and I started to yearn for human contact. So I often found myself outside for walks or runs. The running became something I craved for as it gave me a rush to forget all else but the pavement ahead of me and the focus of putting one foot ahead of the other. When I was too tired to run, I focused all my attention of walking back to Privet Drive and the pain in my chest and legs. I knew the pain was just momentary, but it didn't matter. I didn't want to feel anything else.

The months passed in this fashion, every day I kept running longer and longer, as if each step would take me further from the pain in my heart. From the world. Sirius's will reading passed, he gave me #12, but I didn't care, I gave it to the Order for them to see fit. I spent some of my time trying to contact my friends... hell I even tried contacting Dean and Seamus but all my letters came back unopened. It got to the point where one of them replied calling me a liar and danger to others, among other things, after that I stopped trying.

When I stepped on the Platform of 9 ¾ I felt the gaze of the students on me, those near the gate of the platform quickly stepped away and the hollow feeling I had returned tenfold. I quickly found myself sitting in a compartment at the back of the train at Platform 9 ¾'s, not wanting any company. I must have let Hedwig out when I arrived at the platform, as she was not in her cage. An image of her amber eyes stared at me pointedly before taking off into the sky flashed through my mind. I focused my eyes on the ground between my feet, not daring to look out the window to see anyone. People with family. People with friends. People not like me. Time past and the train eventually departed station. Finding myself looking at the passing landscape my eyes took in everything and nothing at the same time. I was trying my best to focus my thoughts on nothing, trying to ignore the fact that my former friends were somewhere on the same train with me. That we were going to be uncomfortably close in proximity, for me at least, for the next 9 months. However my thoughts betrayed me once again as I unlocked my Pandora's Box and the feelings I had been repressing for the last three months came washing over me, with the death of Sirius, the rejection of all my friends, and most importantly, the deepest hurt came from losing Hermione as a friend.

My feelings for her were so alien to me at the time. When I thought of her it left me exhilarated and hollow at the same time.

A single tear came rolling down my eye and I wiped it away angrily, not knowing why. It wasn't long before more tears joined the first as I hung my head. Muttering a locking spell and a silencing spell on the compartment door as fast as I could, I leaned forward to let my head hang between my knees. I let the tears come down like a tidal wave as emotions poured out. Tear drops splattered the carpet below as strangled sobs escaped my mouth. Hours later, or it could have been minutes, I don't really know, my tears dried but I still felt hollow inside as I let my head hang, eventually I lay down on the seat and closed my eyes.

Hours later I was abruptly awoken my something. Groggily I looked around to what exactly woke me. Finding nothing, I sitting up, I felt something slide off of me. Glancing down I noticed school cloak lying on my lap. Puzzled as I didn't remember putting it on me before my sleep, I shook my head to dispel the last of the cobwebs before I looked out the window. Noticing the already darkened sky, and the nearing lights of Hogsmeade quickly approaching, I scrambled to change into my school uniform.

When I left, I didn't even notice the compartment door was unlocked until I got into a carriage.

----------------------

The ride to the castle was slow and painful as the Thestrals reminded me of Sirius's death once again and I quickly lowered my head as I entered the empty carriage. Upon seeing Professor McGonagall I quickly hastened to her side and asked her for the password to the Gryffindor Common Room, not wanting to ask a Prefect for the password. Her eyes lingered on me as she muttered the password and told me to head in quickly. Arriving in the Great Hall, I noticed that a lot of the students had not returned this year, lowering my eyes; I quickly walked to the Gryffindor table and took a seat closest to the doors.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the headmaster stand up and announce that the sorting was to commence as the doors opened for Professor McGonagall as she lead the new first years into the Great Hall.

Come around boys and girls,

And listen to my tale,

Of how we came,

To tell tales,

In the Hall under sky.

Our founders told fables,

Of Hufflepuff Body!

Ravenclaw Mind!

Slytherin Wit!

And Gryffindor Heart!

Would become the Soul,

Of our very Castle,

United in the defence,

Of all we hold dear.

They told a legend,

Of a champion,

Losing his heart,

Heedless of body,

Locked away his mind,

Sense numbed!

And his soul dimmed.

And the darkness surrounded him!

Sucking away his soul,

Til' a glimmer shone,

Bright and true.

Healed his heart,

And the rest anew.

So come together,

Families and friends,

Around the campfire,

And let us stand,

Against the darkness,

United in all we hold dear!

Else we all perish,

On our own,

And the night,

Will never end.

Son of troubled souls,

The heaviest of burdens fall upon you,

Fear not!

Stand brave and tall,

Walk forward!

Else lose all you hold dear,

to the darkness.

Post Tenebras,

Lux.

Silence filled the Hall as everyone took in the Hat's song. Locked in conflict over what those last lines meant by the Sorting Hat, I barely noticed the sorting and anything else until Dumbledore clapping of his hands bring me out of my thoughts as food appeared in front of me. Having lost my appetite while in my thoughts I forced down some bits of fruit before I stood from the table and walked out the Great Hall. Out of the corner of my eyes I noticed the whole Hall staring at me as I walked to the doors.

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A/N – Post Tenebras, Lux – Latin for After Darkness, Light

A/N - So how ya like the song? That latin phrase at the end was a bit out but I wanted to include my favorite Latin phrase in this story somewhere. :)

A/N – Thanks to Mac and Draghknar for betaing my story!

A/N - Ya know, after reading back on chapter 2, I realized I could have done a bit more on it... but oh well


	4. Heartbreak

Disclaimer: Do I really need to keep saying it? Like really its fan fiction for a reason!

Christmas/New Years Double posting! Part 2!

Chapter 4 - Heartbreak

September went and left and I found myself nearing the end of October. Professor Dumbledore left me a message for me to have him "train" me in my fight against Voldemort in the starting week of September, but all we've done is go over who Voldemort was before he became... well Voldemort. How would the knowledge of how a person came to be let me beat him? Shouldn't I be, I don't know, learning ways to use magic instead of going over memories of a sick and twisted individual? Professor Dumbledore must have read my thoughts somehow as he explained to me that, "Sometimes, what we need lie naught in the present, or the future, but the past and how it came to be." Regardless, it doesn't bode well for me to waste time on Riddle's past, but I will heed the professor's advice.

As autumn wove its way around Hogwarts, I often sat by the rocks at the lake, sheltered from the wind and view of Hogwarts. I don't know why but I found this spot calming, maybe it was because it was sheltered off, and you would have to be looking to find it? Maybe it was because the hardness and silence of the rocks made me feel like becoming one of them as well? Uncaring and unyielding, not a care in the world as the world passed me by. Was this something I wanted as well? More than once I found myself wishing that was true.

My peers around me have been giving me furtive glances, as if I caught their eyes, their souls would be sucked out of them. Some of their eyes were filled with hate, most of those coming from the Slytherins, although I would admit, many of the Gryffindors gave me the same look as well. Sometimes it was fear, their eyes accusing me that what happening outside was my fault. In a way it was true...

Memories of 2nd and 4th year flash though my eyes as everyone accused me of something, but this time I had no friends to fall back on, they all left me. Once, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the hint of brunette hair and immediately I turned my head away, not wanting to see who it was, scared of who it was. I started to take longer routes getting to my classes to escape my peers condemning eyes. Not wanting to see the reflection of my own eyes condemning me as well.

Unfortunately some would not leave me be. Malfoy took every chance he got to ridicule me or jinx me. I took it stoically, having lost the will to fight, not after what happened last time I fought... Fighting only put others in danger. I fought and ended up making Ron get a concussion in first year. I fought and a man lost all of his memory regardless of who he was and how he acted. I fought and nearly killed everyone from a werewolf on the full moon and a hoard of Dementors. I fought and Cedric lost his life. I fought and lost Sirius when I was trying to protect him, but in turn he tries to protect me and loses his life instead. I fought and lose all my friends because they lost their faith in me. Faith that I don't want to put back because it would cause them harm.

Snape was probably the worst this year, he got his wish of becoming the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, a man name Horace Slughorn took over Snape's role as the Potion's Master of the school, luckily his standards were a bit lower, thus giving me the chance of taking NEWTs level potions.

Snape took every chance he could to humiliate me, whether it was in front of the class where he used me as a practice dummy for whatever spell he wanted to teach the class. His sneer almost permanently etched into his face when I wouldn't raise my wand to defend myself and gloatingly took off points whenever I failed to do something, which happened often.

-------------------------

"Do you think it's true?"

"Probably, this is coming from _him_ you know. If anyone would know better it would be _Ron._"

My foot stopped on the last step at the mention of Ron's name. My eyes widened in surprise. Flattening myself on the wall I could only listen to what was being discussed.

"Even so, do you think it's true that Harry's a menace? That he is too dangerous to be around?" the first voice questioned.

"You tell me, look at everything that happened to him. Hell even Seamus is saying the same stuff. He's saying that the Prophet's articles are dead on. Harry's attention seeking and it's dangerous to be around him."

"But he's the _boy-who-lived..."_

"So? How do you think he got that way? Dark Magic Ron tells me. The only reason he's in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin is because he threatened to burn the..."

I couldn't listen anymore; anger was pumping through me like electricity. Turning around I walked back down the steps towards the grounds. Towards the rocks... towards my solitude.

-------------------------

When Quidditch rolled around, I handed in my resignation of Quidditch Captain to Professor McGonagall the first chance I got, I had lost the heart to fly, and I didn't want to bring down Gryffindor's chance to win the Quidditch Cup with me.

"Are you sure about this Harry?" her voice heavy with concern.

"Yes professor."

"Can I ask why?"

"I....I... lost the will to fly... it doesn't feel the same anymore. It's like I'm on auto pilot when I'm on the broom. I know you like to keep the Cup in your office and I don't want to be the reason why you lost it."

Silence filled the room as her eyes gave me a knowing look that was mixed with compassion. "I... see... I hope that everything gets better for you Harry. Remember what the Sorting Hat said in the end, _post tenebras, Lux."_

She gave it to Ginny Weasley surprisingly. I thought she would have given it to _him_ or Katie Bell, both were good choices, but Ginny was surprisingly great at what she did. She wasn't scared to tell the team off, no matter who they were and brought the team together better than last year. They won their first match against Slytherin by a fair margin from what I heard. I wouldn't know, I didn't go to the game, instead I was holed up in an unused classroom reading through the tattered Advanced Potion-Making text book that I received from Professor Slughorn when I realized I could take his NEWT Potions but didn't have the text for class.

Now this book... it was old, but filled with scribbles of knowledge for spells and ways of brewing potions that came out top notch! Being formerly owned under the pen name named Half Blood Prince, I could only start thanking them for writing their knowledge as it has allowed me to advance quite far in Potions. My thirst for knowledge surprised me; it never came up before, although thinking about it, I had a special someone to quench it for me in some bizarre symbolic way. Unwanted tears came to my eyes and I brushed them off quickly before focusing on the words that lay before me.

The weeks flowed into Halloween and images of what must have happened to my parents as they gave their lives to save mine and what happened to everyone else flooded my mind as their ghosts came to haunt every sleeping moment. The ghost of my parents, Cedric, the old man from 4th year, Quirrell, Bertha Jorkins and Sirius were all accusing me of being the cause of their deaths. Eyes filled with hatred and loathing, each taking turns at accusing me of killing them. By the time Halloween came, dark bags hung under my eyes as I slept less and less, and ate even less than that, enough to keep me going, but never to fill me up. Years of living off scraps made me know what nutrients I would need to live off bare minimum.

Not wanting company on Hallows Eve, I made my way to Gryffindor Tower while everyone else was in the Great Hall for the Halloween feast. Muttering the password, I looked up in time to stop as my eyes to widen in shock. In front of me, Ron was kissing Hermione in the middle of the room. Turning around I quickly walked away from the portrait, mind numb and my heart tore itself to pieces while tears streamed down my face. And rage pounding in my heart.

-------------------------

A/N - Ouch! Thats all I gotta say for Harry. But hey? Whats a story without conflict?

A/N – Thanks to Mac and Draghknar for betaing my story!

A/N - Well hope you all enjoy the Christmas New Year double posting. Happy Holidays!


	5. Escape

Disclaimer: Fan fiction is fan fiction for a reason; it doesn't belong to the authors of said fan fictions.

Chapter 5 - Escape

**Not wanting company on Hallows Eve, I made my way to Gryffindor Tower while everyone else was in the Great Hall for the Halloween feast. Muttering the password, I looked up in time to stop as my eyes to widen in shock. In front of me, Ron was kissing Hermione in the middle of the room. Turning around I quickly walked away from the portrait, mind numb and my heart tore itself to pieces while tears streamed down my face. And rage pounding in my heart.**

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November passed in a blur before my eyes. Since that moment that forever seared itself into my memory, I spent less and less time near my peers and rejected any contact beyond what was necessary. I found myself unable to sleep with certain occupants in Gryffindor Tower and I found many sleepless nights tossing and turning in bed or laying on my back and staring at the ceiling, silently cursing the world.

It was unbearable. The laughter, the smiles, the cheery atmosphere. It was all too alien for me. The sound of the crackling fireplace, the ping of gobstones, the shuffle of cards for Exploding Snap, the cries of Wizards chess, the whisper of gossip behind open hands. The roaring laugh of Dean Thomas as he talked to Seamus, Ginny Weasley draped across Seamus's body as she listened with mirth. Colin Creevy talking to his brother Dennis about what pictures he took that day. Lavender Brown and Pavarti Patil huddled around a group of younger girls talking about the latest _Witches Weekly_. The warmth, the joy, the ease that the Common Room portrayed.

I hated it.

It reminded me of what everything was. What it all was like. Reminded me of _her. _Every time I saw them, my heart stopped, the smiles plastered on their faces whenever they were together once again reminding me of what I had, what I was a part of before. Whenever there heads would come together, a gut wrench feeling tore through me as the image of them kissing forced my eyes away.

I eventually moved myself out of Gryffindor tower by November's end, the unrelenting proximity to certain people taking a toll on my mind and body. In the end I took refuge in a hidden room on the 4th floor. I had enlisted Dobby's help to move when I could take it no longer, and to my gratitude he was eager to help me.

"What can Dobby do for Harry Potter sir?" the elf squealed in delight as he bounced on his feet as I stood just in the entrance to the kitchens.

"Dobby, are there any classrooms or rooms unused and can only be accessed by a secret passage?" My voice rumbled, harsh and unused, alien even to my own ears.

Momentarily taken back the sound of my voice, Dobby's ear flattened against his head before he bowed his head in thought. "There might be one room to your liking, Harry Potter sir. It is on the 4th floor, near the statue of Bildren the Thoughtful, sir. You have to touch part of the wall in a certain sequence before part of the wall allows you in Harry Potter, sir."

"That would be great Dobby; can you move my stuff to that room and convert it to a bedroom please? And can you show me what to do to get into the room as well? Also not under any circumstances tell ANYONE where I moved Ok?" my voice rasped in hope. Hope that I could escape the pain, even just a little.

"Dobby would be happy to help the great Harry Potter sir; for Dobby knows Harry Potter is a great wizard! Dobby also knows Harry Potter is having trouble with his Weazes and Grangy. But Dobby helps Harry Potter because Dobby is Harry Potter's house-elf!" Dobby squealed in delight as he jumped up and down with his ears flapping, before snapping his fingers and popping away.

-----------------------------------

In my self exile from the other students, I had stopped going to the Great Hall for my meals, and instead I made my way to the kitchen for food, often asking them for bare minimum, and sometimes even less. My marks in class dropped dramatically as my spell casting became more and more erratic. I couldn't even do a simple levitating charm without it taxing my body. Even during Potions, my marks dropped, not because of the lack of help I could get from the Half Blood Prince, but from not caring what I did with my potion, often throwing in half prepared ingredients into the cauldron as I tried to shut out the world around me. Everywhere I went, I got snide remarks. Whether it was from Slytherins, Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws or even my own house, it didn't matter. Always along the lines of _failure_, _outcast,_ _let down_, or even _worthless._

Christmas rolled by the corner, and I found myself not wanting to leave my room, not wanting to see the glimpses of happiness in other students as they chattered what they would be doing this holiday with their families or what they would be getting in gifts.

I filled my days with brooding, wallowing in myself pity. No family to go home to, no friends to hang out with. Shunned by the world, I felt myself slip deeper and deeper into depression as the world revolved itself around me, laughing at my misery. One time as I passed the stairs leading down to the 2nd floor, a tripping hex sent me tumbling down the stone steps. In the distance I could hear a scream. My bones jarred as my body came in contact with the stairs three separate times as I fell down, only stopping when I landed face down on the floor below. Pain ricocheted though my body as I felt blood trickle down my face. Splotches of darkness appeared in my vision as I desperately willed it to overtake me and release me from my suffering. Long moments I laid there on the ground, trying my hardest to let the darkness come and sweep me away, but it didn't. Gingerly, I rose unsteadily to my feet; blood splattered my shirt from a broken nose. I swayed unsteadily for moments before leaning heavily on the wall. Slowly I made my way back to my room.

From then on, the times I left my room were only for classes. What those classes were? Even I don't remember; all I remember is spending time between classes in the Owlery.

Hedwig gave me the contact I needed not to go insane. Her amber orbs often glazed at me with concern as I stroked her feathers. In my time with her, I talked, often getting nibbles of affection in response to some phrases or a hoot to others. Sometimes it was meaningless talk, talk about the weather, talk Christmas, talk about other owls, owls she might be interested in (this she gave me a reproving look and a sharp nip to my ear), eventually the talk wandered to how I spent my days, how I wish that I could go back in time and relive my early years in Hogwarts. Sometimes I talked about what would be different if Voldemort didn't exist. Other times I talked about what if I didn't exist. This went on for days as Christmas drew near; each time I talked I felt the world disappear, even if only for a moment.

Eventually Christmas break came, and most of the students packed up for the trip back to their families. Excitement boiled in the air, so thick and so, _strange, _to me then that it made me feel nauseous when I wasn't in my room. I retreated into myself so far to get away from those emotions that I came out a different person sometimes. Subconsciously I wanted to join them, in their laughter and fun, but I was also scared of the pain I would feel when they all leave me.

My sessions with Dumbledore took a standstill as he requested that we start once Christmas was over, something about visiting his brother Aberforth or whatever. It didn't matter; I wasn't interested in my sessions with Dumbledore anymore. I felt they did little good, looking over memories of Voldemort.

Voldemort. It all came back to him. It seemed he wasn't finished with my mind yet as dreams of him coaxing me to join his side haunted my every sleeping moment. In his first attempt we were surrounded by mist as dark as the night, his voice heavy as honey as he asked me...

"What do you have left Harry? They all left you. Dumbledore. The Weasleys . The mudblood."

"Leave me alone. "

"Join me Harry. Come to my side and become my champion."

"Leave me alone. Leave me alone."

"Do you know what they call you Harry? They call you the Chosen One, Harry. They see nothing more than a tool. A tool that would do all their dirty work for them. And why? Because they are sheep, weak, pathetic, spineless sheep, Harry. Only Wolves should be allowed to rule the sheep don't you think? So why not become my tool as we reshape this world. You know your nothing better than a tool Harry, that's what you were born as and what you have become. A tool. So why don't you become my tool, Harry? I can teach you much to sate your thirst for knowledge. Oh so very much..."

Silence.

"I can give it all to you as well, you know. Whatever your wish is. Who knows? Maybe I'll give you the mudblood, you two seemed close before, you can't hide your secrets from me Harry, I can read you like an open book." This was punctuated with laughter so dark that it made my skin crawl.

Brown eyes surrounded by curly brown hair flashed before my eyes. "I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE! GET OUT OF MY HEAD NOW!" My voice screamed anger pulsing from my mind like the eruption of a volcano. Voldemort snarled, aware of the danger he was in, hastily departed, not before hissing;

"This won't be the last time I see you Harry, oh no. _It will not_."

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A/N - Ya know, this is probably one of my more favourite chapters... not entirely sure why though...

A/N – Thanks to Mac and Draghknar for betaing my story!

A/N - Happy New Years Everyone!


	6. Direction

Disclaimer: I own nothing, make no money off of it, the only thing I do get is satisfaction of writing. That sounds wrong doesn't it?

Chapter 6 - Direction

**_"I can give it all to you, you know. Whatever your wish is. Who knows? Maybe I'll give you the mudblood, you two seemed close before, you can't hide your secrets from me Harry, I can read you like an open book." This was punctuated with laughter so dark that it made my skin crawl._**

**_Brown eyes surrounded by curly brown hair flashed before my eyes. "I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE! GET OUT OF MY HEAD NOW!" My voice screamed anger pulsing from my mind like the eruption of a volcano. Voldemort snarled, aware of the danger he was in, hastily departed, not before hissing;_**

**_"This won't be the last time I see you Harry, oh no. It will not."_**

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Christmas passed and New Years was only a day away. Every night Voldemort paid my mind a visit. His words changed but the meaning never did. Each time it took longer and longer for me to fight him off as part of me wanted to join him. The only thing that held me back was the thoughts a certain bushy brown haired girl. But I knew, even she couldn't hold me back much longer in my state. One morning, I looked at myself in a mirror in the bathroom converted Room of Requirement and the image scared me.

What struck me first was the deadness in my eyes; my own bright jade eyes had turned into an unsettling grey at the edges that was seemed to be working its way in. My cheeks were hollowed out like an artist's poor rendition of a skeleton. Deep dark bags hung under my eyes from the many sleepless nights I have had. What little weight I had left was long gone, leaving a skeletal frame in its wake. I forced my eyes away, away from what I had become, afraid of what I am. Deep within me wishing for a moment, that I could somehow find salvation in this world.

Although I didn't find my salvation, I instead found a reason to keep me going... in the most unexpected person at Hogwarts. Well, for me at least.

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The frigid winter winds of Scotland blew through the land around Hogwarts with a vengeance. During these times I kept myself outdoors, the first time in weeks having dropped Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures. The winter chill seeped into my bones making me feel hollow like my soul. I stayed at my favourite spot hidden in the rocks, my knees tucked into my chest with my arms wrapped around them and deep in thought when I heard the sound of snow being crunched underfoot.

"Hello Harry." A voiced echoed off the rocks in a dreamy tone.

My head snapped out of my thoughts at the voice, focusing on whose voice that belonged to. "L... Lu... Luna?" My eyes roamed the area for the elusive blonde. My body twisted to peer behind me to the sound of snow being stepped on. Her long blonde hair hung flapped loosely from the small frozen breeze circling the rocks, her head covered by a bright yellow beanie. Her trademark butterbeer bottle cap necklace and radish earrings perched on their usual places. The piercing gaze of her bright blue eyes peered at me intently.

"This is a nice spot Harry. I can tell why you come here to think."

"How did you find me?"

"I followed the trail of Bulstuts leading from the castle. They only stick to things in great need. So here I am."

Blinking my eyes in my attempt to understand the strange girl, I stammered a reply. "Oh... ok..."

"You know, you show signs of being visited by a Gnarit Faerie."

"... A what?"

"A Gnarit Faerie, they give people focus, often the focus is on knowledge. But the one near you left for some reason, I wonder why..." she stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

The corners of my lips twitched in response as if struggling to remember the forgotten act of smiling as I replied, "Oh... well I guess a certain someone must have a nest of them around her, doesn't she?"

"True, although sometimes I wonder why they nest near her, must be something about the hair."

I gave a snort in response to the silliness of our conversation, content on just staring across the lake while letting my thoughts clear for the first time in weeks, just glad that I had some human company in the longest time. I found myself enjoying the company of the weird girl as we talked about mythical creatures and how they have affected us. Luna's company was probably the only one I would actually allow during this time. She always held herself with an air of aloofness, cheerful and calm. A mask, just like what I use to wear. She and I shared a similar background. Some of it darker than mine, some of it lighter.

Her mother died before her eyes, but she at least knew her love whereas I only had glimpses of mine, although in some ways it's harder for her, because she knew her mother's love. She's ridiculed by the people around her; I'm ridiculed by the people of the world. Both of us outcasts of society. She, because of what she believes in, I, because what I have to do and what's forced upon me. Both of us on the same side of a card, yet at the same time, the opposite sides of it as well. We would have been good together, I mused, had my heart not already somewhere else...

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to talk to you until now. Ronald changed... I was hoping to find out why he changed... but I guess... it doesn't matter now..." Her voice thick with sadness and ... _regret_?

"Luna, you are worth a hundred Ron's. I use to think you two would look cute together... but now... not anymore... he's not worth your time and effort... I don't think he ever was."

"If I didn't know better Harry, I would say you were almost flirting with me." A small flicker of a smile twitched before fading.

A slight blush crept into my face. "You can't go through life with your head in the sand... 'Though sometimes I wish I could..."

We continued to stare across the lake until Luna remarked;

"Sometimes, Harry, the hardest choice for us is to accept what has happened and move on. I don't mean start loving someone else immediately, but put that emotion you attained into something else. Put it to use instead of letting it wallow and shrivel. It's better to known love and lost, than not know love at all. People get hurt Harry, whether physical or emotional. At least if it's physically they can defend themselves or be defended by others. But usually when people don't defend themselves others get hurt too, remember that. With emotional pain, sometimes it's good to talk to others, and sometimes it's best to read a book. Remember that well Harry."

Luna stood to leave, my bewildered eyes following her. A moment later realization hit me like a hippogriff stampede at what I had to do. "Luna wait! Th-Thank you... you know... for everything."

Smiling dreamily, she simply nodded before heading back to the castle. Leaving me to my thoughts on the future, at what I had to do.

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A/N - Gnarit -- Gnaritas -- Latin for Knowledge

A/N - I'm not entirely sure where i came up with Bulstuts, it sounded like something Luna would say. DON'T KILL ME PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

A/N - I had the hardest time with Luna's speech at the end. I wanted it to make sense, and all the time I knew what I wanted but it never came out right. In actuality i never knew what i wanted from what she said, I just knew that she would somehow bring Harry out from his depression. The first time I tried it was pure rubbish and didn't mean anything to help Harry in his situtation with his one sided love (for the moment) and loss.

A/N - Seriously Why didn't Moldishorts force his memory into Harry's head, Harry has an easy enough time getting into his head, why not just shove lots and lots of unpleasent memories into Harry's head and make him become a vegetable.

A/N - Thanks to Mac for betaing!


	7. Proclamation

Disclaimer: I ownz nothing. Makez nothing. Only fun at writingz.

Chapter 7 - Proclamation

**_"Sometimes, Harry, the hardest choice for us is to accept what has happened and move on. I don't mean start loving someone else immediately, but put that emotion you attained into something else. Put it to use instead of letting it wallow and shrivel. It's better to known love and lost, than not know love at all. People get hurt Harry, whether physical or emotional. At least if it's physically they can defend themselves or be defended by others. But usually when people don't defend themselves others get hurt too, remember that. With emotional pain, sometimes it's good to talk to others, and sometimes it's best to read a book. Remember that well Harry."_**

**_Luna stood to leave, my bewildered eyes following her. A moment later realization hit me like a hippogriff stampede at what I had to do. "Luna wait! Th-Thank you... you know... for everything."_**

**_Smiling dreamily, she simply nodded before heading back to the castle. Leaving me to my thoughts on the future, at what I had to do._**

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Weeks followed that conversation and January turned into February. Voldemort kept his nightly visits of "turn to the dark side" speech until changing his tactics to vary from talking to me, to showing me memories of what he would do, or what he has done. Screams haunted my mind as hours of sleep turned into hours of murder, torture and rape. The rush of feelings those acts gave Voldemort left me nauseous from the pleasure he took to inflict pain on others. Eventually I spent the time for sleeping into time I spent in the library regardless of the hour. Of course everything was so much easier with a cloak that turned you invisible and a self updating map of the castle and its occupants.

My conversation with Luna made me realize something. That even if I didn't fight, people would still fight regardless. If I were to lay down my wand, it might save some people, but others would take the fall and eventually those few I might have saved would get hurt as well. Not until a bastard calling himself Voldemort was buried and dead six feet under would it all end. But I had the chance to do it. A chance to stop the suffering. A chance to make the sun rise again.

I took a leaf out of Hermione's book by immersing myself into the library. My first target was to find Occlumency to learn what I couldn't from Snape. I learned step by step of harnessing my inner calm, the art of meditation you can say. Of blocking out every sound and thought, then being able to discern the smallest of sounds whether it be a door opening, the flicker of paper as a page was turned, or even the whisper of wind from the windows. From that point, it was merely envisioning what invaders of the mind would see when they try to reach in. Whether it was a dragon, a stone wall, a field of grass or a small box, it all depended on how to confuse and stun your opponent from entering your mind. Although reading from a book was all theory, a certain Dark Lord pounding on your head every night gave me the experience I needed to develop my mind's shield.

In my studies, found that once I harnessed my inner calm via Occulmency, my magic became much more... easy, you could say. No longer did I have to concentrate on what spell movement I had to do. It was merely thinking it, then powering it and making it happen. More often than not finished first at whatever task the professor gave us giving me ample time to read whatever I had at leisure.

I focused all my attention on absorbing as much knowledge as I could. Whether it was Herbology, Transfiguration, Charms, Potions, or even both sides of the Arts, Dark and Light. I even ventured into Arithmacy and Ancient Runes to unlock all the pathways I could take. Why prematurely shut off a path that could potentially help me in the battles ahead?

Voldemort troubled me less and less every night as his attempts caused me to strengthen and develop my Occlumency shields. Regardless of whether Voldemort was trying to enter my brain, I stayed up long nights in the Restricted Section of the library, going over any tomes I could find, and taking those I haven't read yet for later use.

During one of Dumbledore's "lessons", a troubling topic came up when I felt a familiar sensation in the back of my head that reminded me of when Voldemort attempted to force his way into my mind. Yet the feel of it was different. Glancing up at the Headmaster I noticed his eyes boring into mine, the familiar twinkle in his eyes shining brightly.

"Sir, why the HELL are you trying to do getting in my head for?!" My anger bubbling beneath the surface at the Headmaster's attempt to mind rape me.

Dumbledore coughed slightly at which I noticed the twinkle in his eye vanished and immediately the pressure at the back of my head disappeared. "Harry when did your Occlumency become so developed?"

Sneering in anger, "When Snape couldn't teach to save his life, sir. So tell me, why are _you _trying to force yourself into my mind?!"

Sighing, he responded, "Because of your scar Harry. And what Tom fears."

Startled I could only reply, "Wh-What do you mean?"

"As you know Tom made six Horcruxs thus splitting his soul into 7 pieces. But I have reason to believe that..." Professor Dumbledore seemed to hesitate for a moment, as if he was in a conflict with himself whether to tell me or not, "that Tom made a 7th Horcrux. And that Horcrux, is in you Harry."

"Wh-WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M A HORCRUX?"

Undisturbed at my volume, the Headmaster continued, "The night you survived the killing curse Harry. When you got that scar."

My eyes bulged at this information. "Are you saying... m-my scar is a Horcrux... sir?"

"Yes... I do believe that Harry, but I also believe that... the Horcrux in your scar is possibly long gone by now as well..."

"Wait... HUH? Not to sound remorseful or anything but what do you mean you think it's gone?" my eyes no doubt, bulging out at this new bit of information.

"Remember that night in the Atrium at the Ministry? When Tom possessed your body?" I nodded. "Tell me Harry, what happened."

"He took over my body, sir."

"And then?"

"He left..." A thought crept into my mind, "Wait... why did he leave sir?"

"Emotions Harry, to be specific; love is why he left. Your ability to love is what forced him out. Feelings for some people, or person, I should say, unless they have changed of course, if I may be blunt." His eyes full of sadness at this last part.

Images of brown eyes flashed through my head, brushing them aside angrily I asked, "But sir, what does that have to do with the Horcrux that is in me, sir... er, was in me?"

"If Tom couldn't possess you for five minutes because of the pain he felt, what do you think 15 years of love would do to a piece of Tom's soul?"

"I don't know sir..." I said stunned.

"Harry if I may take a guess, that piece of Tom's soul had two ways to go, either embrace your soul and become one," A look of revolt crossed my face, "Or dispel itself to the netherworld. Or I could be totally wrong and it is still residing in your scar."

"But sir, how do we know if it may or may not be in me?"

"Ah, therein lies the question we must understand. You have shown ability's that have been otherwise deemed dark. Take for example your ability to talk to snakes, Parseltongue, is an ability that currently only two wizards in this age have, Tom and you. Yet you show none of the tendency's that Tom did. You are not manipulative, controlling or power seeking. Why is that?"

"Because we are two different people?"

"True, but you have had, or possibly still have, part of Tom's soul in you."

"So what am I suppose to do then? If I'm a Hocrux then Voldemort can't die till I die."

"Ah but you forget your first year, when Tom's fragment left Professor Quirrel's body and passed through yours before fleeing. It is also possible in that moment, when Tom entered and left your body, he had taken what was left of his soul out of your body as well. Not to mention the time he possessed you at the Ministry's Atrium. Both times could have removed what was left of his soul from your body, leaving only his powers behind. Or even in your second year, when you were linked to Tom via his diary for the short amount of time..."

Accepting that as a possibility in relief, I nodded mutely, deep in thought. "So what should I do sir?"

"What can you do? What can any of us do Harry for that matter. I suggest you focus on your studies while you still can and learn what you can. But for next time we meet, I believe in the best interest I shall start teaching you what I know of the craft."

Peeking my interest, "Sir what do you mean?" Praying my voice wasn't too hopeful.

Professor Dumbledore chuckled at my question. "What I mean Harry, I am willing to take you as my disciple and teach you what I know. Now it's quite late and I think it's best for the both of us to get some sleep."

A thought entered my mind and on impulse I asked, "Professor, before I go can I ask you, why do you call Voldemort, Tom?"

Blinking his eyes at me as he considered my question. "Pride Harry, I call Tom by his given name because of his pride. He takes a great deal of pleasure being called his anagram name and I will not give him the pleasure of doing that. He so wishes to discard his past and embrace what he thinks he is, that he has lulled himself into a... grandeur... you can say he's believes himself to be godlike. Calling him by the name shared by his father brings him back to reality that he is... in a sense still human. Also, one of the rules I have learned in a duel is to get under your opponents skin and half the battle is already won. And what better way to do that then call Tom by his real name? If that may be all. Good night Harry."

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A/N - Anyone else think about that? 16 years in Harry's head and the damn thing didn't change a BIT?! I know a couple of authors who had that as a focal point of Harry's power or what not. But still *refer to arguments in story killed people.

A/N - Kinda need a couple of extra beta readers at the moment, some of the people betaing for me are wrapped up in real life and I could REALLY use the extra help with some of the chapters. Just pm me if your interested... Thanks in advance!


	8. Death and Action

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 8 - Death and Action

**_"Pride Harry, I call Tom by his given name because of his pride. He takes a great deal of pleasure being called his anagram name and I will not give him the pleasure of doing that. He so wishes to discard his past and embrace what he thinks he is, that he has lulled himself into a, grandeur, you can say he's believing himself to be godlike. Calling him by the name shared by his father brings him back to reality that he is... in a sense still human. Also, one of the rules I have learned in a duel is to get under your opponents skin and half the battle is already won. And what better way to do that then call Tom by his real name? If that may be all. Good night Harry."_**

--------------------------

Dark grey eyes stared back at me from the mirror. Blue eyes. Purple. Brown. Then back to my original green. With a thought my hair turns blonde, than chalk white, then sleeking itself down like Malfoy's before changing back to its original color and positions. Peering into the mirror intently, I check if anything is remiss in my appearance. Satisfied that nothing was out of the ordinary, I slipped out of my room with the Map clutched in my hand, taking empty corridors and hidden passages towards the kitchens for breakfast.

It was the last day before the summer holiday and I found myself anxious to leave Hogwarts for the first time ever. The air was dreary with loss and I wanted nothing part of it. My thoughts drifted back to the conversation I had had with Professor McGonagall only a couple of days ago...

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_The sound of steps echoed off the stone walls of Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I glanced up to see Professor McGonagall making her way towards me, a tight line forming on her mouth. "Hello Mr. Potter, I see you're mostly recovered."_

_I looked around at the near empty Hospital Wing before responding, "Yes Professor, how did the Death Eaters get into Hogwarts?"_

_"The vanishing cabinet apparently."_

_"Oh..."_

_"Mr. Potter, if I may be blunt, what were you and Professor Dumbledore doing before you came back?"_

_"A mission."_

_Silence._

_"And what is this mission about, if I may ask?" Asked Professor McGonagall after the pregnant pause._

_"It's about Voldemort. That's all I can say Professor. Professor Dumbledore requested that I kept what I knew to the utmost secrecy."_

_Sighing in exasperation Professor McGonagall asked, "I see... although I won't force you to tell me, I will however tell you that I will do anything to my ability to help you in whatever your doing."_

_"Thank you Professor, that means a lot to me."_

_As she was turning to leave, I took a chance called her back. "Professor McGonagall, wait!"_

_"Yes Mr. Potter?"_

_"Can we keep this private?"_

_"Understandable." Waving her wand, she muttered numerous silencing charms and privacy charms before turning back to me. "Now what is it that you want to tell me?"_

_Taking a heavy breath and a chance, I began, "Do you know what a Horcrux is?"_

--------------------------

_Hours passed as I told my tales to Professor McGonagall, of moving out of Gryffindor Tower to studying all I can, and to the private lessons between me and Professor Dumbledore. I left nothing out except for the reason I left Gryffindor Tower. She didn't need to know why. No one did... ever. At the end of my story, Professor McGonagall stared at me, open mouthed and eyes wide._

_"D-D-Dare I say Mr. Potter, if this was from anyone else I would have immediately stunned them and shipped them off to St. Mungo's ward for Spell Damage. But since it's you Mr. Potter I have no reason not to believe it. Now what are you planning to do now?"_

_"I'm not sure Professor. I can't go across the country on my own now can I? One wrong step and I fall into Voldemort's hands and good bye world."_

_"Quite."_

_"So I was thinking, I would come back to Hogwarts for my seventh year... but..." I hesitated, unsure if it was the best to continue._

_"Continue." Professor McGonagall's eyes were inquisitive and searching._

_I took a deep breath, "I would come back under a different name."_

_Blinking in surprise, she asked, "What do you mean by that? And what would that accomplish?"_

_"If I were to come back next year as myself, Hogwarts would be one of the main places that Voldemort would strike, more so then regular. But I can't exactly hide myself in a hole somewhere hoping that the problem goes away can I? I was thinking of continuing my studies, learning all I can before I have to face him. But to do this, I would have to be at Hogwarts which leads back to my problem. So I was thinking this..." Concentrating I turned my eyes grey and lengthened my hair to my shoulders. "If I change my appearance, no one would know it is me and I can still continue to come to Hogwarts for my studies."_

_Wide eyed, McGonagall stared at me quietly before muttering something about 'Surprises' and 'generation of Maruader's' before she said, "Well this is an... unusual idea. I do however believe it can be done.... Now I must ask... you haven't used your... abilities.... for anything else now have you?"_

_My eyes widened at what the Professor implicated and I swore there was a hint of a smile on her face as I stammered a hasty response, "N-No of course not Professor."_

_"Good. Now we need to go over the details of what you're planning to do."_

--------------------------

My Metamorphmagus abilities came to light one day when I looked in the mirror to see myself with purple eyes. Giving myself a double-take I peered at myself closer, wondering what could have happened to change my eye colour when it suddenly turned back to its green hue. The image of Tonks flashed in my mind, giving me an idea. Concentrating with my eyes shut, I opened them to witness long pink hair greeting my horrified eyes before I concentrated it back to normal. Breathing a sigh of release at not having to walk around school with long bright pink hair, I amused myself by testing my new found abilities. '_So this is why I never had to get a haircut. Not to mention my hair growing back after those horrendous visits at the barbershop when I was younger.' _I grinned a little in thought, the muscle's in my face unused to the action, but I didn't care, this was fun I haven't had in a long time. '_No wonder I never had to change prescriptions for my glasses since I was around seven years old._

Now with my Metamorphmagus abilities under control, I started to focus on more important things. Concentrating on my studies has proven quite helpful coupled with Professor Dumbledore's teachings. Under the Headmaster's guidance I was able to perfect the ability of nonverbally casting my spells.

Occulmency and Arithmacy helped me greatly in this aspect by giving me the peace of mind to summon the necessary power and control of releasing it. My studies into Arithmacy taught me the inner workings of spells; of how numbers and their connection to magic. And from there I learned of spell creation and power usage.

In Ancient Runes, I learned the art of the Glyphs, channelling power and thought into an inanimate object. And mixed with Arithmacy, the first of my creations was a stones that, with a touch, brought forth light without the use of a wand.

With Arithmacy and Defence Against the Dark Arts I developed various spells and alterations to spells. One in particular was a modified shield spell_,_ the _Speculum Protego,_ which was able to rebounds spells cast back to its caster. At my attempts to develop a full body shield rather than a wall, I created the _Coerceo Protego_. However drawback I found; was the moderate drain of power it required. In light of that, I found that it gave near 360'o protection against most spells but would not last to continuous stream of spells. For offensive magic, I developed the _Flamma Carcer_. Literally _Flame Prison _or_ Prison of Fire,_ it entrapped an opponent within a series of walls of fire that would quickly burn into the person._ Ventus Attero, Wind to Destroy,_ compressed a small pocket of air before releasing it in a wide burst. Basically, it was a widespread _Reducto_ that had a short range area-of-effect ability which basically blasted those caught in its path away. Probably not one of the best spells to use in a duel, but it was great to use on groups of enemies as well as using it to create havoc when fired against shelves or wooden furniture.

--------------------------

The hunt for the Horcrux's was successful in part, we found Helga's Cup in the trophy room, presumably left there when Voldemort visited Hogwarts one last time for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position. What better way than to hide it in plain sight? We thought, so our first search was to the trophy room, finding the cup hidden behind the shield that Tom had won for 'services' by framing Hagrid.

We took it back to the Headmaster's office, where we hastily put up numerous Privacy Charms and Silencing Charms as we prepared for the worse. Professor Dumbledore gave me the Sword of Gryffindor to destroy it. He said something about the Basilisk venom had become part of the Sword I didn't really understand it too much, but I didn't really care, as long as it brought me one step closer to finishing off Tom. A hellish scream erupted from the cup as I sliced it cleanly through the middle. The sound vibrated around the Headmaster's office as the portraits fled from the piercing scream. We stood in shock as a wraith rose from the remains of the cup only stopping a few feet from the ground; it screamed its pain as the heavens tore it asunder before blasting its ectoplasm from whence it came...

--------------------------

The late June sun shone through the windows as I took the quickest route to my destination. The ruins of Hagrid's home still in ruins greeted me as I took a glance out the window. The last week for everyone allowed to stay for Dumbledore's funeral was a torrent affair with everything going on. People whispering wherever I went, glaring at me as if _I_ killed Dumbledore... it was too much... the was memory still fresh only after a week...

--------------------------

_I remember being bound by Professor Dumbledore and forced to watch as Snape murders him. With the death of Professor Dumbledore, the spell that held me released itself and I tore after Snape only to be met with a black cloaked man with his hood back. His feral grin at the sight of me sent him salivating as his long canines dripped uncaringly onto his chin. His yellow silted eyes gleaming at what he believed to be as his 'prize'. My anger was so great that I don't even remember thinking of a spell as my Flamma Carcer left him a pile of ash. His scream echoed off the walls, as the flames consumed his flesh and organs, the Death Eaters paused momentarily at the hellish scream before focusing on whatever task held their attention before. Shadows darted to my left and right as spells were shouted and battles ensued. Crabbe Sr. stepped out in front of me from behind a statue but a quick Reducto left him with a gaping hole in his chest. Blood poured from the open wound, his heart still attempting to pump his lifeblood into non-existing organs. I felt his eyes on me as he dropped to his knees; I felt the pain and anguish filtering through me from some unknown connection as I raced past him._

_Sensing the danger in me, many of the Death Eaters threw themselves in my path as Snape and Malfoy ran past the Entrance Hall. Flashes of spell work flew at me in a myriad of colours. Without thinking I yelled "SPECULUM PROTEGO!" while dodging behind a statue. The few who remained standing continued to fire spells at me as they tried to better hide themselves. Growling in frustration I threw caution to the wind by letting off a whirlwind of spells as I rushed to the open doors. _

_One Death Eater fell to the receiving end of my Sectumsempra as I rushed past him, not caring that his body toppled backwards; hitting the floor a moment before his head joined him, a look of shock on his face as his mask fell off. His former body spasmmed on the ground pumping blood across the floor and walls like an open faucet as it coloured the hallway in bright splotches of red. When I finally reached the doors, Snape and Malfoy had already apparated away._

_I fell to my hands and knees as the adrenaline ran its course through me. My thoughts only repeated the same thing over and over again; I failed. I failed in taking Professor Dumbledore's murderer down. A howl erupted from deep within me, harsher and darker then if I was under the Cruciatus curse, anger rippled from me in waves. Tears stung my eyes as the sense of loss filled me, once again failing to protect someone I cared about from dying. I felt my anger fuelling my magic into my muscles as I raised my fists. Bringing them smashing down into the stone ground I took little satisfaction from the small craters formed beneath my fists._

_I heard shouting behind me before Darkness took my vision._

--------------------------

A/N - Awww it stopped already? I know eh? Quite annoying but i couldn't have the chapter run any longer or else I might ruin it. *shurg*

A/N - Flamma - Flamma. Carcer Latin for Prison

A/N - _Ventus Attero - _Wind to Weaken or Wind to destroy depending on the translation.


	9. Realization

Disclaimer: I own nothing once again.

Chapter 9 – Realization

_**I fell to my hands and knees as the adrenaline ran its course through me. My thoughts only repeated the same thing over and over again; I failed. I failed in taking Professor Dumbledore's murderer down. A howl erupted from deep within me, harsher and darker then if I was under the Cruciatus curse, anger rippled from me in waves. Tears stung my eyes as the sense of loss filled me, once again failing to protect someone I cared about from dying. I felt my anger fuelling my magic into my muscles as I raised my fists. Bringing them smashing down into the stone ground I took little satisfaction from the small craters formed beneath my fists.**_

_**I heard shouting behind me before Darkness took my vision.**_

--------------------------

It had been over two months since I left Hogwarts for the summer. Two months since I talked with Professor McGonagall about my plan. Two months since Professor Dumbledore's funeral. The memory of the event kept playing over and over again in my mind, the realization of what was in my heart echoed in my head...

--------------------------

_I was sitting in the front row as the Minister gave the eulogy. Hagrid was somewhere in the back; his tuba like sobs going off every couple of seconds. At the corner of my eye, I saw McGonagall dab at her eye with a handkerchief as various other people were wept, many of whom I didn't know. At the end of the speech, the centaurs gave one last salute to Dumbledore launching arrows into heaven, which when they came falling back to earth, formed a long line from a few feet from Dumbledore's tomb, each of their feathers coloured black. I remember standing up, as everyone stood to give their last farewell to the fallen wizard, and looking around, not really sure what I should do. I noticed them together whispering about something to each other a way off. I turned to look away but at the corner of my eye, just as I would have cut the image of them together from my vision, she looked at me. And in that very instant my world compressed itself for a second. The emotions I had been pushing to the side, or using for my studies came crashing down. The block I had put up against it was like a rock against a tsunami._ _Every detail of her became so painstakingly clear; the way her hair cascaded around her shoulders, the way her eyes were red and puffy from crying, but still clear and as full as the moon, her soft pink lips that just dared me to kiss them, the line of her neck as she turned her head to look at me._

_My throat constricted as I finally moved my head enough to remove her from my vision. And I felt the world darken. It struck me so painfully that I was forced to stare into the heavens so that my tears wouldn't fall. The rush of feelings left me almost dazed and disoriented as my thoughts jumbled around in my head. 'Why did seeing Hermione hurt so much?' I thought to myself. Questions I long shut away came back, 'Why did seeing her and Ron kiss make me feel as if my heart was being ripped open? Shouldn't I be glad that they found some happiness, no matter what Ron did?' Then the feelings I had been suppressing for the better part of many years rushed through me... And I realized it...  
_

_I loved Hermione._

_I love her! I love Hermione Jane Granger! The realization hit me at that very moment.__ I love Hermione Jane Granger. Not like the crush I had on Cho Chang. Not like the friendly feelings I had for Luna Lovegood. I truly loved Hermione Jane Granger. And i__n the span of milliseconds the sorrow, the pain, the anger, all washed away when I saw her... in that very moment, I felt my world... relax.... something, that for the past year, I have had little of. My heart started to pound its release in my chest. But I shut it away... I forced myself to walk towards the entrance to the castle; away from funeral, away from the tomb, away from the pain._

_My throat constricted as I finally moved my head enough to remove her from my vision. I loved her! I loved Hermione Jean Granger! The realization hit me at that very moment. In the span of milliseconds the sorrow, the pain, the anger, all washed away when I saw her... in that very moment, I felt my world... relax.... My heart started to pound its release in my chest. But I shut it away... I forced myself to walk towards the entrance to the castle. Away from funeral, away from the tomb, away from the pain. _

_And away from my heart. _

----------------------------

It was all in the Hero's handbook you know? Chapter one of_ 'Elementary Heroics and Daring Deeds for Beginners_'; _"Heroes haven't the time for trifles such as dating as all of our time is spent saving and protecting the world and the people we care about from harm. We are permitted to fall in love eventually, but we must love from afar."_

Yup, all there in the trusty Hero's handbook. Not that it existed of course, else there be a bunch of people running around with a copy of it doing Merlin knows what. I couldn't show her my love... if _he_ knew... then I would be putting her in more danger I kept telling myself.

'_I can't love her,'_ I thought to myself, '_everyone I cared about ends up dying. If I don't care about them they won't get harmed right?'_

'_But people still get hurt even if you don't care about them. Plus you more than care about her, you love her.'_ My own conscience retorted.

'_I don't.'_ I pleaded weakly.

'_You do and you know it. And _he_ already knows, remember the first time he came?'_

'_But still as long as he 'thinks' he knows it is better then he knows for sure.'_

'_That doesn't matter at all, he will go for her no matter what, just to spite you and show you that anyone that knows you will die painfully.'_

'_So what am I suppose to do then? What are you asking me to do?!' _I screamed at my own head.

'_Don't delude yourself that hiding will protect everyone, that's why you're going back to Hogwarts for your Seventh Year aren't you? To protect everyone in case Tom attacks and you can protect them. Mainly being able to protect _her_.'_

'_Yes but still, even if I love Hermione, she probably doesn't have the same feelings for me. She's with Ron, and if that makes her happy, I-I-I'm... fine...'_ the thoughts hollow and empty, like an echo of what I felt in my heart as I thought those words...

----------------------------

It was a week back from Hogwarts that those thoughts kept running in my mind. In the end I was forced to brush them aside for the work I set out for myself for the few weeks I would be here. I started to train regularly, running, weights, and aerobics. The works. The tiredness and soreness was a rush to me, letting myself indulge in the pain once again that left me thinking of nothing else. The loss of Dumbledore weighed heavily on my mind and the love I found in Hermione. I could stop this war.

Somehow I thought weakly...

'_NO!'_ My conscience shouted vehemently, I have to stop this war, for people hurt. For people who are going to be hurt. For the children that were going to be orphaned, or had already been orphaned, for those who have lost family members because of a lunatic...

For _Hermione..._ I have the power to stop the fighting. I have the chance to end it.

The weeks passed and my birthday drew near. I knew Tom would strike me the second it struck. So I tasked myself in learning wandless magic with my physical training. It was slow and torturous. It took me a full week before I could lift a piece of paper even with the words spoken. At the first sign of the paper moving to my thoughts I redoubled my efforts. By July 30th I could lift the paper and have it float around my room, but heavier objects took more power.

----------------------------

Loud cracks woke me from my slumber. In truth, I felt it a moment before I heard the actual sounds. But before I could analyze this new information the shouts of curses and spells flew in from the outside. Grabbing my wand I rushed downstairs a moment before the front door was sent flying through the house and landing in the kitchen. In its wake the black robes of a Death Eater strode into open frame, his cloak billowing around him like a second skin. His mask turned to me as my mind reset itself and instantly the world slowed down to a crawl. I saw the Death Eaters wand arm rising, inch by inch. Without realizing it my own wand rose as well, but _faster_, the first spell that came to my mind rolled off my lips...

"_STUPEFY!"_

The red light erupted from the tip of my wand and the world decided to set itself back to normal speed. Like a slow motion movie being put into fast forward, my spell struck the Death Eater sending him sprawling onto the edge of the doorframe before sliding to a sitting position on the ground, his mask slide off and the glint of Lucius Malfoy's hair reflected off the dim light of the morning. I ignored him as I quickly I ran past him onto the front steps where I stood witness to a full out battle between members of the Order and Death Eaters. Unfortunately the Death Eaters had come in force compared to the hastily summoned Order Members. Already both sides had taken casualties but more and more members of the Order were falling quicker than the Death Eaters. In the span of a second I summoned my inner calm and my mind cleared itself. Gone was the anger, gone was the exhilaration, gone was the fear and all it left was action.

Whipping my wand up, I closed my eyes in anticipation while bellowing. "SOLARIS!" Light erupted from the tip of my wand as if channelling the sun itself. Numerous people cried in agony as the bright light shone for a moment leaving many of them dazed and disoriented. I sent a barrage of spells at the dark clad figures as I rushed past a stunned Order member. Any spell I could think of I threw at them, many of them silently thrown; my movements a blur and only the light coming from my wand was any indication of what I was doing from the ritual like movements of my wand arm.

More than dozens of Death Eaters fell to my blitz. A single _Ventus Attero_ sent another dozen flying. My surprise attack came to an end when Death Eaters and Order members alike regained their sight and started to throw curses and hexes at each other with renewed passion, or in my case, with a deep vengeance in the case of the Death Eaters. I dodged and weaved my way around spells as I continued to fight back at the dark clad figures until a cutting hex ripped into my right shoulder that forced me to stumble back a few steps under the weight of the spell. I felt my blood flow freely from the wound as another cutting hex hit the outside of my left thigh while a _Reducto_ caught my left arm. A gruttal cry erupted from me as the tandem of spells sent me hurling backwards as I felt my elbow dislocate from the _Reducto_. I weakly scrambled to my feet as I waved my wand erratically to erect a silent _Protego_ to give me some time.

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

Time slowed down again as I felt the words being shouted behind me. Twisting around, I saw the green light floating in midair. Millisecond by millisecond the light inched its way towards me. I knew this time that I would not be fast enough to save myself. I forced my eyes to remain open as the hellish green light forced all my attention on it.

'_I will not close my eyes to death_', I thought, '_If I were to die, I will face it with open eyes!'_ Somewhere... in the background I heard a scream as I prepared myself to face my destiny.

A shadow unsteadily rose in front of me and before my startled eyes it captured the light into itself. The second time for that day, the world fast forwarded itself as the figure in front of me collapsed and the sneering face of Lucius Malfoy came into my view.

In that instant I realized something. In a battle, leaving a man down who was still able to fight was like leaving a crosshair painted to your back. That when fighting evil that wasn't pulling any punches, throwing stunners and lesser spells that, on your own, was nothing more than an annoyance to your opponent would get you killed. In that moment, I realized that to show compassion and mercy to those that were unworthy of it led to you being killed. And in that moment of compassion; of letting Lucius Malfoy live without any other precautions, I had cost another soul their life. I felt the air around me crackle with energy as anger poured itself back into me. I felt my eyes shine with light as if I was looking at myself from another person. Bright blue lightning crackled at the corner of my eyes as they turned pure white.

My mouth opened, "_FLAMMA CARCER!_"

A howl erupted from Lucius's mouth as the flame ate away at his being, trapped in a prison of fire. Lucius Malfoy ceased to exist beyond ash. Like a signal of retreat the remaining Death Eaters fled with those they could reach. Cracks echoed off the houses as a dozen robe figures evaporated away.

Walking over to the body in front of me, I fell to my knees as I loomed over the poor soul I had inadvertently killed. My blood splattered the pavement as the hollow face of Mundungus Fletcher stared back at me, his eyes filled with shock at his sudden death. My right hand shakily moved over his eyes, closing them with finger and thumb. I gingerly moved to stand up when a glint of metal flashed in the rising sunlight caught my attention. Intrigued I lifted his coat and a metal link slide out of his pocket onto his chest, followed by the locket. My eyes widened at what I saw, a snake forged into a S.

Memories of my summer at Grimmauld filled my mind, particularly the memory of a time spent disposing of the trinkets left by the former occupants. One trinket in particular came to mind, one that defied all attempts to open it...'_Mundungus must have nicked it when we were throwing it out... but... no...It couldn't be... fate must have a sense of humour.'_ I thought

I had its twin locked away in my trunk! I quickly shoved it into my pocket before any else could see my thoughts going over that I had found another Horcrux, part of me was torn between hating Mundungus for stealing from Sirius and the last part of me, that I had caused his death. In the end I whispered a prayer for his soul before stumbling to my feet as I limped towards the house to tend to my wounds when I heard my name being called...

"Harry, wait!"

----------------------

A/N – Solaris – Solar, sun.

A/N – Thanks to Searcy for the idea of _The Hero's Handbook_ from her story Bewitched Senses at harrypotterfanfiction!

A/N – I had probably the hardest time writing this chapter after writing 8 as I wanted to include a lot of stuff. But half the ideas I had would have broken the proverbial wall. I kinda desperately wanted to change Voldemorts name to Moldishorts to give a good laugh but decided against it as it would have been quite anti sad/dark/remorseful Harry to start making up names.

A/N – A big hand for Vamp and Kelsey who I stupidly left out as my beta's for chapter 8!

A/N – a big hand for Vamp and Kelsey for being my Betas for chapter 9!

A/N - !#$%^& Had to reformat my comp because MS OS6 Sucks. So I am momentarily rolled back and due to loss of some work I had done for the past week on upcoming chapters so I might be a bit late in updating! (Be glad I'm even making the effort to continue for those who are petty)


	10. A Song? A Battle and a Train Ride

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This disclaimer stuff is kinda annoying ain't it?

Warning! Bit of a songfic this one is. _I don't Care_ by Apocalyptica featuring Adam Gontier.

Thanks to Fiertonks and Vamp for being excellent betas!

Chapter 10 – A Song? A Battle and a train ride

_**In the end I whispered a prayer for his soul before stumbling to my feet as I limped towards the house to tend to my wounds when I heard my name being called...**_

"_**Harry, wait!"**_

----------------------

_**I try to make it through my life  
In my way, there's you  
I try to make it through these lies  
And that's all I do**_

There I stood in the rain as I prepared myself to go to my Seventh and final year at Hogwarts. I glanced around casually before making my way into the platform. My grey eyes darted about as I watched people bustle about on their business. My highlighted black hair hung around my shoulders like a hood as I passed a muggle family, their young child swinging off the arms of her parents as they made their way to leave the train station. As I walked through the barrier that separated the muggle platform from the magical, I allowed myself a moment to stare at the red train that would take me to my final year at Hogwarts...

_**Just don't deny it,  
Don't try to fight this, and deal with it  
and that's just part of it, **_

-----------Flash Back-----------

"_Harry, wait!"_

_**If you were dead or still alive  
I don't care, I don't care  
Just go and leave this all behind **_

'_**Cause I swear (I swear), I don't care**_

My body froze as if hit by a full body bind at the sound of the voice, _her_ voice. '_No,'_ I thought desperately, willing to the gods that she wouldn't be here, '_she couldn't be here. Why would she be? Why would she be here? Why would they let her be here? It's too dangerous!'_

"Harry.... Please... I... I... I want to talk."

I closed my eyes tightly as I slowly I turned my body, I was fearful of who I would see... but I couldn't help myself, with one last deep breath I opened my eyes to look at the owner of the voice. Brown eyes filled my vision and once again I found the walls I constructed come crashing down again. Pain and sadness filled my eyes as she stared into them. I didn't bother hiding them. There wasn't a reason to. I turned myself away and forced one foot in front of the other. I didn't want to concentrate on anything else, but I couldn't. My heart felt heavy and a single tear rolled down my eye. While in the back I heard crying...

_**I try to make you see my side  
Always trying to stay in line  
But your eyes see right through  
That's all they do**_

----------------------

I isolated myself after that day. Her eyes haunted me. The emotions on the surface terrified me to no ends. Foreign emotions that I had long thought cast off came back to the surface that day. Emotions that, no matter what I did, never went away. I holed myself in my room, locking the door and closing the blinds. Darkness surrounded me, darkness that I wish so desperately to steal my soul away so that I couldn't feel anymore. But it wouldn't. I nested myself beside my bed that day, unable to clear her eyes from my head. I hugged my knees close to myself, staying in that position until sleep took my mind away.

_**I'm getting buried in this place  
I got no room you're in my face  
don't say anything just go away**_

_**If you were dead or still alive  
I don't care, I don't care  
Just go and leave this all behind  
'Cause I swear (I swear), I don't care **_

The next day after the fighting I had someone from the Order take me to the ministry so I could get my apparition license. Then to a private hearing of Dumbledore's will at Gringotts. Originally it was supposed to have been with others but with a simple request that I wanted my part to be private and a small exchange of gold; I was shuffled into a private room to learn the last Professor Dumbledore had to give;

"_I, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, of sound mind and body, hereby bequeath my belongings. To Harry Potter, I give you the Sword of Gryffindor that resides in my former office. No doubt it will help you on your quest. I also leave you five hundred thousand galleons for seventeen years worth of birthday presents. Alas I had one final request, listen to the mutterings of an old fool one last time._

"_I am sorry Harry. For everything I have put you through. I realized too late that putting you at the Dursley's was a mistake and for that, you have my greatest sorrow for taking from you a childhood. I'm sorry for putting the weight of the world on your shoulders and taking so long to tell you. My wish was to give you a normal childhood, but I failed to see that regardless of what I did, you would inadvertently force the prophecy. But alas the damage was already done. I was forced to watch from afar as your friends distanced themselves from you and the pain in my heart grew terrible at what I had caused._

"_Now, as I write this, it is too late for me to right all wrongs. The curse is killing me Harry, and whether I die by the poison in my arm or by another's work, know that it is already too late for me. So in a sense, it was only time before I took the next great journey. I know that, after your fourth year, I should have taken you under my wing to teach you all I know, however I hope that, I was able to teach as much as I can. And, I will say it one last time Harry, I am sorry. For everything I have done and have caused."_

A burst of fire exploded in front of me at the end of Dumbledore's Will. A thrill burst from Fawkes beak as he descended on my shoulder, a single look into his eyes conveyed that he would take me to my destination as I automatically grabbed hold of his tail. Phoenix fire surrounded me and I vanished from Gringotts.

And arrived at the home where my parents lost their lives.

I choked when I saw it, pain creeping over me at the first place I was home to over 15 years ago. I forced my eyes away as I turned my body to the side. My eyes fell upon a beaten path to the side and it drew me like a moth to a flame. I felt as if I was in a trance as I walked down the path while Fawkes swayed gently on my shoulder. Somewhere deep within me, I knew that I was in no trouble. In the distance a church bell sounded off the noon sun as the trees around my rustled gently in the wind as if telling me that the path I walked was correct. As I passed the line of trees, my feet immediately turned to the left towards a small gate beside the church. The area was calm, slightly eerily so as I passed through the gate and abruptly stopped at what lay before me...

_James Charlus Potter_

_March 27, 1960 – October 31, 1981_

_Loving Father, Husband and Son._

_Forever a Marauder at Heart._

_Lily Amanda Potter_

_January 30, 1960 – October 31, 1981_

_Loving Mother, Wife and Daughter._

_Forever a Charms Mistress._

I wept freely then, as I fell to my knees before my parents grave. Untold years of sadness washed through me as Fawkes fluttered from my shoulder and onto the ground beside me. My body was wracked with shudders as I kneeled before my parents grave while my tears fell to the hard ground below. Moments later, a flutter of wings marked the arrival of Hedwig as she landed on my unoccupied side. I felt her amber orbs gaze at me with sympathy, her mere presence slightly comforting as I knelt on the cold ground. Hours past and the sun slowly dipped past the top of the trees, sending their shadows flying across the ground as my two companions stayed faithfully at my side. I gingerly got to my feet as I felt my blood rush into my legs. With one final look at my parents grave, I turned away and started walking back to my new home.

_**I'm not changing everything  
'Cause you won't be there for me  
I'm not changing everything  
Cause you won't be there for me**_

I studied as much as I could in the library in the old home. Somehow after years of neglect, the house was still sparkling new as if it refused to bow down to time itself. Whenever I wasn't studying, I was either exercising, practicing or developing new spells. It became my mantra as September grew closer and closer. When I had to go out, I did so under my new guise, whether it was to buy food, get new robes, buy school books or even just walk in a park if the day was nice and when thoughts didn't cloud my mind. It was... relaxing... but at the same time... hollow... as if I was missing something... I didn't want to think about it too much, it only guaranteed to lead me down a sad path.

-----------Flash Back-----------

_**If you were or dead or still alive  
I don't care, I don't care  
Just go and leave this all behind  
'Cause I swear (I swear) I don't care **_

A howl in the distance echoed off the tree tops as the full moon shone brightly against the starless night. The air around Godric's Hollow bristled as if it was offended as if protecting itself against a potential predator. Warning bells sounded off in my head as I woke abruptly. Alert and frantic for an unknown reason, all I knew was that something big was happening. And it was happening in a bad way. I instantly grabbed my wand at my bedside, at the same time unconsciously turning my bed wear into loose fitting robes.

"Fawkes!" I cried out. A flash of fire later and I disappeared from Godric's Hollow....

And arrived in the middle of a battlefield.

The smell of blood hung heavily in the air as I arrived at my destination. Candles floated serenely in the air despite illuminating the ravaged ground around me. In the small distance I spied a lopsided building that defied all laws of physics. '_The Burrow!_' I thought, _'They're attacking Bill and Fleur's wedding!'_

Cries and shouts echoed off various individuals as the sudden flash of flame ended, instantly I felt the numerous curses being hurled my way. Like during the fighting at Privet Drive, I felt the world slow down to a trickle as another dozen black cloaked figures fired another round of curses at me. Four Blasting curses, more than a half dozen Cutting Hexes, two Entail Expelling curses, a single Cruciatus curse and a various other curses that whispered of a painful death flew my way.

Like a long practiced motion, I waved my wand while I thought, '_Speculum Protego.' _The instant the light of the curses met the silver of my shield; they immediately reversed direction like a blood hound seeking its master. I was forced to break my shield however when the Cruciatus curse slipped past my shield as if it were air. I subtly moved to the side as the yellow light barely passed an inch away from me. Shrieks echoed off the distant trees as more than half the Death Eaters were struck by their own spells, many of whom, never to rise again.

A piercing cry struck the heavens causing me to drop to the ground while reflectively firing spells back at my opponents when I saw Hermione. I saw the long red-haired figure beside Hermione being blasted off her feet and sent spiraling away beyond the light of the candles while her opponent blasted past Hermione's shield with the blue light of a _Reducto_. I saw her wand fly from her fingers as she flew back and landed in a crumpled heap as her attacker advanced on her. She struggled to get up but only managed to prop herself on her elbows as her fear filled eyes stared at the Death Eater. I heard the dark clad figure chillingly whisper as he raised his wand. "Time for you to learn your place Mudblood!"

"HERMIONE!" I heard myself shout.

"_Avada Keda~"_

"_FLAMMA CARCER!"_

In a flash, I found myself in front of Hermione as if I apparated; I didn't even remember moving. My wand was already pointing at the shrivelling figure of the flame consumed Death Eater, their frantic eyes wide with fear and pain before being eaten by the fire. It was then that time decided to right itself when I turned to look at Hermione. Her brown eyes stared at me with an unknown emotion as I knelt beside her.

"Are you alright?" I asked frantically while my eyes stayed locked on hers. She merely nodded, never breaking eye contact with me. Then chilling laughter floated in the air, causing all others to stop all noise and movements as _he_ appeared.

"Harry, Harry, Harry... it has been a while. Oh yes, it has..."

_**  
If you were dead or still alive  
I don't care (I don't care), I don't care (I don't care)  
Just go and leave this all behind  
I don't care (I swear)  
I don't care  
At all...**_

----------------------

Laughter greeted my ears as I stood near the entrance to the magical station. Glancing about I noticed many of my year mates were about talking and laughing. My countenance never breaking under as I cooled my emotions, I walked casually onto the train and settled myself at a compartment at the back.

I stared disinterestedly at the people walking around on the platform. A year before I would have done anything to be part of what they were but no more. The _me_ of the past was but a shadow now. Forced to grow up quickly to survive.

Yawning, I glanced up at a brown Hedwig to see her eyes glaring at me reproachfully. I silently snuck a hand into my pocket to pull out an owl treat. I gave her a rub on her head as she hooted of gratitude when she swiftly nicked the treat from my hand as I turned to grab my trunk to change into the school uniform. The colouring charm I used on Hedwig left her in a very... _nippy_ mood, I had talked to her long about this, considering I was trying to stay under the radar and her pure white feathers would have worked against it. Only after three days of grovelling and a lot of bribes via owl treats did she finally relent, not before giving me a reproachful nip to my ear.

When I finished donning my school robes, I pulled out one of my texts on Arithmancy and settled myself down for a long read when the compartment door opened. A familiar redhead looked at me a little sheepishly before asking, "Uh... Hi, all the other compartments are full, can we sit here?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak as something within me buzzed in warning.

The redhead nodded in gratitude before moving in and putting his trunk's in the compartment when _she_ walked in. She stopped in the doorway staring at me; a look of confusion crossed her face as she scrutinized my features before snapping herself out of her daze with a shake to her head. Walking in she turned away to put away her trunk before turning back to me.

"Hi, I'm Hermione Granger. I've never seen you before, what's your name?"

Ignoring the thump in my heart, I swallowed the lump in my throat before flashing a small smile. "Hi, I'm James. James Orion Lians. Nice to meet you Miss Granger." I saw Hermione's eyes cloud over in uncertainty for a second as the mention of my faux name before replacing it with a smile. Luckily, I had earlier anticipated that I would be in need to change my voice and I was only beginning to be glad for my foresight.

"I'm Ron Weasley." The redhead said. I merely nodded before returning to read the book in my lap as the train started moving.

At this point Hermione let off a small yelp and stood up with a bit of a concerned look. "I'm going to the loo for a sec."

As she rushed out the door I focused my attention back on the task at hand. Moments passed until Ron said. "You seem too old to be a first year, what house are you in?"

Letting off a small sigh at the interruption, I responded, "I would rather wait till your friend gets back, I don't like repeating myself."

"Oh... up for a game of chess then?"

"No, not really."

"Why not?"

"I don't feel like it."

"Hermione's my girlfriend."

Rolling my eyes to be a bit dramatic, I replied, "So?"

"So don't think you got a chance with her, with me around."

"Wouldn't dream of it." I replied without a hint of care while keeping my composure neutral while I felt my heart hurt a little. I refocused my attention on my text when the compartment door opened and Hermione came back in with a worried look on her face while whispering. "... he's not here, but why isn't he here? He couldn't have gone off on his own could he?"

Raising an eyebrow, I asked, "Who are you talking about?"

With a startled glance, Hermione sat down on the seat beside Ron before responding, "Oh! Um... no one really, just an old friend..."

"I... see..." I said with a raised eyebrow before returning to my book as the train sped its way towards Hogwarts...

----------------------

A/N - Ya know, I actually had Dumbledore's will to be long winded, thank god I made it smaller.

A/N - Stay tuned for next time on... Alone and Resolve! God that sounded cheesey.

A/N - Cliffys suck, but they make you come back for more :)


	11. Morning, a Verbal Spar and Friend

Disclaimer: Pika pika, pika pikachuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. (I own nothinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!)

Thanks to Fiertonks for helping me beta!

Chapter – Morning, a verbal Spar and Friend

_**Hermione came back in with a worried look on her face while whispering. "... he's not here, but why isn't he here? He couldn't have gone off on his own could he?"**_

_**Raising an eyebrow, I asked, "Who are you talking about?"**_

_**With a startled glance, Hermione sat down on the seat beside Ron before responding, "Oh! Um... no one really, just an old friend..."**_

"_**I... see..." I said with a raised eyebrow before returning to my book as the train sped its way towards Hogwarts...**_

----------------------

Sharp sunlight danced across the eyes in the early morning sun. I opened my eyes slightly before I groaned in pain as the bright light burned my vision. Rolling over, I groggily blinked in a feeble attempt to clear my vision of spots before easing myself out my four-poster bed. The red and gold of the room flashing in the light as puffs of clouds floated serenly in the sky. A single large mirror reflected the room from within the walk in wardrobe to the side of the room. A flutter of wings I glanced casually around at the bachelor-like room as the memories of last night's conversation flowed back...

-----------Flash Back-----------

_I stood by the stone gargoyle that led to the Headmaster's office, silently wondering what I had already done to get myself in trouble. Sighing in resignation I whispered "Study and catnip." While some analytical part of my mind wondered what in blazes made McGonagall choose THAT of all things as a password._

_Knocking gently on the door, a muffled "Come in." came through the door. Taking a deep breath again, I opened the door to see McGonagall and Hermione waiting patiently for me._

"_Ah, Mr. Lians, let me introduce you to Hermione Granger, our Head Girl. She will be helping you get to your classes as you both have the same timetable. Not to mention your both Lion's." McGonagall said with a slight grin._

_I felt one eyebrow raise in question while I inwardly frowned but decided to hold off questioning until later. "Understandable, Headmistress," I replied diplomatically before turning to Hermione, capturing her brown eyes with my grey. "Thank you, Miss Granger, for agreeing to help me."_

"_It's not much of a problem." Came her reply while her eyes stared deeply into mine, I could see a question she longed to ask reflected in depths of her brown orbs._

_A small cough brought our attention back to Professor McGonagall as she said, "Miss Granger, can you wait by the gargoyle for a minute while I talk to Mr. Lians?"_

_When Hermione left I quickly silenced the room before asking, "Why do I need a tour guide when I already know my way around the castle?"_

"_Harry Potter would, however since James Lians is a new student to Hogwarts without any previous time spent here, it would be highly suspicious if he knew all the corridors and hidden passage ways around the school, wouldn't it?"_

_Feeling slightly embarrassed I responded "I... ah... I see. But does it have to be Hermione?!"_

"_Unfortunately for you Mr. Lians, Miss Granger is the only one taking the same courses as you are in your dorm. And if I might add, it was your decision on picking those courses when we last spoke, if I recall you said something along the lines of 'I never took those courses so, if I add them people wouldn't be able to piece together I'm... well me.' And do I have to tell you how hard it was to get everything done for you in time?! The time I spent pulling strings for you to _even_ get into school under your new alias without notifying certain authorities. Not to mention if this all blew up both your education and my career are on the line. Regardless of what happened over the summer. Be grateful I was even able to get you the Head Boy's suite for your usage and managed to reroute the entrance to a portrait in the Gryffindor Common Room. You should be grateful for everything I've done for your last year Harry."_

_My shoulders slumped forward in resignation as I simply nodded._

"_Now that I got that off my chest, your own room requires a password to use and I hope that your wish in wanting to be away from certain people would not entice you to use your private room for something else. As that has been all, Miss Granger can show you to your room. Good night."_

_I turned to leave and just as my hand touched the door knob, I felt the locket shift in my pocket. "Um professor?" I asked, turning around._

"_Yes, Mr. Lians?"_

"_Remember what we talked about before the end of school in June?"_

"_Of course."_

"_I found one of them."_

"_Oh? Where was it?" came a familiar voice._

_"Professor Dumbledore?!" I sputtered while looking around the room._

_"I'm up here Harry."_

_"Professor!" I shouted in_

"_Mundungus had it. I found it on him the day he died..." my voice trailed._

_Professor McGonagall's lips thinned at the mention of the former thief. "I see... well let us take care of this now shall we?"_

_I picked up the locket gingerly from my pocket before laying it on the Headmistress's desk while Professor McGonagall retrieved the Sword of Gryffindor from its mantle where Fawkes used to reside._

"_Harry, I think you should be the one to do it."_

_I blinked. "Uh... er... if you think so... professor" I took the Sword in my hands, marvelling inwardly at the feel of the handle in my hand while I swung it overhead before slashing down onto the locket and through the table. A blood curling scream erupted from beneath the desk as a dark greenish wraith rose from the shattered remains from within the rubble to hang suspended in mid-air before being torn apart by forces beyond the world._

_Silence hung thick in the air, until my voice returned_

----------------------

Sighing, I heaved myself out of bed, taking a quick look at the clock at the same time. 6:15. Letting out another sigh, I grab a pair of loose sweat pants and a black t-shirt thinking I could go out for a jog before the winter set in. Stepping out of door charmed to look like a portrait, I noticed a figure sitting in one of the couches in the Common Room looking intently into the fire. A sense of déjà vu swept through me for a second before I shook it away and casually (I hope) walked over to her.

"Good morning Miss Granger."

A startled yelp escaped her lips as she looked at me as if I was a ghost. She looked at me before closing her eyes tightly. At this point I realized that I hadn't yet morphed into my supposed 'look'. Cursing myself at my stupidity, I quickly changed my features before she opened her eyes.

"Is something wrong Miss Granger?"

Opening her eyes, a look of relief passed through her features as she stammered, "N-n-no nothing is wrong, you just reminded me of someone... what are you doing up so early?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I asked first."

Chuckling at the child like conversation. "How about this, we join me for a jog and I'll answer any questions you have for me."

I could almost see the wheels turning in her head as she mulled over my proposition before giving me a quick nod. Giving her a hand, she blushed before accepting and we both walked quietly out the portrait hole.

Long moments past as we trekked down the halls and stairs until; "So where are you from Mr. Lians?" Hermione asked as we descended the stairs to the second floor.

Thinking quickly I replied, "London, you?"

"So you're a muggleborn?" She inquired.

"Half blood actually. You didn't answer my question by the way." I replied with a slight grin.

"Oh, I live in Newham."

"Must be nice." I mused as we exited the Entrance Hall.

"It's quiet."

"That's good. What are your favourite classes?"

"Um... probably Arithmacy and Charms. You?"

"DADA, Charms and Arithmacy."

"Oh really? Why Arithmacy?"

"_Crap... me and my big mouth..."_ I thought as I slowed down a little. "You know, I'm not entirely sure why I like it so much. It's probably because I can create spells."

By now we had already looped around the Lake and were heading towards the Entrance Hall when we were waylaid.

"So I see the mudblood has found another playmate, what? Now that scarhead's gone, Weasel isn't good enough?" hissed Theodore Nott, a malicious glint in his eyes as he was flanked by Goyle, Crabbe and some younger Slytherin's as well.

"What do you want Nott?" Said Hermione, her voice laced with mistrust as her eyes narrowed. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck rising.

"Oh nothing... we just want you to play of course..." the glint returned tenfold as he whipped his wand towards me and yelled, "_FLIPPENDO_!"

_Crap..._

A cry rippled from me as the curse hit me on my chest. I felt the air rushing out of my lungs as I was hurled a dozen feet across the grass. Landing in a pile, I could hear the Slytherin's laughing as Hermione screamed. My eyes shot open at the sound of her scream and before I knew it, I found myself on my feet with my wand whipping up.

"_Verberos Ventus!" _

A great gust of wind picked up, smashing into the Slytherin's while leaving Hermione alone with nothing more than a light breeze. The Slytherin's as if held together by a single string were blasted off from their feet and thrown a couple meters back. My feet pounded the ground as I raced to where Hermione sat stunned.

Falling to one knee, I asked "Are you alright?" She was too stunned to speak apparently as she merely gazed at me with a look in her eyes, a look I couldn't comprehend, as she nodded. "Good, let us go get some breakfast shall we?"

"But... we need to change into our robes... and my wand..." Hermione apparently found her voice. Dang, I should have brought a camera _'Hermione Granger stunned silent! Once in a lifetime event!'_ Smiling in spite of myself, I picked up her errant wand a few feet away before I eased her to her feet.

"Well, let's get going to the Tower shall we?" I said as I put her wand in her hand, like leading a lost puppy I started to walk back to the castle with one hand on her back, steering her back to Gryffindor Tower.

When we entered the Portrait Hole, Hermione seemed to finally shake herself out of her shock by giving me a muttered "_Thanks." _before running up the steps to the Girls Dorm. Shaking my head and muttering to myself about not understanding woman, I entered my room for a shower and a change of clothes.

-----------Flash Back-----------

"_Harry, Harry, Harry... it has been a while. Oh yes, it has..."_

I stood up slowly while turning to face the speaker. "Hello... Tom... I see your dogs are as worthless as ever."

"Yes, they do seem to be a bit... lacking don't they Harry? Killed by a mere boy... I must ask Harry, how does it feel to end a person's life by your own wand? I should have seen it... in your first year, you ended the life of that pathetic excuse of a wizard named Qurriell, how did it feel, I must ask... how did it feel to feel him crumble _under your own bare hands?!" _he said, his voice full of undisguised pleasure.

"Where's ferret and the grease ball Tom? I have some unfinished business with them that I wish _dearly_ to attend to." I said trying to change the topic.

"Oh have no worries about them, because of you, they have become the most... interesting little rats to play with... So let me ask you again, how does it feel to steal the lives of others?! Let's see now... oh yes... Fenrir; burned to a crisp at the end of your wand! Crabbe Sr. died when you blasted a hole _through_ his chest! McNickel died when you _beheaded _him! Then on your birthday, Lucius died as well with the same curse you used on Fenrir! How about the dozen other deaths you caused when you sent their own spells back at them! What about the man you just slew as I came here? So I must ask Harry, how does it feel to take another's life?!"

"... Nothing."

"What did you say?"

"I felt nothing, they act on your orders to torture, rape and murder innocent people. Fenrir has an obsession with biting little kids from what I heard of him. Qurriell was your host when you attempted to steal the Philosopher Stone, a host that an _eleven_ year old stopped in your quest for immortality. Crabbe had numerous charges of murder against him before he bribed his way out of prison. Malfoy slew a man before my eyes, not to mention the number of times he bribed the Ministry for whatever effect. The man I just slew, as you so aptly called it, was about to kill my... a former friend..."

"Ah yes, your mudblood... you should really tell her how you feel Harry. It's not good to keep all that bottled up emotions you know."

"What would you know of it..._Tom, _you have no emotions. You're just a heartless snake in a fake body. Are you not Tom?"

"Do not call me by that fools name!" Voldemort's hissed; his red eyes narrowed as his slits for a nose flared in anger.

"Why shouldn't I Tom? It is your name, is it not? _Tom._" I quipped back while unconsciously moving in front of Hermione.

"Know your place boy! I have vastly more power and experience then you could ever have, I could with a thought end your life right now. I'll give you one last chance Harry, bow to me and swear your allegiance or join your parents and that fool of a headmaster in the afterlife. Join me to lead this feeble world into a new and glorious era! An era where you can lead as my right hand... "

"What world can you create from blood-drenched ground and ruined cities? Where people are oppressed and frightened by their vary _shadows?_ No, Tom. I will not join you. No... My place is between you and the people you seek to harm and destroy. People, you see as less than human."

"Such brave words Harry. Do you think you can stop me? Having seeing... what I've done... do you truly believe you can stop me Harry?"

"I've seen what you do _Tom_. And frankly, it _sickens_ me. Yet you've tried to end my life a grand total of four times already. And yet here I am, still alive and kicking. So yeah, I do believe I can stop you pathetic bastard of a love potion and a whore."

"What did you say you pathetic Half-Blood?! Bow to me, and I might make your death quick and painless." Voldemort snarled.

"Sixteen years ago, you were defeated by a mere baby when your own curse reflected back on you. Do you really believe you can beat me Tom? How about I _give _you one last chance, renounce your ways and become a standing citizen of society... maybe then you'll get the job of DADA at Hogwarts you so longed for. So... _bow_ Tom Marvolo Riddle, and renounce your old ways." I said mockingly as I goaded him even further.

"I will not bow to a pathetic creature like you! I am of the heir of the line descended from Salazar Slytherin himself! I will not bow to a pathetic half-blood like you!"

"You were."

"What did you say?!"

"You're not descended from the line of Slytherin then I am Snape's love child with Pettigrew. Remember that night in the graveyard? When you killed Cedric and created the homunculus for your soul? Do you remember the words said by Pettigrew? No? Let me refresh your memory then... '_Bone of the father, unknowingly given, you will renew your son. Flesh of the servant, willingly given, you will revive your master. Blood of the enemy, forcibly taken. You will resurrect your foe._' So the bone of your _muggle_ father, the flesh of a pathetic wizard, and the blood you stole from me. Blood from my Muggle-Born mother and pure-blood father. Neither of them had the blood of Slytherin and Pettigrew's a rat, so that says something about yourself already..."

"You dare... You DARE MOCK ME BOY?!"

"Not mock, the truth Tom... only the truth... the truth of what you truly are..."

"Your death will be painful and long..." he hissed venomously, his eyes flaring like beacons in a dark night." And after I finish tearing your very soul from your body... I WILL ENGRAVE THE IMAGE OF YOUR DEATH INTO THE BODY OF EVERYONE HERE! _AVADA KEDAVRA!_"

"_ANIMUS VINCLUM!"_

----------------------

I propped myself down on at Gryffindor Table, keeping in mind to stay away from where Hermione sat. I found myself not uneasy as students around me talked about their summer holiday. It was much better than the stares and whispers I got in my past. Grabbing a plate and a spoon full of eggs, I started on my breakfast when Professor Vector walked up to me.

"Ah, Mr. Lians I presume? Here is your timetable. As I'm already sure, the Headmistress as gone over the details of your first week at Hogwarts? Good, have a good day." '_What... the... heck just happened?'_ I thought to myself as the blonde teacher walked away. I hadn't even said a word during the whole one sided conversation and it lasted less than a minute!

I shook my head as I unconsciously shrugged my shoulders I finished off the rest of my breakfast and took one last gulp of water before heading out of the Great Hall when I heard my name being shouted.

"James, wait!" '_Huh... déjà vu's a mean little bugger isn't it,_' I thought to myself half-heartily as I turned around to see Hermione running to catch up.

"Don't you remember what Professor McGonagall said after dinner last night?" Her eyes glaring me holes into my face.

"Huh?" Was my only response.

"She said that you're my responsibility for the first week of school in getting to and from classes. So can you please not rush off without me?" I simply nodded and walked along side her.

"Thanks for before." She said after a moment of us walking together.

"For what?" I said a bit perplexed.

"For saving me from the Slytherin's."

"It's no big deal."

"It is to me."

Even more perplexed then I was before, I had to ask, "Why?"

"Because... Because... during the summ-... because I'm Head Girl, I'm not suppose get locked up by bullies, I'm suppose to set an example not be an example of what you shouldn't do." She stopped, and I turned to look at her.

"One of life's lessons I've learned, Miss Granger, is to lead by what you think you should be doing, not to lead by what others think you should be doing. People's opinions change daily, it doesn't matter what they think, as long as you know you're doing the right thing. Not doing what you think is right because other people think it is right."

"That is a very good lesson I must admit, Mr. Lians."

"Please, just call me James; calling me Mr. Lians makes me sound like I'm old or something."

"Only if you call me Hermione, instead of Miss Granger." She replied.

"Deal." I said with a smile.

"Deal." She said with her own smile.

---------Translations----------

_Verberos_ – Latin for To Lash

Animus Vinclum - Literally Soul Bind/Seal

-------------------

A/N – Had bit of a trouble writing this chapter, I was debating on whether I should have James/Harry call Hermione by her first name or her last name the whole time. But decided that since Harry is 'suppose' to be the new guy on the block, calling Hermione by her first name might seem rude of him.

A/N – For all you wondering where Ron is, he's around the corner with a bit of a surprise that's going to pop out.

A/N – If anyone is wondering why Harry didn't defend himself when the Snakes attack him, it will be explained in the next chapter or possibly the chapter after the next...


	12. Threats, Battle and a Betrayal

Disclaimer: I own ev- (Pika)... er... *gulp* Nothing .I own nothing! (chu)

Chapter 12 – Threats, Battle and a Betrayal

Thanks to PKFan and Krystal Lilly Potter for being excellent betas!

"_**Please, just call me James; calling me Mr. Lians makes me sound like I'm old or something."**_

"_**Only if you call me Hermione, instead of Miss Granger." She replied.**_

"_**Deal." I said with a smile.**_

"_**Deal." She said with her own smile.**_

-------------------

"Before everyone leaves. For homework I want all students who weren't able to successfully produce a corporeal Patronus to write a three-foot essay on the uses of the Patronus Charm, as well the importance of the emotions needed to cast it properly. Dismissed."

Sighing in relief as the torturous session ground to an end, I picked up my NEWT level Charms textbook and hastily shoved it in my bag as I stood up to leave. I silently chided myself at my feeble attempts to produce a Patronus, the only thing coming out of the end of my wand was wisps of smoke. '_I could do it before, but why couldn't I do it now?_' But I already knew why. Every time I tried to draw upon a happy memory, my mind went blank. It was like someone had erected a giant wall inside my head and all I could do was look through the looking-glass but not feel what it was to be happy. Even when I tried to draw the feelings of the freshly started friendship with Hermione as James, it came out as a blank.

"_Deal." She said with her own smile._

That moment hung clear in my head for days. I felt a semblance of my shattered heart starting to repair itself. It was like a glimmer for my heart. A glimmer that gave me hope that I could have a shadow of the former friendship we had. Of course, not everyone was as accommodating...

----------Flash Back---------

"Oi! Lians!"

"Yeah Weasley?" I said as I turned around, having decided to not bother with pleasantries since it seemed he wasn't trying to make an effort.

"I'm watching you Lians." His voice trying to be low and menacing while a tint of red shaded his ears.

"What do you mean Weasley?" I replied neutrally.

"If you try to make a move on my girl, I swear to Merlin that your You-Know-Who would seem like child's play compared to me."

I blinked my eyes a couple of times trying to process whether he was serious or not. When I realized he was, I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"What's so funny Lians? You think I'm funny? Huh? That what you think?" Ron roared over my laughter, his ears and face fully red.

Unable to talk coherently, I merely nodded as I continued to laugh doubled over at Ronald's stupidity.

"So you think I'm funny huh? Well let's see how funny you think this is!"

_Son of a...._

A loud bang erupted beside me, sending me flying down the corridor only stopping when my back slammed against the wall. I felt the air leave my body as I dropped to my hand and knees, stifling the cry of pain that threatened to escape my body. Laughter filled my ears as I struggled to look up. Ron's sneer was plastered on his face with a glint in his eyes that told me that he wasn't done yet as he walked toward me with his wand lazily aimed at me.

"James? What happ- Ron! What are you doing?!"

Turning my head to the left, I saw Hermione running down the corridor with her wand out. Her eyes flashing dangerously at Ron, who stood rooted to the spot. Wincing in pain, I lowered my head to start to mutter the healing spells that I learned on some of the more painful areas as Ron and Hermione blew into a heated argument above me. I barely caught any phrases of their argument as I focused my attention on relieving the pain rather than wanting to hear my former best friends argue.

A gentle hand touched my shoulder made me look up into Hermione's bright orbs, distinctly aware that Ron was nowhere in sight.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I think so." Giving Hermione disarming smile until a slight pain caused me to winch.

"Here, let me help you up and lets go to Madam Pomfrey." I felt my arm being tugged upward as I slowly climbed to my feet.

After a few moments of walking, Hermione broke the silence. "Sorry about that."

"Sorry about what?"

"You know what. About Ron and him attacking you."

"Hermione, it's technically not you who should be apologizing, it's the redhead. Course, me laughing at him didn't really help matters much."

"Why were you laughing at him?"

"He said that I would fear him more than Voldemort." At this point she stopped us and turned me to face her.

"You said his name..."

"So?"

"Why aren't you afraid of saying his name?"

'_Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! Me and my big mouth, I need some Spello-tape...'_ Deciding I might as well go a shade truthful I replied, "It's just a name; a name doesn't define the person, it's what they do. A name is just a name, its what's under that name that truly matters and being scared of a name only makes the fear pass along to the man. Take away the fear and it's only a person with a name."

"That's quite mature of you."

"I try." I replied as we stopped right outside the hospital wing.

"Do you want me to come in with you? Madam Pomfrey can be quite scary when she's fussing over a student." She asked, her eyes filled with a tint of regret. '_Regret for what though?_' I thought.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, you probably have more important things to do then to worry about me."

"It-it-it's alright. I just feel slightly responsible since you were hurt because of what my _boyfriend_," she spat out the word as if it was venomous, something I noted to ask her later about. "Did to you... huh... I feel slightly nostalgic coming in here sometimes..." the words hung loosely in their air as they left her mouth.

"Why is that?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"I once had a friend who had a bad habit of getting hurt and would often wind up in the hospital wing." She said this with a distant look in her eyes as she glanced out the window.

"Was this friend the same one those Slytherin's called Scarhead?"

"Yes... at least I hope so..."

"Hope so?" I said as I felt an eyebrow quirk.

"A lot of stuff happened last year. I'm sorry but I don't think I'm ready to talk to you about it yet. I'm not sure I would be able to talk about it for a while..." her eyes reflected the regret and sadness heard in her voice.

"That's alright, I'm sorry. It's not my place to pry."

"It's quite alright. You asked a question, and I answered."

"Well..." I muttered awkwardly, "I'll see you later in class then?"

"Oh... Ok. See you later in class then. Bye." she said as she turned to leave.

"Bye." I replied, my eyes following her as she walked away and turned at next corner. I closed my eyes softly and let out a breath I had been holding in before entering the Hospital Wing and my ever-so-welcome monthly check-up with Madam Pomfrey...

---------End Flashback/Flash Back 2.0----------

"_Avada Kedavra!"_

_"Animus Vinclum!"_

Like an echo of the past, the two jets of light struck in mid air. The green and the gold, merged together in a blinding ray. But rather then explode, the ray of light expanded into a golden dome that quickly grew in size. A golden light shone forth from the sphere as a bead of light connected our wands.

"So what now Tom?" I asked calmly, as if fighting Dark Lords and creating golden domes were common occasions in my life. "Are you willing to face me in another battle of wills?"

"Ahahahahaha, there is no need for that Harry. Oh no, none indeed." he replied, eerily calm about everything. As if he was planning for this moment. "Let me ask you this Harry. do you have another one?"

"Another what?" I asked perplexedly.

A sinister grin wormed its way across his face as his eyes took on a fanatical glow. His left arm lashed out as silver light burst from his concealed wand. The connection broken as I jerked desperately to the side; trying to avoid the spell. Despite my best effort, the silver light was still able to nick my shoulder. I stumbled to the ground before pivoting around to face my opponent once more as my hand tightened around my wand. Tom almost lovingly sheathed his own wand before transferring his second wand into his right hand. And despite the pain shooting through me from shoulder as I exhaled a pained breath, I was still distinctly aware of Hermione's location near me. '_I have to get away from her! I can't let her get hit by a stray curse!'_ I thought grimly.

"Tsk tsk tsk, Harry, I thought you would have done better. But no, apparently the _Chosen One_ is not all he seems to be. No?" Voldemort hissed as he erected an Anti-Apparation Ward.

I whipped my wand up as the words screamed in my head; '_Flamma Carcer!' _A prison of fire surrounded Voldemort for a mere moment before being extinguished as he countered, "_Umbra Incendio!_" The light around the fire seemingly being sapped by the hellish ball of black fire that left the earth scorched in its wake as it raced towards me.

_"Speculum Protego!" _I yelled desperately as my wand waved in front of me. The ball of black fire smashed past my silver shield as if it were paper before my startled eyes. The world around me slowed down to a trickle as a distant memory of Dumbledore's training came to mind...

_"Sir, why is it that, some spells can be cast non-verbally when others can't?" I asked as I sat in one of Dumbledore's squishy chairs._

"_Ah Harry, that is one of the trickiest things to learn in magic. For generations, Unspeakables in the Department of Mystery have researched this phenomenon. Is it because of the casters ability? Is it because we are not developed magically to do it yet? This is why Tom's followers do not silently cast the killing curse on their victims. Think of what a lone Death Eater can do while disillusioned and silently casting the killing curse in Diagon Alley? But they don't because they cannot. Often times they shout the incantations of the spell because they have to, not because they want to, magic won't allow them to do that. Even Tom himself, for all his boasting, cannot manipulate magic to silently cast the killing curse. _

"_We manipulate magic to do our bidding, but at the same time magic manipulates us do to its bidding. It is one of the greatest mysteries in using magic that cannot be explained. It is like using wandless magic. Most direct spells that involve affecting someone cannot be done. If I were to point my hand at you and shout _Stupefy, _it would not happen, yet if I were to stop a spell you sent at me with a _Protego_, a shield would be formed with a wave of my hand. Magic, does what magic wants to be done, if I were to presume."_

"_You make it sound as if magic is alive sir."_

"_Ah but it is, in a sense. We manipulate the magic within us and yet we are alive are we not? Is it really hard to believe that the magic within us can be alive as well?" Dumbledore said wisely._

"_Sir, you made mention of a class of dark magic called 'Dorchadas', what do I do when my opponent sends this type of spell against me?" _

_"As I have told you before, 'Dorchadas' spells are incanted by using the '_Umbra' _prefix. These spells are borderline necromantic which, Tom has already delved in, in using Inferi. Since they use netherworld powers, you must use the opposite power. In essence, if someone were to use black fire against you, then you must counter with white fire," he replied while the points of his fingers touched in front of him. "I cannot show you what to do, Harry- for 'shadow' spells require a ritual that involves the blood of a dozen innocents, something that Tom would surely have done. What I can teach you the incantation for the 'bright' spells. Now listen closely..."_

In my mind, the memory shone clearly as if it only happened an hour ago. My arm extended forward, my wand firmly in hand as I shouted at the ball of fire barrelling its way towards me.

"_Candentis Incendio!"_

White fire erupted from the tip of my wand slammed into the black ball of Voldemort's. Clouds of dust filled the air as an explosion rocked the clearing while the ground underneath split from the force. The dust barely settled when jets of spiralled at me from beyond the dust clouds. I threw myself away from Hermione, desperately trying to get her out of the crossfire. My wand moved on its accord as spells erupted from its tips.

The dust slowly settled as my opponent and I continued to exchange fire. I was constantly moving and weaving myself around the spells thrown at me. Some I blocked, some I reflected others dodged, but always firing spells back at my opponent. Some spells were thought, some whispered, others yelled. Never giving my opponent a chance to breathe.

Streams of colour danced across the clearing like an intricate light show, both contestants locked in a never-ending battle of flashes and explosions. The flashes of power displayed reflected in the clouds before being toss around as jets of power streaked across the sky. Trees shuddered as the ground underneath rumbled in agony as chunks of ground were blown away. The air itself grew static as power continued to be exchanged, the glow of past spells never dimming in the air.

Cuts lined my body as I rolled away from another jet of yellow light. My breath came in short pants as I reflexively let off another barrage of _Reducto's_, the words pounding in my head as I felt his attempts to invade mine. Pivoting on my right foot, I spun my wand in an intricate pattern as words of power tumbled from my lips. My eyes focused solely on my opponent as he was forced to spin to the side. His smouldering robes clung to him like a funeral drape as he dodged my spells. My wand snapped to attention before me as a golden ring formed around Voldemort's body. The ring enveloping his body as it shrunk...

Without warning, my spell was suddenly repelled. The backlash lifted me from the ground and sent me flying backwards. I landed painfully on my hand and knees as I felt the last of my magic reserves draining to keep me conscious. Coughing up blood, I feebly lifted my head as a trickle of blood flowed down the side of my mouth.

Deep and unsettling laughter echoed in the silent clearing as Voldemort watched me with blazing eyes. "I must say Harry; you put up quite a good fight. Managing to block out my attempts to enter your mind while still able to fight back? I must say I am deeply impressed. You could have been great if you joined me. Oh yes, great indeed as my most trust and powerful Lieutenant. But, it is too late for you now... _Avada Kedavra!"_

The green light of the killing curse erupted from the tip of his wand as someone shouted, "'Arry!"

A giant mass rushed in front of me before my startled eyes, a familiar mass that echoed of time spent in a hut by the Forbidden Forest drinking tea...

"HAGRID NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Before my eyes, Hagrid sacrificed his own life for mine; his body absorbed the light of death... The first friend I had ever had, died before my eyes.

A cackling laugh pierced through my numb mind as Voldemort spoke again. "Ahahahaha, what now Harry? Another death on your head. What will you do now that you don't have your half-breed pet? Hmm? Lets add that mudblood to the collection shall we? The collection of deaths you caused. _Avada~_"

"HERMIONE!" I screamed as a hidden and unknown power raced down into my left hand. In the span of milliseconds, the power gathered and _folded_ in on itself as it developed in my hand. My eyes turned pure white as blue lightning crackled at the corner of them. The air around me instantly grew more static as power rolled off me in waves. My hand shot forward and raw magic exploded form the palm of my hand as if it were lightning. It raced across the ground, zig-zagging along the way, before tearing itself through Voldemort's body. Chunks of flesh were ripped from his body as the Anti-Apparation Wards collapsed. The sound of fleeing Death Eaters were muted by the lightning racing from my palm. His voiced screamed into the minds of all who were still present before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"_THIS WILL NOT BE THE LAST YOU SEE OF ME!"_

My hand dropped to the ground, tired and sore from the magical strain. I swayed drunkenly on my right hand as I tried to stay awake. Shaking the cobwebs from my head, I crawled over to the body of my friend. Memories of time spent together rolled in my head as I stared into his unseeing eyes. Sobs wracked my body as tears rolled down my face. I threw my head back and let out a pitiful wail to the heavens. The cry echoed off the treetops as a gentle rain poured from the sky as if crying itself. Rain mixed with my tears dripped onto Hagrid's beard. Fawkes flashed into existence overhead, a sad song thrilling from his beak. Gently, he landed on my shoulder as I grabbed hold of Hagrid's shirt. And with a flash, we disappeared from the Burrow.

-------------------

I buried him that night, beside my parent's grave, beside the empty grave of Sirius's. This was the resting place for people who gave their life for me. Stone slabs marked their place in the ground as I whispered words of prayer before allowing Fawkes to heal me for the long sleep to come...

-------------------

Sighing in annoyance, I leaned back on my chair while rubbing my eyes with one hand as my other ran through my black/red shoulder length hair. A slight headache echoed in my head as I stared out the closed window of the late October evening. Warning bells kept going off in my mind, as if warning me something was happening today. But so far, all that has happened was my inability to master what lay before me. Taking a glance around the near empty library, I noticed the lack of the familiar bushy haired girl who was said to lurk in the library regardless of the time. Shrugging my shoulders at this weird anomaly, I took a glance down at the rune-covered parchment on the table before me.

For all my knowledge and efforts, I couldn't get the teleportation rune to work to the way I wanted. Every test trial left the insect I was experimenting on in pieces. It was suppose to be a simple teleportation rune that I could activate by a thought. No need to carry it on you, just leave it somewhere, think of activating it and being summoned to the rune. No floo powder to throw into a fire, no need to carry around useless trinkets to use as a portkey, no tugging near the naval, no unpleasant feelings that go along with apparating, and no disorientation and sound from said apparating or portkeying. Growling in frustration, I threw myself back into my work until a _sniffle_ jerked my head up.

"Hermione?" I said as I stood up in shock.

At the sound of my voice she threw herself at me, burying herself into my shoulder as my arms automatically wrapped around her. At first, my body stiffened at the contact before I forced myself to relax. "Hermione what's wrong?" Her only response was to dig deeper into my shoulder and cry harder as I slowly rubbed her back with my right hand while my left merely patted her on the head. I must admit, it felt awkward with her crying on my shoulder, but at the same time it felt... dare I say it, _natural_?

Taking a glance at the librarian, I saw her eyes narrow in annoyance at the disturbance to the silence. Nervous sweat broke down my back as I quietly waved my wand to banish all my belongings back to my room before leading Hermione into the hallway and away from Pince's radar. A sudden shudder ran through Hermione's body as she clung to me even more tightly. My eyes closed on their own admission as my arms tightened slightly around her, hoping to give her some small measure of relief. Somewhere deep within me, some long forgotten part recognized that she needed a shoulder to cry on, and partly, within that recess of emotions, I knew I wanted a bit of my humanity back, just to be there for her.

Minutes passed and her sobs grew shorter and shorter until we sat in silence. With her left arm wrapped around my neck and her right clutching my cloak as if to never let go, I merely held her, amazed at how she fit perfectly to my body as my arms hugged her close to me. "Did you know?" her voice waspy from all the crying.

"Know what?" I asked in turn.

"Lavender and Ron..."

"What about them?"

"They said everyone knew..."

I pushed her gently back a little so that we were looking at one another. My right hand uncoiled itself from her back to gently wipe away a tear escaping down her cheek. Her eyes told tales of pain and betrayal, something that even I, until not long ago, held. "What happened? What did Ron and Lavender do to make you cry?"

"I...I...I... after Charms, I went back to the common room to work on the Ancient Runes project for Professor Babbling." She let out a small sniff. "After a while, I asked where Ron was and Neville told me that he had last seen him going to the boys dormitory and I f-f-f-found him in bed with Lavender."

This brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes and I quickly hugged her close to me. "Shhhh, shhhh, it's alright. Everything is going to be alright."

"H-h-he laughed at me... -said that everyone knew, and I was too stupid to notice. What have I done? I lost Harry, and now Ron pushed me away. I don't know what to do anymore."

I stiffened at the sound of my name, _'Wait, wait, wait, she... lost... _me_? What did that mean? Wasn't she the one who pushed me away?'_

"I'm so lost," she continued. "After recieving his letter at the end of 5th year, and then Professor Dumbledore's death, I'm scared for Harry; I don't know where he is...I'm scared he's on his own trying to fight Voldemort!"

'_Something really doesn't seem right here... I thought she said I was too dangerous to be around... What's going on? I'll worry about that later; right now I need to be here for Hermione._' "Hermione..." I said, unsure of what to do, but deciding for the first time in months to follow my heart, "I'm sure, wherever Harry is, he's fine."

"But how do you know?!"

"Because, if he has such a caring witch worrying about him, then he would be an idiot to let himself be hurt. And I'm sure he cares about you as well."

"But he doesn't know! I was a horrible friend to him last year. We didn't talk for the whole year last year, not even when Dumbledore died! And.... and.... and now I'm scared he's on his own, trying to fight V-V-Voldemort!"

I hugged her close to me as I whispered, "I'm sure, wherever Harry is, he knows how you feel despite everything, and he still cares about you. And I doubt that he would want you to worry about him."

"But how do-"

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"

---------Translations----------

Candentis** - **shining/bright/clear

Umbra - Shadow

Dorchadas – (Celtic Gaelic) Darkness

-------------------

A/N – That was a pretty hard chapter to write, I had the words in mind but I couldn't make them coherent on paper.

A/N - This was probably my all time favourite chapter to write... until... possibly the EPIC DUEL IN THE END OF THE STORY! :O

A/N - Reviews are welcome in a contructive manner. i.e. telling me I suck doesn't actually tell me much in general. Give me examples of why I suck and chances are I'll improve


	13. Angers, A fight and a Date!

Disclaimer: Grahhh.... Chug chug..... SPLAT (I own nothing)

Thanks you Vamp for helping in beta-ing!

This is a chapter for all you annoying idiots who kept complaining I haven't kicked Ron's ass yet, I was planning to do it this chapter anyway so don't feel all giddy about making me do something I was gonna do anyway. Fair bit of warning for all you Ron lovers (If you are reading this story, and I have no clue why you still are) he will die at the end of the story, humiliated and totally defeated.

Chapter 13 – Angers turns into a fight that leads to a date!

_**I hugged her close to me as I whispered, "I'm sure, wherever Harry is; he knows how you feel despite everything, and he still cares about you. And I doubt that he would want you to worry about him."**_

"_**But how do~"**_

_**"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"**_

-------------------

"_WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?_"

As one, our heads snapped to the direction of the noise. Before my startled eyes stood a towering red blob that for a moment, I wondered if I had gone momentarily insane or blind. I blinked rapidly clear my vision of the red blot in my eyes until I realized that it was _real_ and not just a figment of my imagination. Ronald stood mere paces away, his face and ears so inflamed that almost perfectly matched both his red hair and wearing a red... _thing_. Even Merlin himself would be hard pressed to accurately explain what Ron wore without going blind... or mentally unstable.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing with _my_ girl Lians?!" He screamed as spit flew from his mouth in pelts.

"_Your_ girl? _YOUR GIRL?!_ When was I _your_ girl when you were shagging Lavender in your bed? When was I _your_ girl when you laughed at me? When was I _your _girl when you come here and expect everything to be alright when you were CHEATING ONE ME?" Hermione screamed, pushing away from her place beside my chest, her voice grew louder and louder with each passing second as her hands balled into fists. Subtly I twitched two of my fingers to cast a notice me not charm and a silencing charm around us.

"Why wouldn't you still be my girl? Now that Potter's gone, who would still go for you when _I'm_ the only one who would actually go out with you? You're a know-it-all for Merlin's sake! Who would date a bloody know-it-all?" Ron snarled before giving her a leer.

I felt my anger rising to the surface as Ron continued to leer at Hermione. I forced myself to suppress my anger as I felt Hermione silently shake in anger until she could take it no longer. "You bastard! You insensitive bastard! You worthless, ungrateful piece of trash. You two-faced, backstabbing, perverted idiot with a bloody inferiority complex! You're a failure and will always be a failure! You-"

"Why don't you just go and read a book you bookworm, that's all your ever good at. You're probably horrible in the bed too since all you do is stick your nose in books! Who the hell wants to shag you anyway? You're just a bloody mudblo-."

My anger boiled over as my arm lashed towards Ron and a wave of air slammed into him, lifting him off his feet and sending him hurling onto a wall, pinning him there as his feet dangled a meter off the ground. My anger was pouring off me in waves as my magic manipulated the air around Ron. "Apologise. NOW!" I hissed dangerously as my eyes flared with magic. Ron only let out a gurgle as the pressure around him forced him harder into the wall.

"James! Stop!"

"Why? This... this... this _thing_ insults you in front of me and you expect me to do nothing!?"

"James stop, let him down, you're... you're killing him!"

My eyes widen in shock as the words reach my ears, instinctively, my fingers twitched and Ron fell to the ground in a crumbled heap. With a snarl, he ran down the corridor as I leaned heavily against a wall. I closed my eyes tightly as the single thought kept rolling in my head '_I was going to kill Ron in anger...I _wanted_ to kill Ron..._'

A soft hand touched my chest and my eyes snapped open to gaze into a pair of chocolate orbs, all previous thoughts lost.

"Are you OK?" Hermione asked hesitantly.

A humourlessly smile appeared across my face as I said, "I should be asking you that instead." My eyes drifted down from her eyes to her lips before turning my head and stared down the corridor unfocused.

At the corner of my eye I noticed her face instantly fell. "Why?"

"What do you mean?" I said still staring down the hall, trying not to look at her so close to me.

"Why did you defend me? Ron's right you know, all I am is a bookworm and a know-it-all. I'm unless... I can't defend myself from a couple of Slytherins; I let you get hurt... Even Harry said I'm useless..." She said as tears pooled in her eyes.

I finally turned my face to look at her as my arms wrapped around her while I said, "Because I'm your friend."

"Wh-wh-what?" she stammered, her eyes widening in shock.

"My parents died when I was young. At an early age I was treated with hate and neglect. It wasn't until a couple years back that I understood what friendship was. I realized after awhile that, sometimes friends need to do more than stand by and let things happens. Come on, we have Defence to go to." I said releasing her from my hold and took her hand and led her down the corridors to the 2nd floor.

Before the doors to the DADA classroom, I unconsciously let go of Hermione's hand and wave of coldness washed over my whole body. Suppressing a shudder, I opened the door and stepped into the semi crowded room. Immediately I felt a wave of unease as I was compelled to look to my side. Ron was glaring at me with hate filled eyes as I walked past and took a seat at the front. The unease disturbed me greatly as I had similar feelings from most of the older Slytherins and some 7th year Ravenclaws. What worried me most is that I got the same feelings whenever I was near Nott, Goyle and Crabbe, whose fathers I knew for certain, were Death Eaters. '_But Ron couldn't be a Death Eater could he?_'

No sooner had those thoughts passed in my head when the classroom doors opened and an olden wizard strode in.

"Today we will be working on our spellwork. So in order to do that, we must practice our spellwork against each _other._" Professor Sorian wheezed. His dark grey goatee bristled as he said these words. Early on in the school year, he made it known that he was only teaching DADA because of a favour he owed to the Headmistress and she had come to collect. Regardless he wasn't that bad of a teacher, even if he was grudgingly teaching the subject. Rather than using intimidation like Snape and faux-Moody, or 'awe' of fame like Lockhart, Sorian taught us by example. It was like a quiet echo of a distant memory in all honesty. A memory of a time when a band of students came together to learn how to defend themselves...

"Hmmm, let me see... oh yes.... that would be quite entertaining.... So be it!" he muttered to himself. '_This guy must really be missing a few players short of a Quidditch team._' I thought humorously for probably the hundredth time I've heard him talk to himself as he continued, "Yes! Let our first match be between Mr. Weasley and Mr. Lians! Don't be shy come up now!" He exclaimed as he waved his wand and a large platform appeared at the front of the classroom.

Whispers broke out among the other houses as most of the Gryffindors shouted words of encouragement to Ron. Many of them knew that Ron had been in the DA and was one of the few who came along with me and the others to the Ministry and had fought Voldemort's Inner Circle and had lived to tell the tale. Although it was getting tiresome of him boosting about beating Voldemort's Inner Circle whenever one of the younger students asked him what happened.

I stood up and calmly walked towards the raised platform when Neville shouted, "You're gonna get your arse kicked Lians!" One of the most depressing changes I found in my 6th year was Neville's attitude. Long gone was the shy boy and the confident teenager shown in our 5th year. Now he was more like a Goyle following the Malfoy that was Ronald Weasley. I wasn't saying Neville was weak or stupid, oh no, far from that. But he was blindly following Ron without question, something I realized that I did as well in my early years at Hogwarts...

"Kick his arse Weasley! Show him whose boss!" shouted Zacharias Smith before turning to sneer at me.

I sniffed disdainfully as Ron strutted onto the platform, a sneer on his face. "Ready for some payback Lians? You're going to regret that little bit of magic you did in the library."

"Let me make this clear Weasley, you hurt Hermione again. And I. Will. Break. You." I said loudly, letting the words echo clearly across the stunned classroom.

The tips of Ron's ears flared red as a flush crept up his face. "You think you're so tough? So tough that you get blasted by _Slytherins_ and me."

A large 'oohh' erupted from most of the crowd as I calmly turned to look at Professor Sorian. "Professor, I have a request."

"Oh? The grey eyed one has questions for me... I wonder what he wants..." He muttered before raising his voice, "Yes Mr. Lians?"

"May I fight Neville Longbottom and Zacharias Smith in addition to Ronald Weasley?"

"Oh I see why not. Sure. Mr. Longbottom and Mr. Smith! Up and to the platform!"

"James what are you doing?!" Hermione shouted, no longer able to contain herself.

I merely gave her a small smile as Neville and Zacharias walked onto the stage.

"You really are thick aren't you Lians? You really expect to beat us, when we are capable of beating You-Know-Who's Inner Circle? That mudblood must have really screwed with your head Lians."

A feral growl escapes my lips at the insult when Professor Sorian shouted, "Now... no Unforgivables, but anything else is legal! Begin!" And a see-through wall of magic encased us in a duel. A lopsided duel I mused silently.

Instantly three wands sparked, sending waves of spells at me as I luridly waved my wand like a circus master's baton. The solid wall of my _Protego_ stopped the spells cold in their tracks and just as I let the shield down, my wand lashed out in a long arc in front of me as my _Veberos Ventus_ sent a solidified wave of teal air at spiralled towards my opponents. Two of my opponents had the insight to drop to the ground while the third merely put up a _Protego_. Before Smith's startled eyes, his shield shattered and my attack lifted him off his feet and flung him spinning into the magic wall encasing the platform.

Unfortunately for him, he crashed into the wall with a resounding _crack_ as his wand arm snapped and twisted itself as he fell back and promptly _landed_ on it, his cry of pain causing his other two teammates into high states of alert as they attacked me with renewed caution. I merely weaved my wand around like a baton as I made lucid displays of countering all they sent at me.

I was merely toying with them.

My wand became a blur as I slowly pressed forward in my attacks. Flashes of light from my wand slowly turned into explosions of colour as Neville and Ron were separated into different corners. Deciding to test one of my theories, I thrust my wand at Neville's direction as the words vibrated in my mind, '_Expelliarmus, Expelliarmus, Expelliarmus, Expelliarmus_'. Four beams of red light exploded from the tip of my wand within seconds of each other.

Neville's eyes widened in fright at the oncoming missiles and quickly erected the strongest shield he could. Not that it did much. The first jet of red light hammered into the shield causing the ground around it to crack as the second shattered past the shield like thin glass and struck him a second before the third and fourth red lights aided in the impact. The impacts twisted his arm out of recognition as it sent him sprawling into the ground, his squeals of pain echoing off the walls, muted by the constant barrages of light I threw at my last remaining opponent.

Ron's terrified eyes shown from the other side of the platform at my never ending stream of lights that I threw almost lazily. His eyes portrayed his thoughts; no longer did he think I was weak. In a desperate measure, he slashed his wand in a wave of movements, purple flame bursting forth like an avian predator from each slash.

The purple light of the Organ Crushing curse caused a distant memory in me to surface, a memory of watching helplessly as a friend fell to a mad man. Power surged through me as my wand movements became harsh and furious. With an underhand slash of my wand, I blasted apart the purple avians before subconsciously pouring more of my magic into my spells.

Anger fuelled my spells as they continued to explode from the tip of my wand. Angry at all the pain caused in my life, angry that the pain in my life spilled into other peoples' lives. Angry that Ron betrayed me once again, angry that he betrayed Hermione. Angry that I had to hide behind this mask. Angry that I was forced to use this mask.... angry at myself for nearly getting Hermione _killed again_....

The sound of missed spells as they struck the platform walls was like the drums of a marching band. _Thump, thump, thump, thump-thump-thump,_ the constant beating against the shield wall like a distant echo in my mind. '_I'm weak!_' I thought as my eyes glazed over as I was lost in the memory of watching Hermione falling to Dolohov's spell. '_I almost got her killed! Because of my weakness I almost lost Hermione! Because of me, I led her into a trap that almost got her killed..._ Shame flooded me as I realized the folly of my actions... shame and anguish at what I had done... what I had caused... My spells slowly faltered and my wand gradually dropped to my side, my eyes closed as the emotions washed through me unbarred...

Ron seized the chance by firing off a curse. A piercing scream ripped past my muddled mind causing my eyes to snap wide open. Great balls of purple fire filled my vision as the searing heat permeated the air. The hair on my arm and neck stood on end as the air within the platform grew thin and harsh, my wand immediately whipped upwards to emit a brown light that wrapped itself around the flames with a resounding _bang _as the purple flames were pulled violently away from me. The ball of brown and purple centered itself in the middle of the duelling arena as all eyes were drawn towards it. The ball slowly shrank in size at the same time slowly turning myriad of colours. When the colour of the ball changed into a blood red it immediately sped off and exploded into Ron's chest. He was hurled bodily backwards into the end of the platform as boils and welts erupted all over his body. The boils almost instantly burst as they formed only to form new boils as Ron moaned in agony.

Stunned silence hung thickly in the air as all three of my opponents were sent off to the Hospital Wing with a pair of helping hands. Ron merely glowered in anger at his defeat, his face a colour of red and yellow boils as he tried to glare daggers into my head as he was led out of the classroom while his two companions limped out of the room with an arm over a fellow classmate. Professor Sorian merely clapped in joy at the duel as he dismissed the class.

"Excellent Mr. Lians, purely excellent! 50 points to Gryffindor for winning against the odds, an excellent display of nonverbal casting and ability to develop new spell, oh yes!" he said excitedly at my display of power. "Oh, if you look at the time, class has ended! Class dismissed!"

As the rest of the class left the room, I noticed Hermione hanging back as I made my way to grab my bag. I felt the familiar pressure in my throat and chest burning as my hand reached for my bag. I attempt to stifle the feeling if for a moment longer but my body overcomes my will as deep pain filled coughs wrack my body. My right hand quickly covers my mouth as a coppery taste filled my mouth while my body hunched over in pain.

"James!"

Hurried footsteps announced the arrival of Hermione as another wave of coughs spasm through my body.

"Oh my god! Are you alright?! Can you walk?! We need to get you to Madam Pompfrey fast!" She almost babbled hysterically.

"No..." I whispered harshly as the coughs died down. Blood slowly dripped between my fingers onto the stone floor below as I removed my hand from my mouth to look at it. My hand was completely drenched in crimson as I stared dispassionately at it.

"What?! You were coughing blood for Merlin's sake! We really need to get you to the hospital wing!" she said as grabbed me by the arm and slowly made our way outside the classroom.

"No. There's no point, Madam Pomfrey already looked over me about this. My body's just healing." I said as I wiped my mouth with the back of my blood soaked hand as we walked down the corridor.

"Healing from what? What could possibly make you ill enough to cough blood?"

"Magical exhaustion...."

Her whole body tensed at this as she stopped walking. "What do you mean?" she asked softly, her voice dropping dramatically in volume but at the same time, rising in concern.

"I had a run in during the summer and I ended up using more magic then my body can handle." I replied as I leaned heavily against the nearest wall.

"Was it something to do with Voldemort's Death Eaters?" she asked as she moved closer to me.

"Something like that, I start coughing when I end up using too much magic when my body is still recovering."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

Wincing slightly, I merely shook my head before allowing her to lead me back to my room.

---------A Few Days Later----------

_You're too dangerous to hang around and we feel that it`s safer for everyone if you'd stay clear of us._

_From _

_Ron and Hermione._

The words mocked me as I reread the letter from that fateful night. My mind tumbling over what Hermione had said only days ago...

"_I'm so lost," she continued. "After recieving his letter at the end of 5th year, and then Professor Dumbledore's death, I'm scared for Harry; I don't know where he is...I'm scared he's on his own trying to fight Voldemort!"_

What did it all mean? Clearly, before me the letter showed proof that Hermione wanted nothing to do with me. Yet her actions spoke otherwise. What was this letter she mentions? A letter _I_ sent? Could this have been one giant elaborate ruse? But who could do such a thing? Who _would_ do such a thing?

But in my heart, I knew where the answer already lay. Ron.

"_Do you think it's true?"_

"_Probably, this is coming from him you know. If anyone would know better it would be Ron."_

"_Even so, do you think it's true that Harry's a menace? That he is too dangerous to be around?" the first voice questioned._

"_You tell me, look at everything that happened to him. Hell even Seamus is saying the same stuff. He's saying that the Prophet's articles are dead on. Harry's attention seeking and it's dangerous to be around him."_

"_But he's the boy-who-lived..."_

"_So? How do you think he got that way? Dark Magic Ron tells me. The only reason he's in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin is because he threatened to burn the..."_

It all came back to Ron. Yet, what am I to do? Confront him? I am James Orion Lians, transfer student to Hogwarts, not Harry James Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived. If I confront him, it'll blow my cover now that he's hanging out with the Death Nibblers, Voldemort would find out in minutes and seconds later he'll be at Hogwarts looking for me. No, I can't let that happen. I will not let that happen. Hogwarts means too much to me for that to happen. I will not willingly lure Voldemort to Hogwarts. It has been my home for six long years. It means too much to me to use it as a pawn in this decades-old chess game.

'_But what about Hermione? Should she know the truth?'_ my conscience whispered.

'_No_._'_ My mind whispered back. _'She cannot know. Even if it is what I truly desire now that I have an inkling of how far Ron betrayed me... she is better off not knowing.'_

'_Why? You don't hate her, she means too much to you even with everything happening last year.'_

'_What would I tell her? 'Oh hi Hermione, listen I'm not really James, it's me, Harry, I've been fooling you the whole time because I don't want Tom knocking on Hogwarts door.'_

'_Do you really think that? Even after you saw Ron and Hermione kissing, you never truly hated them. You were depressed that they were moving beyond you and into their own little world whereas you were angry at what the world has thrown at you. Fate truly never gave you a moment to breathe and you knew it. Fate even took away flying, the one thing that you felt tree on and you lost it._

"_Fate even threw a prophecy at you for Merlin's sake. It's not like you hadn't had enough crap going on in your life, now have a permanent death sentence hanging over your head. Yet we still go on. We struggle against fate itself and for what? A future. Like everyone else in the world, we strive for a future. No matter how bleak it looks, we are still trying to grab hold of it. I can't tell if we are optimistic or really pathetic and desperate."_

"_Yet this glimmer of light that you grasped onto has filled us both with what we lost at the end of our 5__th__ year. Hope. Hope that this illusion that we are holding on to can last forever, that you can be Hermione's friend, even if you have to talk through a mask to do it. And this small insignificant gleam of hope that you have grabbed with finger and thumb has made you hope that you could eventually be her significant other. Not because you could, but because you want to. But because you love her so much that you want to hold her in your arms whenever you see her, and you're scared that when Tom knows, he _will_ kill her. And you know he will, just to get to you."_

"_That's why I can't tell her. What if she tells someone else that I'm really Harry Potter and not James Lians?"_

"_To everyone else, you're James Orion Lians, not Harry James Potter. Do you really think she would tell anyone you're really Harry Potter?'_

'_No...'_

'_Then what's really holding you back?'_

'_I don't know... I'm scared...' I whispered._

'_Of what?' my conscience asked perplexed._

'_I'm scared that... even knowing what Ron has done, that he and some others has turned everyone against me. That in the end, Hermione would still reject me...'_

'_....'_

-------------------

Days past from my internal dialogue and I grew more comfortable in my guise as James Lians. Oddly and quite unnervingly, I often found myself under the gaze of more feminine population of Hogwarts, the look in their eyes as if asking to devour me whenever I was in range. Although something I was not unfamiliar with it when I was Harry Potter, it was still never less unsettling. So I did what I did best... I barricaded myself in the library whenever I got the chance. It was nice, something I was use too. Of course Hermione being there was a bonus, for me at least.

The fallout between Hermione and Ron was pretty bad. Actually, to be more accurate, it was like being stuck in a tsunami while wearing a giant clown outfit bouncing off the sides of buildings in a giant metropolis like a pinball machine. For Ron that is.

Contrary to what Ron said, not _everyone_ knew about the affair, only most of the 7th years and 6th years in Gryffindor Tower. Of course, when everyone found out though, let's just say Ron's infidelity to the most respected student in the school (excluding Slytherin's of course) _and_ Head Girl no less... Well... Let`s say that he`s been walking around with omni-present _Protego_ whenever he walks down the corridors... not that it mattered considering hexes were coming out of the woodwork. It was not uncommon to see Ron sprouting a rainbow hairstyle, clown shoes, an elephant nose and wearing bright lime green clothing reminiscent of what Lockhart use to wear running down the hallway towards the Hospital Wing between lessons.

It seemed most of the Houses were united against him. Eventually he was forced to start to hang out more with the Slytherin`s then in his own common room when our own house took revenge for Hermione in the Common Room. Only the Slytherin's were oddly receptive of letting him into their 'circles' as whenever he wasn't in class, he would be found near the more 'shady' Slytherin's. Slytherin's like Nott, Goyle and Crabbe who sent alarms ringing in me whenever they were near.

On the plus side however, the friendship between Hermione and I steadily grew past the former shadow of what it was when I was Harry. No longer did she have to nag me to do my homework, now we help each other whenever we were stuck on a problem. During classes we would have a friendly competition to outdo the other in whatever we were assigned, whether it was whoever could perform the spell first or answer the professor's question. When not in class we could be found in the library or in the common room studying or even just talking about random topics. Like an echo of our previous friendship, mornings would be spent waiting for each other to be ready before going down for breakfast, this time however, we wouldn't have to wait for an obnoxious redhead to wake up first. It was... nice to say the least, I didn't have to worry about Dark Lords and Death Munchers watching my every move, it was just me and Hermione, your above average, everyday teenagers studying for school and having fun.

---------The Day before Halloween----------

"Ah Mr. Lians done already?" squeaked Professor Flitwick.

"Yes Professor." I replied as I wrapped up the last of my Charms essay.

"Good, good, well come up and hand it in then!"

After I handed in my essay to the professor I merely sat in my seat waiting for class to end as my mind drifted. My eyes wandered lazily past my classmates as I looked around disinterested. Theodore Nott sat at the back of the classroom with Blaise Zabini whispering to each other, to their left sat Daphne Greengrass and Tracy Davis whispering to each other while taking small glances my way. Behind me Justin Finch-Fletchly and Hannah Abbot were quietly whispering to each other while trying to finish the five-foot long essay Professor Flitwick had us do since the beginning of class. The scratching of quills on parchment told me that my other half dozen classmates were still engrossed in their work as my eyes drifted to the brown haired girl beside me.

It was odd how much one person could change me. I was fully willing to be an emotionless outcast when I set off for my seventh year. Yet my time spent around Hermione has made me seen that emotions shouldn't be shut off, that bottling them up causes more bad then good. Time may cause people to change but history could still repeat itself regardless... is this all a phase that history will only repeat itself? For five years I found the meaning of friendship until that day when I lost it all. Is fate going to take everything from me once again? Or will fate finally let me keep this peace I have found in my heart? But what did this peace mean? Is it because, once again, Hermione has become my only friend? Even Luna, for all her awkwardness was only an acquaintance... too bad she went on a travel with her father in a Snorkack finding expedition. It was good for her I suppose, to get away from everything happening around here.

How long was this moment to last? Tomorrow is Halloween once again, would something happen that would force everything apart? What would I do-

"James!"

"You don't have to shout Hermione." I said wincing as I rubbed my ear rigorously in an attempt to ease the pain in my eardrums.

"Yes, well if you were paying attention to the first ten times I called your name then I wouldn't have to shout." She replied smiling slightly.

"What were you shouting about then?"

"Class is over; Professor Flitwick dismissed us almost five minutes ago."

"Oh..."

"Well come on! You promised me you would help me with Professor Vector's Arithmacy problem." Her smile was in full bloom now.

Smiling myself, I merely nodded as I waved my wand to vanish all my belongings to my room before walking out of the classroom with Hermione.

"Uh... James?" She asked after a while.

"Yea?"

"You know how tomorrow we have a Hogsmeade weekend, right?"

"Yea...." I said nervously.

"D-d-do you want to come with me to Hogsmeade? I-I-I'm not asking to go on a date or anything, b-b-but I think it'd be nice to go out once in a while. I mean not as a date or anything b-but as friends." She stammered nervously as a blush formed on her cheeks.

"Sure, I'd like to go to Hogsmeade with you." I said smiling.

Maybe, just maybe, Halloween wouldn't be such a bad day after all.

-------------------

A/N – Man I had such a major writer's block for this chapter for the longest time. It wasn't until I super edited my rough draft for chapter 12 that I could finally write what I wanted for this chapter.

A/N – Stay Tuned for next time on Lost Hope and Finding Love! Probably coming out in two weeks, since I have to start from near scratch.

A/N - If you guys are wondering why Harry/James didn't dodge all the spells during the duel, it will be explained in the next chapter


	14. News and Flutters of the Heart

Disclaimer: Bzzt Bzzzzzz bzzzzzzzzztitititititititit bzzzzzzzzzzzzraghhhhhhhhhhhh (I own nothing.)

Chapter 14 – News and Flutters of the Heart

Thanks to Vamp and FayeValentine001 for beta-ing!

"_**D-d-do you want to come with me to Hogsmeade? I-I-I'm not asking to go on a date or anything, b-b-but I think it'd be nice to go out once in a while. I mean not as a date or anything b-but as friends." She stammered nervously as a blush formed on her cheeks.**_

"_**Sure, I'd like to go to Hogsmeade with you." I said smiling.**_

_**Maybe, just maybe, Halloween wouldn't be such a bad day after all.**_

---------Halloween----------

"_Well done Ha-"_

_But the Death Eater Hermione had just struck dumb made a sudden slashing movement with his wand; what looked like purple flames passed right across Hermione's chest. But it changed from what I 'remember', instead of being surprised, her eyes immediately darkened as time slowed down to a trickle. It was like watching a pensive in slow motion, every inch she fell felt like an eternity. A soft _thud _announced the end of her decent as I stared helplessly into her lifeless eyes._

"_HERMIONE!"_

_Then the scene changed in a blur of grey, leaving me watching helplessly as the building walls melted away to show a dimly lit area filled with bodies and smoke. The Burrow..._

_A piercing cry struck the heavens causing me to drop to the ground while reflectively firing spells back at my opponents when I saw Hermione. I saw the figure beside her being blasted off their feet and sent spiralling away beyond the light of the candles while Hermione's opponent blasted past her shield with a _Reducto_. I saw her wand fly from her fingers as she flew back and landed in a crumpled heap as her attacker advanced on her. She struggled to get up but only managed to prop herself on her elbows as her fear filled eyes stared up at the Death Eater. I heard the dark clad figure chillingly whisper as he raised his wand. "Learn your place Mudblood!"_

"_STOP IT!" I screamed helplessly many feet away._

"Avada Kedavra_!__" A flash of green light erupted from the figure's wand and Hermione merely fell back as she absorbed the light, her head rolled to the side, showing her blank eyes and the scene melted into darkness. Hermione appeared first, her eyes filled with resentment and loathing when Voldemort appeared behind her, his wand pointed at the edge of her throat._

"_Why Harry? Why didn't you protect me? She said her voice full of contempt and hatred._

"_I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." I whispered as I fell to my knees, my face hidden behind my hands as tears poured down my face._

"_Wasn't it enough that I stayed with you every step of the way? Do I have to die for you too?" She continued her eyes defiant and accusing at the same time._

"_Well Harry? What will you do?" hissed Voldemort, as he lazily slid the tip of his wand across Hermione's neck, his red eyes gleaming like beacons in the darkness. "Can the power of the Chosen One save the one he loves? Or will he watch helplessly as I kill her? _AVADA KEDAVRA_!"_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

My eyes snapped open as my body lurched forward from the bed. A chill ran through me as I felt cold sweat run down my entire body and face, my breath coming in short gasps as I attempted to suck in a great deal of air never seeming to get enough while I tried to free myself from the tangled sheets. The early morning sun came pouring in through the window, illuminating the room with a soft glow that caused everything to be overly bright for my nightmare ridden eyes. I shook my head rigorously before wiping away the tears with the back of my hand.

A deep shuddering breath escaped my lips as I hid my face behind one hand as if to hide from unseen dangers. The nightmares were not an uncommon occurrence now, but they only reinforced my fears of becoming Harry Potter again. With a sigh I lifted myself from the bed and headed for a long warm shower.

"Mornin'" I said as I walked into the common room half an hour later and spotted Hermione sitting in front of the fireplace reading.

"Good morning, you seem tired." She said her face etched with concern as she closed her book and moved to stand up.

"Bad night." I replied wincing while holding out my hand to give her a lift up.

"Do you want to talk about it?" her small hand in mine.

"Not now, maybe later. Come on, I'm starving, let's go get some breakfast." I said as I guided her out the portrait hole.

"Is food all you boys think about?" Hermione remarked with a smile, her eyes twinkling as she glanced at me.

"One, I'm a man," I said while puffing out my chest ridiculously wide and flexing my arms as if on a muscle man contest. "and two, it is morning, give a guy a break."

A cascade of giggles erupted from Hermione as she rolled her eyes at me before pointing out, "Are you sure you're all man? By the looks of those two globs on your chest, you could almost be passable for a woman."

"Hermione!" I sputtered as my chest instantly deflated and my mouth hung open as I stared flabbergast at Hermione.

She in turn only exploded in laughter before running down the hall towards the Great Hall, a small playful growl burst in my throat as sprinted down the hall chasing her. Our laughter echoed across the sparsely populated morning halls until I caught up to her just before the entrance to the Great Hall.

Once we sat down at the Gryffindor table, a flutter of wings announced the arrival of as a brown screech owl dropped its charge in front of Hermione before flying off. Hermione scanned the paper with a frown on her face that quickly turned into rage before returning into a frown again as I piled my plate with eggs and some toast when Hermione handed the paper to me.

_**Boy-Who-Lived or Boy-Who-Fled?**_

_**By: Giles Barreling**_

_It's been two months since the Wizarding World has last seen its hero and everyone is wondering, 'Where is Harry Potter?'_

"_He ran away, he's a coward and we are better off without him." says former best friend Ronald Weasley. "He was always a menace, forcing us to go on dangerous adventures. One time I was nearly eaten by acromantulas in the Forbidden Forest because he wanted to look for some crazy thing or other!"_

"_He was always moaning in pain in his sleep during his fifth year. We (his dorm mates) always believed it was You-Know-Who showing him (Harry) Dark magic." Says dorm mate Seamus Finnigan. "He once said that he was looking through the eyes of You-Know-Who's snake."_

_Because of these dour comments mentioned by his former classmates, this reporter truly wonders whether Harry Potter, the Chosen One, is fighting for good, or attempting to take out his competitors for Dark Lord Supremacy. The last sightings of the Wizarding Hero were on July 31__st__ and lastly at the Weasley-Delacour Wedding. _

_On July 31__st__ a large band of Death Eaters attacked the home of one, Harry Potter. The fight ended at the death of one, Lucius Malfoy, suspected Death Eater in the first Wizarding War. Mr. Malfoy attempted to murder the Chosen One but in turn was struck down when the Chosen One fought back. _

_At the Weasley-Delacour Wedding, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named staged an attack with over four dozen Death Eaters. It is reported that the Chosen One flashed into the scene with help of a phoenix before engaging and defeating enmass more than half the Death Eaters before the Dark Lord himself showed up. In a startling display of power the Chosen One managed to force He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to flee before apparating away with the body of one half-giant, Rubeus Hagrid who died defending the Chosen One's life._

_However in the end, the British Wizarding World can only hope that Mr. Potter is fighting to end the madness and not spread it..._

_Full Details on Page 4 for Attack on the Boy-Who-Lived's home_

_Full Detail on Page 5 for the Battle at the Burrow_

_**Former Undersecretary Found Crucified!**_

_**By: Synthia Cambridge**_

_Former Undersecretary Dolores Jane Umbridge was found crucified on her bedroom wall in her Diagon flat last night when an anonymous tip alerted Aurors to the find. Details are not being disclosed by the MLE, however sources has uncovered that the former Undersecretary was found with the Dark Mark on her arm as well as numerous dark artifacts including numerous blood quills and a long list of bribes, extortion, tortures in detail that went past her days as former undersecretary._

_Analysis of the blood left in the blood quill has let up startling results as it has been confirmed that Harry Potter's blood was found to be one of the last people to use the quill and numerous times as well. Only two years ago was Delores Umbridge hired as Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor and soon after was appointed as High Inquisitor of Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, by former Minister Fudge. It was during this time that she (Umbridge) had any extended contact with the Boy-Who-Lived. We can only hope that the former Undersecretary's actions did not push the Chosen One to the dark side as we continue to be on the lookout for his whereabouts...._

'_I wonder who the bitch pissed off enough to crucify her of all things.' _I thought grimly as I folded the _Daily Prophet_ before handing it back to Hermione who merely frowned when she reread the title.

"She was a horrible woman, good riddance."

"Who was?" I asked feigning ignorance.

"Umbridge. She was our 5th year DADA Professor and was appointed High Inquisitor by Fudge midway through the first semester." She said before her face fell as tears started to cloud her eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I wrapped an arm around her in an effort to comfort her.

"I knew she was torturing students..." she sobbed. "I knew she was using that blood quill. But I didn't do anything to stop it. Harry asked me not to do anything. But I shouldn't have listened. I should have put a stop to it! I should have told a professor or something but I didn't! I'm a horrible person!"

"Hermione. HERMIONE! Look at me. Look at me!" I whispered firmly, "You are not a horrible person. Listen to me! You. Are. Not. A. Horrible. Person. You said it yourself, Umbridge was High Inquisitor appointed by Fudge himself. There wasn't much you could do without getting yourself expelled and at that point you wouldn't be able to help anyone. Do not blame yourself for things beyond your control."

"But I could have tried to stop it! I could have done more!" she stuttered.

"I'm sure Harry is grateful for all the help you gave him, plus, Murtlap's essence helps a lot in numbing pain."

Her eyes flashed in surprised as she whispered, "How did you kn-"

"Well, well, well if it isn't the two little mudbloods."

"What do you want Blaise?" I said neutrally while turning around, at the same time noticing the Malfoy-worthy sneer he was giving us while being flanked by Nott and the two trolls.

"Just wondering what you two little pieces of dirt are doing. I heard you running in the halls laughing as I came up and I was wondering if you two were shagging. But I shouldn't stay too long, it's bad hygiene staying around dirt so long." He smirked viciously.

"Really? I wouldn't know anything about bad hygiene considering I don't sleep around with my sister and cousins." I retorted.

"What did you just say?!" his eyes flashed angrily as his face reddened.

"I said you're an incestuous bastard who gets your rocks off watching your older sister get shagged by your father, uncles and cousins. How old is she now anyway? Twenty-three? And how many deformed little incest babies has she had?"

"You filthy mudblood! I should ki-" He sputtered until Nott and the trolls forcefully restrained him by pulling him back to the Slytherin table when Nott yelled, "You better watch yourself today Lians! You never know what might happen!"

Dismissing him even as I turned to look at a slack-jawed Hermione, I could not help but notice the confidence and promise hidden in his words. However my thoughts were rudely interrupted when Hermione finally got her voice back.

"JAMES!"

"Yeowch! No need to shout Hermione, I'm sitting right beside you." I said wincing as I shook my head to try and clear the throbbing.

"Where did you learn that type of language?" She sputtered.

"What do you mean? I'm pretty sure I was speaking the Queen's English." I said giving her an innocent lopsided smirk.

A twitch erupted on Hermione's left eye as she turned back to her breakfast and attacked with an animal ferocity. Gulping in fear, I nervously turn back to my own breakfast while keeping an eye on Mt. Hermione. A soft smile spread across my lips after awhile of watching her eat, the way her throat moved as she swallowed, the way her pinky on her left hand would wiggle when cutting her food, the way her nose would twitch slightly when she chewed her food.

"James..." she said innocently, all anger forgotten.

My eyes snapped to meet hers as a growing smile spread across her lips. A blush immediately formed on my face as I sputtered incomplete words. "Er... well... Um... you know how...."

"Is there something you see that you like?" her eyes mischievous as the words slipped out.

"Yes! I mean maybe! Er... I don't know." I stammered as I turned to stare down at my plate, wondering how far I shoved my foot in my mouth. Beside me, I felt Hermione move.

A gentle laugh filled my ears as I felt a hand touch my shoulder. Looking up, I noticed that a small smile had formed on Hermione's face when she spoke, "Come on you prat, let's get a good carriage for the trip."

"Yes ma'am." I said as I got up from the bench, together we exited the hall where we met the next hindrance of the day.

"Well, well if it isn't the whore and the drifter, are you two going to run off and find a rock to shag behind?" sneered Ron as Neville and Seamus flanked him, and to the side I saw Ginny almost plaster herself to Seamus's body.

"Hello Weasel, Bottom, Finnigan, Weaselette. I see you two have gotten out of the hospital wing. I hope you enjoyed your stay." I said sarcastically.

"What do you want Ronald." Hermione spoke from beside me.

"Nothing that concerns you bookworm, go off and read a book will ya?" mocked Ron before turning to me. "Watch yourself Lians; I'm going to get you back for what you did to me-"

"How scary," I interrupted dryly, "Are you going to stutter me to death like last time when you mentioned Voldemort?" At this point Ron gave off a slightly girlish scream as Seamus face blanched, Neville's eyes darted about as if expecting the self styled Dark Lord to pop out from behind a suit of armour. Only Ginny didn't react negatively, if anything her eyes narrowed as if challenging Tom to come out.

"Come on James; let's leave these gits to their own devices." Hermione said as Seamus and Ginny scowled at me. "we have a carriage to catch."

"Didn't I tell you to shut your mouth whor-" Ron snarled until he felt the pressure of my wand underneath his chin. No one had even seen me taken it out.

"Watch what you say Weasel. Remember what I told you before our duel yesterday. If you hurt Hermione one more time, I will break you. That is not a threat, it's a promise. There will be no teachers to stop me; there will be none of your little friends to help you. I will just kill you. Remember that." I whispered as I pocketed my wand.

Ron stumbled away from me as fear shone brightly in his eyes. The rest of his little gang seemed poised to fight, but in their eyes I saw, all of them were afraid.

"Come on Hermione," I said as I offered my arm, "Let's go to Hogsmeade."

"Let's do that shall we?" she replied in turn at the same time accepting my arm by interlocking her's with mine. Together, we pushed back the startled people and made our way towards the carriages near the Entrance Hall. My eyes drifted over the skeletal Thestrals as we entered one of carriages. Memories flooded me of a time when everything was much simpler. A time when a good man taught a class of not to be afraid of what you don't know, but rather, he let us experience it firsthand. Albeit sometimes, that firsthand experience wasn't always welcome, it wasn't the wrong way to learn how to handle the creatures of the magical world. Letters and numbers can only tell you so much, but to actually experience it? Now that made the difference.

Sitting to the opposite of Hermione, I let my mind drift slowly as I listened to the nearby cry of a nearby bird fill the still air as the reptilian horses pulled carriages along. "I wonder what kind of bird that is." I muttered to myself.

"It's a merlin."

"You mean THE Merlin?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No you git, the bird merlin. It only lives in the northern parts of North America, Europe and Asia. It's also called the pigeon hawk."

"Oh."

"James?"

"Yes Hermione?" I responded absently.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"If you agree that I have the right to not answer the question if I choose to." I replied, idly wondering why I said that. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Hermione nod her head slightly in acknowledgement.

"During the duel yesterday, why didn't you dodge?"

"What do you mean?" I replied solemly.

"I've seen you move out of the way of barrelling people without even looking. The way you moved earlier in the Entrance Hall. I know you can move faster, but you didn't why?"

My eyes flickered slightly at her before returning to the passing scenery. "I didn't know what type of spells they would use."

"What?"

"Some spells rebound off solid objects until it hits a living being or the spell fades. In a small area with walls that would rebound spells, I could not simply dodge them without fear of it bouncing off the walls behind me and hitting me. So I merely used a _Protego_ to absorb them and counterattacked. Can I ask you a question?"

"I see why not."

"During the train ride, I noticed you were looking for someone. Who were you looking for?"

A shadow crossed her face at this point and sadness tinted her eyes for a second before flashing away. But I saw it. "Y-You know how I mentioned before about my friend you don't know is he's Harry Potter." Her voice tinged with remorse.

"So you were looking for Harry Potter. I-I see." I said feigning shock and 'attempting' to stay level headed at the same time. "What happened?"

"Last year Ron received a letter from Harry saying that he we were too weak and that he didn't want us around anymore." She said with a faraway look on her face. "I remember finding him in a locked compartment at the end of the train last year during the ride to Hogwarts. Harry's never had an easy life. Every moment's been both publicized and demonized at the same time by the newspaper. If it's not in the newspaper people still find out and whisper behind his back about it. I don't believe Harry's ever been given a chance to breathe as he's been chartered off from one thing to the next. Even in his sleep, he looked so lost and tired. I remember managing to lay him down without waking him and putting his cloak over him and instantly his face relaxed. Looking back on it now, it doesn't seem like he wanted to be left alone... I remember seeing him during the odd times when he wasn't in class, he was usually by the tree near the Great Lake... he had this lost look in his eyes and he looked so sad..." her face fell now as the carriage came to a stop.

"I'm sorry for prying-" I started.

"No, it's alright, you asked a question and I answered." Hermione interrupted. "I-I needed to get it off my chest."

"O-oh alright. Do you want to go to the _Three Broomsticks_ first and find ourselves a quiet place to talk?" I said as we got out of the carriage and entered Hogsmeade.

"That would be nice." She replied giving me a small smile. Together we walked down crowded High Street in silence, both of us lost in our thoughts. Students milled up and down the street around us. Many of boys were looking through shop windows and while the girls talked amongst themselves about the latest witch trends. We passed by a newly opened _Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes_ where a large number of gatherers had appeared and was apparently watching a new brand of fireworks go off. I ignored them.

Skirting around a bunch of gaggling third years, we had only touched the doorknob when a bunch of fifth year Ravenclaws burst out of the door. Each of them laughing immensely to a joke known only to themselves. I merely shrugged as I caught Hermione's eye as we entered the tightly packed pub and quickly made our way to a newly empty seat near a window.

"Crowded isn't it?" I whispered over the noise as I motioned to Madam Rosemerta for two butterbeers.

"Yeah," She said with a little laugh, "It's usually like this."

"Hermione?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do you trust me?"

"What do you mean?"

"What made me so special that you can trust me so much? What makes you think that I won't go and blabber what you tell me to other people?" I enquired.

She looked at me with a soft smile before responding. "You remind me of someone. You bear a heavy burden on your shoulders but you're too proud to let others know. You know what you must do and it terrifies you and your afraid you can't do it. It hounds your every thought, but instead of running from it, you've embraced it. Yet at the same time, despite willing to go along with fate, you want to oppose it as well. You crave friendship but at the same time you're fearful of it as well. You want nothing more than to be normal and so you interact with others to the extent your comfortable with."

"Impressive, all that from knowing me for a month." I said.

"I didn't get it all from watching you; I can see it in your eyes. Eyes that remind me of a friend I use to know." She said, the smile still there but hollow as her eyes filled with untold anguish.

I felt my heart break slightly, a slight crack in the ice that has surrounded it for over a year as I listened to Hermione. Unfortunately I had to pull more of the anguish to know her side of what happened. "What happened last year?"

"Even I'm not entirely sure. I know that Harry disappeared from Gryffindor Tower shortly after last Halloween."

"Disappeared?" I asked before taking a sip of my butterbeer.

"Oh, he still went to class but I never saw him in the common room or during the Great Hall for food. Around the same time Ron confessed that he liked me more than as a friend. And because Harry wasn't there I was hoping that Ron could somehow fill the void that he left... fat batch of lies that was." The last she spat before taking a long chug of her mug. "For a while, whenever I'd see him in class he would look so lost and angry I noticed he had lost weight and that there were dark bags under his eyes like he hadn't slept for days. It seemed like everyone was against him at one time. I guess they still are if I think about it.

"During one of these times I remember seeing someone send a tripping hex at Harry as he walked past a flight of stairs." Tears slowly leaked from her eyes as her voice slowly cracked, "I remember watching him fall so slowly and I remember someone. Later someone told me that I was the one screaming... in any case Ron was holding me back for some reason and I struggled against it for a bit before managing to break free. And- And I remember stopping at the top of the stairs watching him lean against a wall after picking himself up. Even from the distance I could tell he was in so much pain. B-b-but I froze! I was scared of his reaction. I was scared of what he might say when he saw me. A-a-and all I did was watch as he limped away."

"I'm sorry Hermione," I stuttered, "You don't need to continue, I'm sorry for bringing up bad memories."

"N-n-no I-I-I want to get it off my chest." She sobbed before continuing. "That was the last I saw of Harry except for during class. And even then he would always arrive just on time for class and leave class right when it finished. I felt so alone during this time. Even with Ron I felt so alone. I couldn't explain it. It was as if I lost part of myself..."

I moved my chair beside hers and wrapped her in my arms as her tears started to slow more quickly. She in turn dug her face into my shoulder as her hands balled on my chest. "Didn't you try to catch him before he left? Or before he arrived?" I asked after awhile.

"I couldn't. I didn't know how." She lied. But I knew why she lied. She doesn't want to reveal to 'me' that I have an invisibility cloak. She couldn't risk summoning it without telling the whole school either during this time.

"When was the last time you saw him at school?"

"It was probably the day Professor Dumbledore died." She started, "Death Eaters were everywhere but Harry somehow managed to beat them all before collapsing in front of the doors of the Entrance Hall. I remember duelling one of the Death Eaters and at the corner of my eye I saw a dozen spells fly towards Harry but he sent them all flying back with a shield of some sort. I remember my opponent being sent flying by a stray spell when I heard a howl. It was Harry. He was on his hands and knees as he let out a long and sad wail. Something must have happened because power was radiating from him in waves."

"I suspect that having your mentor die in front of you, would do that to you." I said wisely.

"I guess..." she said as her sobs slowly quieted.

"I read in the newspaper that Harry was at the Weasel and some Delcor wedding or something." The last I asked cheekily, purposely mispronouncing Delacour.

"Weaseley-Delacour Wedding." She replied with a giggle despite the tearstains on her face before her face grew troubled again. "It was to bond Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour in a wizarding marriage bond. It was suppose to be a private event but the minister wanted it to be publicized so that people would think that their lives could go on despite V-Voldemort coming back and Dumbledore dying. Unfortunately V-Voldemort had other plans. He attacked with over four dozen Death Eaters we were told after the fighting. For me it seemed like there was more..."

"Wait... you were at the wedding?" I said feigning shock.

"Well I was dating Ron at the time and I knew Fleur personally from a couple years back so I one of the guests at the wedding. The ceremony itself was beautiful. Fleur looked stunning in her wedding dress, but that might have been because of her being part-Veela as most of the unattached men were drooling over her, including Ron. Anyway the wedding preceded as planned and it wasn't until we sat down for the dinner when everything when to hell. I remember one of the Aurors shouting that the Wards had gone down when curses started flying everywhere. I remember people fleeing and some were able to do that with the younger ones when the Anti-Apparation Wards came up. I quickly transfigured my dress into looser clothing so I could move around when a lone Death Eater attacked me. We duelled for what felt like forever before I was able to finally subdue him when a large burst of flame erupted from what use to be the middle of the wedding grounds and Harry appeared with a phoenix.

"Instantly over a dozen spells were sent at him from the Death Eaters and he simply waved his wand and all the spells were sent them back into the Death Eaters that cast them. However my attention was interrupted when I tried to help Ginny fight her Death Eater until she was sent flying from a curse. I remember being blasted off my feet and my wand slipped from my hand as I flew back from the _Reducto_ that blasted past my shield. I remember staring helplessly into the malicious eyes of the Death Eater just as he was about to kill me when I heard my name being shouted and Harry appeared in front of me. He shouted a curse I've never heard before and the Death Eater burst into flames. I remember him turning around and staring into my eyes and asking me something. And in that moment that I looked into his eyes, I felt complete. Just staring into his eyes, even for a second made me feel calm. Like there was nothing else in the world.

"Looking back on it, guess I realized I loved him. Not some brother/sister thing but truly in love with him and being away from him for over a year made me realize that he was really important in my life. A big part of my life... that he is still a part of me..." she finished sadly as I hugged her tighter.

'_She loves me... she truly loves me..._' I thought. Grabbing the lifeline I began, "Hermione?"

"Yes?" She whispered from beside me.

"I have something to tell you. I'm-"

Then the screams began.

-------------------

A/N – Well that's a small heart to heart for ya! Yup I know I excluded some things like having Hermione talk about Harry's Birthday Fighting but there's a specific reason for it.

A/N – More than 5k words in a week, not too shabby. Writing dialogue is really, really filling apparently.


	15. Dementors, Death Eaters and Draco

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Can I just put something in my profile that does this? Sheesh.

Thanks to FayeValentine001 for beta-ing!

Chapter 15 – Dementors, Death Eaters and Draco

'**She loves me... she truly loves me...**_**' I thought. Grabbing the lifeline I began, "Hermione?"**_

"_**Yes?" She whispered from beside me.**_

"_**I have something to tell you. I'm-"**_

_**Then the screams began.**_

---------Hogsmeade, Three Broomsticks----------

"What was that?" I asked, all previous thoughts forgotten as I let go of Hermione and snapped to my feet fully alert. My eyes darted about the tavern, passing by shocked customers and fearful classmates when another scream covered the fading ones, and then more and more joined those, soon people were shouting and running out the door when something at the edge of my eye caught my attention. The glass was freezing over.

_Dementors_.

"Hermione we got to go, now!" I whispered frantically.

She took one look at my eye before nodding in agreement. "Do you know what's going on?" She whispered as she rose.

"Dementors are here."

Her eyes widened in shock before resolve set in. "What are we going to do?"

"_We _aren't doing anything," I said as we rushed onto High Street. "You are going to get everyone out of here; I'm going to stop them." Nearby the _Weaseley Wizarding Wheezes_ shop exploded in debris as fireworks light up the sky in a vibrant display of colours, wooden shrapnel rocketed everywhere as many people around us dropped to the ground to escape the flying splinters. I wasn't so fortunate, a stray piece of wood ripped past me, cutting a long gash across my right cheek causing me to stumble and hit the ground.

"James! Are you alright?" Hermione asked quickly, her fingers tracing the gash lightly as she knelt on the ground beside me.

"Forget it, it's nothing." I said taking her hand and lifting her up. "You need to get everyone out of here, in case I can't stop the Dementors."

"_Stop them?_ You're joking about stopping possibly all the Dementors under Voldemort's control. Even Harry Potter couldn't destroy over two hundred Dementors with his Patronus. What makes yours so special?" She said incredulously, her breathe visible in the descending coldness as we started to sprint towards the carriages.

I merely smiled knowingly at her as we raced down the street. Around us students were still milling about aimlessly, however the difference now was the obvious panic and fear in the air as they shouted at each other.

"Hermione! You need to get everyone out of here!" I shouted over the rising noise.

"How, do you presume, I do that?"

"You're Head Girl, they will listen to you, tell them to do something and they will do it!"

"But what about yo-"

The scream of a nearby woman drew everyone's attention as her arm shook violently as she pointed at a descending cloud of darkness, its power magnified by the numbers....

"HERMIONE, GET EVERYONE OUT OF HERE NOW!" I shouted before racing towards the cloud of descending fear.

"James wait!" I heard her cry out but I was too far gone. I violently ripped my cloak off over my shoulder and at the same time apparated a few distances away, my metamorpmagus abilities fading away even before I threw the cloak away. Around me people were already starting to succumb to the effects of the Dementors as they knelt on the ground, some already curled into balls, their moans of despair filling the air with helplessness and fear. Dark thoughts threatened to cloud my mind as memories flashed in my mind:

_You're too dangerous to hang around and we feel that it`s safer for everyone if you'd stay clear of us... __Ron kissing Hermione in the middle of the room... Snape uttering the Killing curse that took Professor Dumbledore's life... _I felt my hope ebb slowly before I slammed my Occulemency shields to the fullest. Without fear, without anger, without elation, without emotion, I focused my mind on the ramblings of an old man in a time long forgotten.

Green eyes stared unblinkingly at the great mass coming towards the village, my eyes crackled in energy as I gathered my power, my pupils turned a bright blue as the air around me rippled in waves, my hair flying madly around as if caught in a hurricane. Slowly, I lifted both my arms to the Dementors, my left hand palm forward and in my right holding on tightly to my wand. Slowly I started chanting. White lines slowly poured from the tip of my wand only to form into Runes that circled my left hand, my chanting grew harsher with each passing syllable as words long forgotten came back to life for a mere moment before dying again.

Faintly a golden ring formed in the sky.

Like moths to a flame, the Dementors swarmed the golden ring, attacking it with claw and mouth. By now over a dozen runes spun around my hand like a whirlpool.

As I spat out the last two syllables of my chant, my left hand clenched into a fist, twisting and opening upwards so that my palm faced the heavens as the Runes shot from my palm and arced towards the golden ring. The second the runes touched the ring, they embedded themselves and began to glow an eerie green. As one, all the Dementors froze in their actions and an unholy wail filled my ears as the coldness in the air was slowly sucked into the ring. Around me, people were slowly waking from their nightmares as the air gradually grew warmer and the unholy screams increased in volume. Yet despite how warm the air got, the harsh wail of the Dementors sent shivers down everyone's spine.

Simultaneously all the Dementors burst into blue flame, the fire eating them slowly causing the cloaked nightmares shrill cries to reach an even higher pitch. The weakest of the Dementor's perished first as the ring grew brighter and brighter with each passing. Ash sprinkled from the heavens as if it were a snowy December night and as more and more of the creatures died a fiery death. As the last of the Dementor's faded away into ash, the ring slowly faded out of existence as weariness filled my body, causing me hunch down on the ground trying to catch my breath. Nearby I heard the whispers of shell shocked individuals whispered amongst themselves.

"Is that Harry Potter?"

"How did he destroy all those Dementors?"

"Keep away son, he's dangerous he is."

"Oh my god! It's Harry Potter!"

However the musing of the crowd was cut short when another explosion rocked the ground when a building at the back of the village burst into flames. A mushroom cloud rose up into the air from the flaming embers as people started screaming again, but this time shouts were mixed into the screams. Jets of light soared into the sky as a dozen black cloaked figures trampled their way through High Street from the back of the village blasting people left, right and center. Many of them, never to rise again, and I watched helplessly as a man was split open from neck to groin, his blood bursting from his body in a giant spray as he collapsed, coating the ground for many feet in front of him in a red hue. The woman beside him fared no better, her intestines spewing from an open wound on her stomach which quickly wrapped itself around her neck, slowly chocking her as the putrid redness shone dully in the afternoon light.

In front of the oncoming mob was a lumbering brute that towered over the fleeing crowds, mops of blonde hair swayed drunkenly as it took one lumbering step after another. Drool dripped down from an open mouth in slimy strings, muscles bulged from every angle, while sharp bones prodded from its back like jagged dorsal fins. One hand dragged behind it, a misshapen mixture of bones and flesh, its other clenched in a fist that barely reached its waist, smaller than its brother, but not puny either. Its skin was a pasty grey that was stretched tightly over its muscled body, and its only clothing was a pair of greying dress pants that clung tightly to its lower body, what once use to be a richly adorned cloak was nothing more than tattered piece of cloth that hung around from its neck. Small beady eyes, tinged with the red of madness, darted about almost frantically as it walked forward.

"POTTY!" The creature cried thickly, large globs of drool flying from its mouth as it raised its malformed hand into the air before sending it crashing into the ground, chunks of ground flew into the air as a crater formed underneath the massive fist. Its small eyes narrowing as it searched almost blindly around.

In spite of the impeding monster leading the mob of Death Eaters, some others had different ideas in mind, as they raced past the hulking figure, firing spells and screaming obscenities, my eyes caught sight of a brown haired figure duelling three Death Eaters by herself while trying to usher third years away at the same time. I saw her manage to blast away two of her opponents before the third sent her flying into a building with a flash of blue light, her attacker stalked closer to her before reaching up and removing his mask. Even from my distance I knew who it was.

_Dolohov_...

A sinister grin grew on his face as he spoke; in my mind the words were clear and deadly. "So... the little mudblood lives... maybe I could have some fun with you before..." he said with chilling laughter, his eyes wandered greedily over her body greedily as he started to tug on his robes. His movements stopped short when his eyes become aware of the wand that was in a death grip in Hermione's hand, with a growl he whipped his wand up but Hermione was faster.

There was a flash of light and then the sickening splatter of blood spraying the ground as soft flesh was pierced. Hermione fell to her knees as Dolohov followed suit. A hollow thud announced the end of the duel and a moment later as Dolohov's head fell from its perch, his eyes full of anger and shock at what happened. A moment later Dolohov's body joined its counterpart in a splatter of blood, the body spasming as blood continued to spray from the severed neck in rhythm with each spasm, coating the ground in an ever growing red pool.

However Hermione's relief was short lived when a stray _Reducto_ smashed into the top of the building behind her and chunks of falling debris came raining down.

'_Hermione! Spells aren't fast enough!'_ I thought frantically in despair, and then a sudden thought struck me. Twisting on the spot I vanished with a small, _pop,_ only to appear beside Hermione, her head turning to look at my sudden appearance, her eyes showed only surprise as they met my own as I wrapped her in my arms-

Chunks of splintered wood crashed into the ground, clouds of dust rising in the air as wooden shrapnel flew in all directions, bodies dropped to the ground in bloody heaps of mangled flesh while others cried out in pain as they became human pincushions. Pools of blood oozed out from beneath the rubble, a single severed hand twitched irregularly as if calling for its owner a few feet away, the bodies of two figures became nothing more than a pool of human remains as they were crushed by the weight of the fallen building. Huddled in death by the one who defeated them, the two cloaked figures became nothing more than a growing stain of blood and human tissue.

Dozens of feet away from the disaster we reappeared with another faint, _pop. _My breath caught in my throat as I stared into Hermione's eyes. Joy and pain filled my heart at the same time from the proximity of her in my arms and despite the near death experience, I felt safe with her in my arms. My chest burned with passion as my heart pounded its release, my eyes traveled down her face, past her perfectly shaped nose and onto her full pink lips. Pain exploded in my chest as logic set in, I knew deep down, this was probably the only time I could actually hold her as Harry Potter and not James Lians; it hurt so much being so close and not being able to do anything... I wanted to do nothing more and cry out... Cry and let my soul empty itself of all the pain I was feeling...

Before I knew it, I was already whispering, "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

"H-H-Harry?" she whispered before her eyes traveled down my face, to the gash on my cheek, her eyes widen in recognition and realization. "Jam-"

"Well, well, well... if it isn't the half-blood and the mudblood all cuddled up..."

"Rudolphus..." I snarled as I let go of Hermione, all previous thoughts gone as I gripped my wand discreetly behind my back. "Where's your whore of a wife Ruddy? I have some unfinished business with her that I really have to take care of... but I guess she couldn't get time off pleasing that half blood master of yours can she? Oh wait, he has nothing to pleasure with, so I guess all she's doing is rubbing herself against that fake body of his. It's probably still more pleasing then what you can ever give anyone." I said scathingly, his eyes narrowing further and further with each passing second.

His teeth barred in rage at the insult, his wand whipped upwards to emit a flare of light, but I was faster. The silver light of his _Diffindo_ rebounded off the blue hue of my _Speculum Protego._ In a flash, his own spell struck his mid section and a large bleeding wound appeared as he clutched tightly at his own spewing intestines.

His eyes enlarged in fury as his life slowly dribbled from his body, his voice was a coarse whisper and filled with pain as he tried to speak, "You... might have... killed me Potter... but watch out... your... enemies are everywhere... and... I will be.... revenged! DRACO!" The last he screamed before succumbing to his wounds.

'_Draco? He doesn't mean... oh no... What are they doing to people?'_ I thought weakly as the massive creature turned its shaggy blonde head at us, the first thing it noticed was Hermione by screaming "_Hermy_" over and over again like some weird echo of what Gawp use to do as it lumbered over to us. That was until it saw the black haired green-eyed man standing beside her.

"Potty! Draco crush Potty!" It screamed like a caveman out of those cartoons Dudley use to watch on the telly. In large shambling steps it rushed at us with its misshapen hand raised in the air, its beady eyes narrowing in glee at the bloodshed it expected to commit.

Just as the creature reached us and his fist began its journey back to earth, I wrapped myself around Hermione again and disapparated a moment before Draco's massive fist crushed the ground where we were a mere moment ago.

"Stay behind and stay hidden. I'll stop Draco." I said as we appeared half a dozen feet away from our previous location.

"Harry wait!" she cried but I was already gone.

Appearing a dozen feet away from where we were, my wand whipped upwards to emit a spiral of colours as waves of _Diffindo's_ slammed into the Draco monster causing faint cuts to cover much of its chest, however the beast merely shrugged it off as if it were walking in a breeze as it trudged towards me when a flash of yellow light erupted from around its midsection. Frantically I rolled to the side while at the same time my eyes zooming in to see the ash wood wand that was clutched tightly within the smaller of its massive fists.

'_Great, not only do I have to fight ogre Draco with inhuman strength and Giant like resistance to spells, he can also fire spells without saying them. I hope whoever did this to him didn't give him fire breathing abilities, a second brain in at the base of its spine, instant regeneration and-'_

My musings were cut short when Draco used his monstrously long arm to take a swipe at me which I narrowly dodged by dropping to the ground, his hand passing within an inch of the top of my head. Aiming my wand from my position on the ground, I sent a stinging hex into his left eye, a roar of pain echoed off the building tops as Draco stumbled back, his deformed hand coming up to cover half his face as he crashed into a building. I took the opening by firing off half a dozen _Reducto_'s like I did with the _Expelliarmus_'s that I had sent at Neville yesterday. A single long line of _Reducto_'s exploded from the tip of my wand and raced into the swirling cloud of dust from the crumpled building. Explosions rocked the earth as my spells found their target, however to my amazement; Draco shambled to his feet as if nothing had happened, its small eyes merely narrowed in anger as it began its journey forward once again.

A continuous wave of yellow lights forced me to dodge repeatedly until a stray _Reducto_ caused the ground near me to explode in a shower of dirt and rocks; cuts lined my body as my shirt was torn to shreds from the explosion. I raised my arm in an attempt to shield my eyes from the flying dirt and in that moment of defence, Draco sent me flying back into a nearby building with the back of his giant hand. I felt numerous bones in my body crack as blood pooled in my mouth. I glanced weakly at the Draco-monster as a line of blood rolled down the left side of my face before collapsing to my knees as my blood splattered the ground in a splash of redness, deep pain filled coughs wracked my body as my magical exhaustion caught up with me.

Already, I could feel the last of my energy trickling away, having used up most of my supply in destroying the Dementors, my body screamed in agony as I lifted myself unsteadily to one knee. I watched the Draco-monster let out an ungodly roar, its cry filled with pain and madness, before grabbing a fallen beam of wood and hurling it at me at break neck speed like a javelin. My thoughts were hazy, and my mind sluggish as I feebly lifted my wand to point at the incoming missile, my eyes narrowed as the world around me became foggy and dark; my arm slowly wavered in the air. I gathered what remained of my strength before firing off what remained of my energy into _Depulso_ at the beam of wood. The second my spell struck the oncoming projectile, the momentum instantly reversed itself, rocketing it back towards its thrower like an overeager puppy would to its master.

My opponent merely gazed dumbly at the returning gift as it slowly trudged forward with a long string of drool hanging from its mouth, the wooden beam pierced the shoulder of Draco's wand arm in a shower of blood and bones as it caused him to roar in agony. Large drops of blood splattered the ground as it dripped off the end of the splintered beam of wood as it hung a good few feet through Draco's shoulder. In its madness and agony, my opponent rushed recklessly forward, a roar of anger issuing from its mouth with each step as it whipped its large arm like a swing in front of it.

"POTTY!" It cried as I collapsed to the ground. I watched dispassionately with the last of my strength as the creature came closer and closer. The sun slowly crested under the horizon, its final rays of light burning brighter and brighter, lighting the sky in a mixture of orange and purple. '_Have we been fighting for that long?_' I wondered idly, but it didn't matter. A slight breeze caressed my face as my eyes never wavered in what I expected to be my death, I swore to myself that I will not face death with a bowed head. And I will not break that oath now.

A figure appeared before me, almost as if it were an angel. With her back turned to me, I had no clear view of her face as light shone around her as if she had descended from the heavens itself. Hair the colour of the lightest shade of brown shone almost red-like in the failing sun, Her cloak fluttered about her as if in a gentle breeze, as if it were a humming bird floating around a nectar-filled flower. A wand was gripped firmly in her fist as she faced the oncoming monster, the air about her crackled with energy as she raised her wand and her hair fluttered about wildly as if caught in a tempest. Flashes of explosions erupted from the tip of her wand, sending waves of teal light slamming into Draco.

Roars of agony echoed off the rooftops as the monster stumbled back from the complex spells that crashed into it, deep craters formed underfoot as it stumbled back heavily, its heavy arm creating large gorges the ground as it swung back and forth. The creature righted itself for a moment before a single teal arrow pierced its eye causing all movement to stop, it merely looked on in shock as its brain took a moment to comprehend what had happened when its whole body began to glow a bright yellow. Light slowly peeled from beneath the skin as a loud shrill filled my ears as light burst from Draco's mouth and eyes, its head thrown back from the force. Its body began to shake violently when I realized what was about to come.

My legs felt like lead weights as I scrambled to my feet and wrapped myself in front of Hermione's body just as the creature's magical core imploded in a flash of light and gore, magical energy ripped into my body, tearing my back to shreds, as we were thrown a dozen feet away. I felt my arms uncoil from around Hermione's body in mid air before landing heavily on my side. My vision clouded slowly as I felt my breath slowly pan out. Pain surged through me in waves as bones cracked and blood dripped down my back.

"Harry!" I heard her scream as I was pushed onto my back, above me, through the darkness that was slowly clouding my eyes; I saw tears dropping from her eyes onto my cheek.

"Hermione..." I whispered through the haze.

"Hang on! Please Harry!" I heard her cry out. "Don't leave me... don't leave me again.... please...." she sobbed.

"Hermione... " I said through mouthfuls of blood, or maybe I only tried to say it, I wasn't sure. "I... love... yo-"

Then a wave darkness took my vision away, and everything became nothing more than whispers...

-------------------

A/N – Before anyone asks why Hermione was able to defeat the Draco-Monster and Harry couldn't. Simple, Harry took most of his energy destroying all of the Dementors

Q: But what did Hermione use that could kill Draco when Harry couldn't? (Said in a mentally challenged voice)

A: Hermione has more complex spells at her disposal. Harry's spells, although complex, are not as near complex as some of Hermione's (mainly because she is overall smarter than Harry :P)

Q: Why is Draco a monster?

A: You'll find out later

Q: You made Hermione seem like a weakling in previous chapters. But she defeated three DE's and Draco-monster in this chapter. What's with that?

A: Yes, in hindsight, I did make Hermione seem weak in previous chapters. But at the same time, I was only focusing in on Harry's point of view and what Hermione did, was unfortunately in the background. Last chapter I mentioned she could hold her own against the Death Eaters so I was trying to bring out her 'strength' in this chapter to compensate.

A/N – You know, I was never shooting for roughly 4k words in this chapter... go figure. *shrug*


	16. Tears Snippet

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Can I just put something in my profile that does this? Sheesh. Cue Intro!

Hey everyone, sorry about not posting for a couple of months, exams then summer school and girls and then summer school exams took a toll on me, but heres a snippet of what i'll be releasing in the next week or so, so enjoy!

*random pictures and an upbeat song comes on*

Chapter 16 - Tears

"_**Harry!" I heard her scream as I was pushed onto my back, above me, through the darkness that was slowly clouding my eyes; I saw tears dropping from her eyes onto my cheek.**_

"_**Hermione..." I whispered through the haze.**_

"_**Hang on! Please Harry!" I heard her cry out. "Don't leave me... don't leave me again.... please...." she sobbed.**_

"_**Hermione... " I said through mouthfuls of blood, or maybe I only tried to say it, I wasn't sure. "I... love... yo-"**_

_**Then a wave of darkness took my vision away, and everything became nothing more than whispers...**_

---------????----------

"_.... Help! I need help over here..."_

"_... By the glaciers! What happened..."_

"_...Hand me a Blood replenish-..."_

"_... need to bring him to -...."_

"_... Don't leave me Harry, please don't leave me..."_

"_... We're losing him! We have to stabilize him now!"_

"_... -otter! Get him a private room now!"_

"_... –ry ma'am but you can come with...'_

"_..NO! I want to be with Harry!"_

"_... Ma'am I said 'GET OUT!"_

"_... By Merlin's beard..."_

"_... Magical exhaustion, numerous broken bones, a fractured skull..."_

"_... -aler Norton we have to stop the internal ble-..."_

"_... By Morgana's tits! Watch out!"_

"_... Stabilize his core! His energy's leaking out!"_

"_... We're about to lose him! We have to create a mat-..."_

---------Hogwarts, ????----------

Silence filled my ears as awareness slowly took over my mind, my eyes blinked lazily into a world of colour and light as I gazed at the familiar ceiling before surveying the room as I lay in bed. The afternoon sun shone brightly through the window beside my bed, lighting the room in a glow of red and gold light as it reflected off the curtains and various other Gryffindor colours in my room. A glance outside showed a world of Autumn trees, their branches swaying to a breeze as loose leaves fluttered in the wind in the poetic dance of red, yellows and oranges.

Maneuvering myself to lean against the back of the bed I contented myself to stare out the window at the swirling colours while I wondered about what my opinions were now. Running a hand across the new scar on my face, I turned my sights away from the happenings outside to the palm of my hand when I noticed wetness on the tips of my fingers. A blood soaked hand greeted my eyes and I reflexively clenched it into a fist as my breathing quickened. As quickly as it appeared, all the blood disappeared, like it was never there. For what seemed like eternity my eyes never turned away from my fist as I waited for my breathing to slow down.

"I see you're awake..."

-------------------

A/N - Thats it for now! Be back within a week and i'll show you were i took this chapter!

A/N - And yes, you can bring the pitchforks and the many other things to tear me apart with.

A/N - Also in the next couple of chapters, i'm going to probably release snippets of what i might write next and at the end of those 3-4 chapters i'll explain where i might be going and where i got the idea from. Then you can vote on what i would be writing. And yes for those people who go "ZOMG JOO SUX 4TZ WR1T1N 1N 1ST PERSONZ" its going to be in third person. And no you did not change my views on writing i wrote those simltaneous to this but this got priority due to some retardation on my part. Enjoy!:)

A/N - I should probably have a huge cutscene intro at the beginning of every chapter for poo poo and giggles... nvm screw that idea. Too much work XD


	17. Tears, a Kiss and Convergence

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Can I just put something in my profile that does this? Sheesh. Cue Intro!

Here it is Boys and Girls, the Full chapter 16! Enjoy :)

*random pictures and an upbeat song comes on*

Chapter 16 - Tears

"_**Harry!" I heard her scream as I was pushed onto my back, above me, through the darkness that was slowly clouding my eyes; I saw tears dropping from her eyes onto my cheek.**_

"_**Hermione..." I whispered through the haze.**_

"_**Hang on! Please Harry!" I heard her cry out. "Don't leave me... don't leave me again.... please...." she sobbed.**_

"_**Hermione... " I said through mouthfuls of blood, or maybe I only tried to say it, I wasn't sure. "I... love... yo-"**_

_**Then a wave of darkness took my vision away, and everything became nothing more than whispers...**_

---------????----------

"_.... Help! I need help over here..."_

"_... By the glaciers! What happened..."_

"_...Hand me a Blood replenish-..."_

"_... need to bring him to -...."_

"_... Don't leave me Harry, please don't leave me..."_

"_... We're losing him! We have to stabilize him now!"_

"_... -otter! Get him a private room now!"_

"_... –ry ma'am but you can come with...'_

"_..NO! I want to be with Harry!"_

"_... Ma'am I said 'GET OUT!"_

"_... By Merlin's beard..."_

"_... Magical exhaustion, numerous broken bones, a fractured skull..."_

"_... -aler Norton we have to stop the internal ble-..."_

"_... By Morgana's tits! Watch out!"_

"_... Stabilize his core! His energy's leaking out!"_

"_... We're about to lose him! We have to create a mat-..."_

---------Hogwarts, ????----------

Silence filled my ears as awareness slowly took over my mind, my eyes blinked lazily into a world of colour and light as I gazed at the familiar ceiling before wandering around the room as I lay in bed. The afternoon sun shone brightly through the window beside my bed, lighting the room in a glow of red and gold light as it reflected off the curtains and various other Gryffindor colours in my room. A glance outside showed a world of Autumn trees, their branches swaying to a breeze as loose leaves fluttered in the wind in the poetic dance of red, yellows and oranges.

Manoeuvring myself to lean against the back of the bed I contented myself to stare out the window at the swirling colours while I wondered about what my options were now as I conjured a glass of water. Slow slips of water trickled down my parched throat as I recollected on what I remembered. Running a hand across a new scar on my face, a sudden touch of wetness on my fingertips forced my sights away from the colours outside onto the palm of my hand. A hand soaked in blood greeted my eyes and I reflexively clenched it into a fist as my breathing raced. Slowly I unwrapped my fingers from the death grip fist to reveal an unbloodied palm, naught drop or hint of blood not my own reside there. For what seemed like eternity my eyes never turned away from the center of my palm, half expecting the 'blood' to reappear as I waited for my breathing to slow down.

"I see you're awake..."

My head immediately snapped to the direction of the voice. "Hermione..." I whispered unconsciously.

"How are you feeling?" she said as she walked forward.

"How long have I been out?" I asked in return.

"Almost more than a week." She replied as she stopped at my writing desk.

"I see...."

"You've made the headlines again," Hermione said as she tossed me a week old copy of the _Prophet_.

_**Sightings of our Saviour!**_

_**By: Synthia Cambridge**_

_The first sightings of the Boy-Who-Lived since the summer have finally flown in when He-Who-Must-Not-be-Named staged an attack on Hogsmeade yesterday on Halloween. Eye witnesses tell us that The Chosen One single handily destroyed all the Dementors under You-Know-Who's control and inside sources of the Ministry of Magic say the same. However it was a small reprieve for what was to come. Almost immediately after a large group of Death Eaters, estimated to be around fifty, attacked the southern section of the town..._

I grunted once before tossing the paper to the side, my eyes trailing its path as it fell, fully aware of Hermione's eyes on me.

"Why?" Hermione whispered after e moments silence. Her voice harsh and stony as the words formed on her lips. Pain reflected in them, of betrayal and resentment, much like my own if I were to admit.

"Why what?" I asked turning my attention to what lay out the window, a small part of me wondering if this day was the day I hoped and feared for at the same time. The day I would stop hiding from those I care about.

"Why did you lie to me?" Her voice breaking as my eyes met hers, "Why did you pretend to be someone you're not, why did you fool me into believing you were my friend?!" her voice rising in volume as she continued, "was this all some twisted joke of yours?! Do you find it fun to be a two-faced bastard?!" she screamed the last.

"I never said I didn't need you..." I whispered more to myself but apparently Hermione had the ears of a cat.

"What?" her voice faltered.

My eyes hardened and stony as I replied; "I never said I didn't need you!" my voice was thick and full of pain. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the bed with tears in my eyes. "I never said I didn't need you..." my voice quieting as I closed my eyes.

"I don't believe you." Her voice a deadly whisper

"You won't understand."

"Then make me understand!" By now, we were scant inches away from each other.

"I can't!"

"Why?" she near pleaded as she grabbed my arms, "why did you push me out? Why won't you let me in? Why must you do everything on your own?!"

"I wasn't the one who pushed you away..." I said looking away, unable to look into her eyes. Shame filling me as tears stung my eyes.

"What do you mean?" Hermione whispered, her hand turning my face to look at hers.

Lifting a free hand, I summoned the letter from that fateful day from my trunk and gave it to Hermione. "I received that a couple weeks after I went back to the Dursely's from 5th year."

Her eyes widened as she read the letter until a frown marred her forehead. "This isn't my signature..."

"I figured that out recently."

"Why? Why did you never come and ask me directly?" She said shaking me, as a hint of tears slipped into her eyes.

"I couldn't..."

"Why not?"

"Because I was afraid of what you would say!" I cried at last as my vision blurred. "I was afraid..."

"Afraid of what? What were you afraid of!?"

"I was afraid of what I would do!" I cried as I tried to will the tears back, "Sirius died because of me! Because of me, he went to the Department of Mysteries and fell through the veil! Do you have any idea how much I hated myself?! Then weeks later I got a letter saying that my only two friends saying that they never want to see me again... that you don't want to ever see me again..."

Hermione only looked on with horrified eyes.

"Do you know how many times I sat on my bed and just stared at my wand thinking a word or two and all my troubles would be over? Just a word or two and I get to see everyone... mum...dad... Sirius... then I wouldn't be alone anymore..." I whispered the last as I tilted my head back, tears leaking freely from my eyes.

**SMACK**

"DON'T YOU EVER THINK THAT!" She cried before burrowing into my shoulder as a large handprint appeared on my face, "You're not alone! You're not...

I merely stayed silent as my arms automatically came up to wrap themselves around Hermione.

"I know there's a heavy burden on your shoulders," she continued, "and you would like nothing better than to spread your wings and fly away. I know I can't relieve your burden for you, but you don't have to do it alone! I want to help! I want to be there for you!"

"You can't..." I whispered.

"Why? Why can't I help you?" she said as she turned her head to look up at me, tears streaming down her face.

"Because I don't want to see you get hurt! I-I-I don't know what I would do if I ever saw you get hurt..."

"What?" She said stuttering.

"I don't want to see your get hurt... I _can't_ see you get hurt..."

"What are you trying to say?" she questioned, her voice barely discernable as a small hint of fear crept into it, "H-Harry, what are you _trying_ to say?"

I lowered my eyes from where they had been staring into the ceiling and held her gaze in my own. "I-I-I love you." My heart tearing itself asunder as the cursed words left my lips.

Her eyes enlarged in shock. "W-W-What?"

"I love you! I have for some time..." my chest boiling in pain as my thoughts became clouded.

"Why.... why haven't you said something before this?"

"How could I?! You were happy with your life, you had nothing to worry about; you had a boyfriend and had friends. What right did I have to take that all away from you? And Voldemort...Tom is after me and if he knew... if he knew what I felt about you... Then I would be putting your life in danger!"

SMACK

"You idiot! I'm a muggleborn! He's coming after me anyway because of my parents! Do you know how I felt when you weren't there?! Do you know how many times I stayed up late and just stared at the moon wondering what you were doing?! I felt so alone without you..." She cried while beating futilely against my chest with her fists.

"Hermione..."

"I hate you... I hate you for leaving me, I hate you so much, but I can't stop loving you..." her word were like a knife cutting away at the sluggishness in my mind, her face digging a hole into my chest, her hands gripping my shirt tightly.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered into her hair as I held her tightly to me. "I'm sorry for everything."

Beneath me, I felt her lift her head from my shirt our heads turned to look at each other. Our eyes locked as our faces inched closer and closer to one another. And slowly as we grew closer... we kissed...

--------Convergence-----------

"_Where am I?" _He asked into the grey mist that hung around him.

"_What's going on?"_

"_Where is everyone?"_

"_What's happening?"_

"_Hello Harry." A voice sounded. _

_Whipping to his left, his eyes gazed upon a man of indistinguishable age. But the most startling aspect was his eyes, the same colour as his mother..._

"_W-w- who are you?"_

"_I am you." This from behind him. Spinning himself around, what he first saw was a beard. A long white beard not unlike Dumbledore's, he thought. When he looked into the eyes of the old man he was surprised to see himself... himself with years of untold pain that lined his face._

"_As are we." A collection of voices floated from around him._

"_W-W-What do you mean? Who are you people?"_

"_We are you of different times and universes. A collection if you will, of all our conscience that felt that too much had happened and too little was done..." This coming from the first 'Harry'._

"_Huh?"_

"_We, each and every one of us, is from an alternate timeline or universe, you can say. Each and every one of us has been betrayed, hurt, and lost a loved one. Some more then others."_

"_I was given Love Potions by my wife for the better part of twenty years... and when I found out, I murdered her and in my hatred and anger, I became the next Dark Lord." Said a Harry, his eyes dead and soulless._

"_I lost the one I loved when a Death Eater killed her. And in my anger I went insane. Like he before me, I became the next Dark Lord and tried to resurrect my love." Another voiced, his eyes the colour of black void._

"_I, unlike the other two before me, did not become a Dark Lord. But for me, the one I loved married into a brutal man. And in one night of drunken rage, he killed her." This, from the Elder 'Harry' before his eyes._

"_I lost my love in the final battle. Voldemort killed her before my eyes as I lay helpless before him. She carried our twins. And I was helpless to save her..." A seventeen year old Harry said._

"_I lost everything when my memory was stolen and could only regain bits and pieces for every Dark Wizard I slew." Another said his face scared from untold battles, his pure white eyes unblinking and cold._

"_My Headmaster sought to place the son of a 'light' oriented family as my friend. He only saw his toy as a pawn and never bothered to understand the jealousy and resentfulness within. So he never knew that the one thing that the thought kept me as a 'light' wizard was actually turning me into a 'dark' wizard. One day when I professed my feelings to the one I love. My 'friend' slew her in her sleep in hopes of being the only one in my heart. And in my rage I became the new Dark Lord, more terrible and powerful then Voldemort ever was."_

"_I buried my wife less than a week after getting married. I was forced to kill her when Voldemort possessed her and I could do nothing else. And in turn, I was murdered by my twin..." A seventeen year old Harry said, a tinge of red colouring his bangs._

"_I lost my life and the one I loved on our search for Voldemort's Soul when our... friend," this was spoken with much hatred. "Betrayed us to Voldemort..." _

"_I lost my family when... a former friend... he killed them in cold blood... I was forced to watch my own daughter's throat being cut open in front of me and I was powerless to do anything else..."_

"_I had a son, but in my Headmaster's greed for power, he found out and used me as a tool for his bidding. In the end my son and the love of my life lost their lives and in my grief and rage I slaughtered every living being on the planet."_

_On and on the stories continued, each one heavy with their own pain and sadness. All of them centered on losing the one or ones they loved. When it ended, the feeling of anguish hung supreme. _

"_So what do you all want with me? What are you going to do?" Harry said._

"_We are here to help you, to do what no one else would do for us. To give you guidance and strength." The first 'Harry' replied._

"_O...k... How did you all get here?"_

"_ would be because of me."_

-------------------

A/N - Thats it for now! Thats part of the first chapter I wrote for Convergence. Details come with the story. :)

A/N - And yes, you can bring the pitchforks and the many other things to tear me apart with.


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